I Believe In The Magic Of Christmas

I do believe in the magic of Christmas after all.  It was nothing short of a miracle that Dad could be discharged just in time to come home for Christmas.  

When he suffered that stroke last Thursday, he looked so frail and he could not lift his left arm and leg.  An MRI later revealed that he had quite a few blockages and the situation could have been disastrous if Mum had not taken him to the hospital in time.  From what the doctors and nurses had been telling us, it looked like he would be hospitalized for at least a week to two weeks, maybe more.   It did not help that from time to time, Dad's frustrations at being 'confined' had made him defiant and not willing to cooperate with the therapist when it came to his rehabilitative exercises.

However, Mum and I were at the hospital daily to comfort him, kept him company and persuaded him to focus on recovery.  I was determined that Dad did not give up,  So I spent that time talking about his days as a politically detainee and searched for photographs of his old friends who were fellow ex-detainees on my iPad so that it could trigger his memory.  I gave the other patients around him names too.  I named them after his old friends just because some of them resembled his old cronies, and that made him laugh a lot. To help bring back strength to his left hand, I persuaded him to "ring the door bell and run away". So, he rang the buzzer to call for the nurse, and when the nurse turned up by his bedside, he said "I don't need anything."  That annoyed the nurses, but both of us had such a good laugh.

Perhaps, the laughter, the old stories, the company, and just knowing that his family loved and supported him, was enough to motivate Dad to recover enough to get discharged earlier than expected.  

So while we cancelled every Christmas party, my parents' 45th wedding anniversary party and several other social engagements, I went ahead to host our annual family Christmas Eve dinner.  Dad gamely showed up at my home for that dinner, the day he got discharged.  Understandably, he still looked frail, but noticeably happy.  And he had a glass of wine too to celebrate Christmas with us.

When I looked at my entire extended family happily chatting around Dad, I was a-washed with bliss.  I felt so much gratitude for the prayers for Dad from my friends in Singapore and all over the world.  When mum and I were feeling so down because of Dad's hospitalization, the only reason we had hope was because of the prayers of everyone who supported us.  So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping me BELIEVE in the magic of Christmas.

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a Marketing and PR professional at a financial institution, her hobby as a Certified Professional Tarot Reader and Numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son and 3 dogs with personality disorders.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the colloquail term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".   Together, we create a home made up with more nuts than a fruitcake but filled with plenty of love.

I truly do

Dad  - Blending in with the sofa.  He looked tired but happy

Mum and I having a good laugh at
the antics Dad and I got up to at the hospital

The antics never cease.  Grandma did not realise that I clipped a wee Santa's hat on her head.  She went home looking like that.

Our roast turkey with figs and chestnut stuffing.
It was the best turkey yet.

David cooked these.  Roasted potatoes with rosemary,
roasted parsnips with honey, roasted carrots with orange juice and brussels sprouts with wasabi glaze

David, the exhausted chef

An Indomitable Spirit

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will." ~ Mahatma Ghandi

A Change of Plans For Christmas 

We had big plans for the year-end merry-making.  Mum was preparing to whip up a big lunch the weekend before Christmas, to celebrate the Winter Solstice.   I was going to be hosting our annual family Christmas Eve dinner.  On 27th December, Mum organized a big dinner party to celebrate my parents' 45th wedding anniversary. Dotted in between these, we have got several invitations to join our friends in their Christmas celebrations.

However, these plans had to change.

Dad Is not Well

Dad was suddenly hit with a stroke and  taken to the hospital where he was also diagnosed for Parkinson's disease and dementia.  That meant he will need to be religious about his long term rehabilitative program after he got discharged.   In fact, Dad was diagnosed with a silent stroke a few years back and the neurosurgeon did advise that he should do his rehabilitative exercises regularly.  Of course, Dad was stubborn and would rather continue eating and living well in his own way than to spend time in and out of the rehabilitative cente. Even when his mobility deteriorated to the point where Mum had to assist him with basic activities like bathing, eating and walking, he would make an effort to shuffle from the bedroom to the living room, holding onto furniture for support along the way.  We were not thrilled by this because we were worried about him falling at some point but we could not stop him.

Well, this time round it certainly was not a silent one.  His left arm and leg got impacted, his speech slurred more, and he looked confused.  I had seen Dad become increasingly frail over the years, but I have never seen Dad looking completely lost and feeling helpless.  My heart broke when I saw him being wheeled through the doors to get to his MRI session.  His even frailer form looked so broken.  However, no matter how ill or weak he was, I detected fire in his eyes.

He Still Has Fire In His Belly

His frail frame disguised the fire in his belly.

When the therapist came along to ask how old he was, he slurred defiantly, "..as old as the hills...and older than you."  When the therapist asked him to point to his eye with his finger, and then to point to his tummy next, he slurred even more defiantly, "You are asking me to do such a simple thing?"   I had a good laugh as I thought, "That was not a question honey, my Dad wants you to stop insulting his intelligence."  He struggled to get out of his bed and told me as he pointed to the nurses, "Come on, let's go.  They are preparing for us to leave."    The nurse told him that he was not going to be able to go home just yet.  So he looked squarely at her and challenged, " That is what you say."   For once, I was thankful that he was not mobile enough to put himself in any danger.  I was however impressed that in spite of his frailty, that indomitable spirit never waned.

I grew up watching and learning from that indomitable spirit. Just before he was incarcerated without trial for his "off-center" political views in 1978,  I remembered the moments when the lackeys of the Establishment marched Dad, in handcuffs, into our home while I was having Mandarin lessons with the tutor.  I saw  how frail and helpless Dad looked then ( like he did just now as he was wheeled out of the ward for his MRI session)  surrounded by a bunch of burley men hiding behind dark glasses, walkie-talkies and cheap plastic name tags.   Yet, at that point, he tried to be stoic and promised Mum and I  that all was going to be fine.  I was however, mortified that these strangers could barge into my home to disturb the peace of a once happy family.  I was extremely angry that they handcuffed a man with alternative political views when that handcuff should be reserved for common criminals. I was even more aghast at the thought that Dad was going to be taken away from us, without trial, without any ability to defend himself.  I rushed towards Dad  shouting " Let him go, you bastards.  He is not a criminal."   Dad shot them a very angry look.  It took me years to realize the anger was not at what had happend to him, but at the terrible way in which they handled the issue in front of his family that included an 8 year old.   His indomitable spirit never waned even then, as he just wanted to protect his family.

Bringing Christmas To Dad

Dad's condition will not get better.  That is the fact about stroke.  It is a condition that should be managed, but it will never get better.  As the doctors put him through tests after tests here at the hospital, he said, " They are wasting my time."  I agree.  They are.  I felt his frustrations.  I am sure somewhere in these tests, they are doing something productive to help him get better but I am not seeing it just yet.  His lack of rest at the hospital is not helping.   I wished I could take him home with me now and we could all have a fabulous Christmas celebration together as a family.  But I know that is not possible.  So, like Dad, with his indomitable spirit, if he cannot join me for our annual family Christmas Eve dinner, I will bring the Christmas revelry to him at the hospital on Christmas Day. 

Joel, please chill the wine already.

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a Marketing and PR professional at a financial institution, her hobby as a Certified Professional Tarot Reader and Numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son and 3 dogs with personality disorders.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the colloquail term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".   Together, we create a home made up with more nuts than a fruitcake but filled with plenty of love.

This is Dad when he was younger.  Wasn't exactly David Hasselhoff..more like an Asian Che Guevera eh? This picture was taken during a family vacation at Desaru Beach in Malaysia. I remembered he lost his glasses in the waves.

The New Domestic Goddess

The Working Mother Without A Home Portfolio

I felt quite disturbed by the fact that while my sunny disposition had given me the moniker of Sun Goddess, my culinary and housekeeping skills had not framed me as a Domestic Goddess.  For years, I had been whipping up delectable dishes for my men  from an unrivalled roast leg of lamb, to a power-packed Peranakan chicken curry that was considered the best in Singapore, Johore and some say Batam too.  I had been picking up their laundry to put back into the laundry basket, instead of having dirty laundry decorate the floor around the basket.  I had even walked the dogs when the both of them pretended to snooze like the annoying  passengers  who occupied the seats for the disabled in a crowded train. 

Yet, I was not known  as  a Domestic Goddess!  I found myself unfairly dismissed as the “Working Mother Without A Home Portfolio”, much like a “Minister Without Portfolio” when the latter had been put on the roll-call of cabinet personnel bound for that invitation list of the next civil service retirement party.

The Housekeeper Is On Vacation


Okay, I should admit that my multi-talented  housekeeper Evelyn, with her cooking, baking, sewing, housekeeping skills and uncanny ability to burp while she brushes her teeth in the morning, had  rendered me rather useless for the last 8 years.  Evelyn is a key member of my family, and possibly the designated Chief Operations Officer of the Ash household.   David, Joel and I would be lost without Evelyn.  David would not know where he had kept his camera equipment, Joel could never find his shoes and I would not know how the kitchen appliances work without her. 

Evelyn is about to leave for a 3 week vacation back to her home country in the Philippines, and my men are frantic, treating her impending absence as a major disaster.  When I told them that I would be in charge of the kitchen for the next 3 weeks, I was dismayed to see horror registered on their faces.


The Domestic Goddess

For the next 3 weeks, I am determined to prove to my men that I am not only the Sun Goddess, but I am the Domestic Goddess too.  I have delegated the laundry, garbage and bathroom duties to David, and Joel will be official care-taker of the mutts.  The kitchen is of course, my domain. 

My biggest project is the annual traditional family Christmas Eve dinner when I will be expecting about 25 of my extended family members at my home to celebrate the yuletide season with us.  Yes, I will be cooking.  I was not too ambitious so I had the chef at one of my favourite restaurants prepare the roast turkey with figs and chestnut stuffing.  I did not know what a fig looks like you see.  However, I will be cooking the rest of the meal which will include a grilled salmon with lemon, mint and parsley, roast potatoes and parsnips with rosemary, a seafood salad  with raspberry vinaigrette and a shepherd’s pie.    Thank goodness Uncle Winston will be bringing a cake. 


Get Off The Speed-Dial

I cannot wait to prove to my men that I can actually cook and clean on top of managing the marketing and PR projects at work and reading Tarot cards for clients.  The world is filled with so many multi-talented working mothers.  I could be one too.  I just wished David and Joel had more faith in me.  As I was writing this blog post, I spotted them attaching  Pizza Hut’s and McDonald’s flyers on the refrigerator door and putting their numbers on speed-dial.


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketing professional at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son and 3 dogs with personality disorders.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".   Together, we create a home made up with more nuts than a fruitcake but filled with plenty of love.

Joel - attempting to get acquainted with the mop.

Bailey - getting acquainted with the toilet brush

I Found My Magical Moments In Chiang Mai

Magical Moments

About 1 ½ months after my glorious week in Bali surrendering to my first experience of being “in the zone” with Yoga, I had decided to pack my bags for another week of the same, this time in Chiang Mai, Thailand.  I have to admit that, the year-end rush to complete projects at work, some of the lingering work-stress and the multitude of emails that  could not be ignored,  had collectively dampened my attempts to surrender to the same “in the zone” experience with Yoga there.  

To make matters worse, although we stayed at an exquisite villa surrounded by lush greenery and an inviting pool, the pool was un-swimmable because we were welcomed by 15 degree days in our thin T-shirts and shorts, thinking that we had booked a trip to an Asian city that promised the warmth of the blazing sun and other usual trappings of the tropics.

When I looked back at my week in Chiang Mai, I had decided to look for the magical moments then so that I could remember this city for what it truly was - Magic. And I found some.

Deepening My Consciousness With Yoga

As always, my primary objective of a trip like this was to practice the asanas in a different environment and with a different instructor, in the hope of enriching my experience with yoga.  Time spent with Gernot Huber from Yoga Mind Yoga Body was possibly the best decision I made about the trip because he had helped me deepen my consciousness with yoga.  The most important thing I learnt from him was the importance of building  self awareness.  By surrendering myself to self awareness, I could let go of that ego that inhibits my growth.  It could help me to not cling onto disappointments that could get in the way of attaining my true goals. Andre Lima put  it quite succinctly when he tweeted “You let go, not for something to go away, but for ‘what is’ to stay.” 

The Boat Trip Up The Mae Ping River

With Gernot’s words still ringing in my ear,  we had decided to take a leisurely boat ride up the Mae Ping river.  In a word, that experience was, idyllic, because I took on the trip without my blackberry and just surrendered myself to the beauty of life by the river.  The Thais who lived by the river were so laid back as most were just fishing by the river bank.  When we spotted some with 8 fishing rods in action at the same time, waiting for the day’s catch, we knew that they were not fishing for leisure.  They were possibly fishing for food.  Yet, they looked so calm and gave us a friendly wave from time to time.  David and I felt so relaxed throughout the boat ride which was made complete with a visit to a vegetable farm along the river.  The vegetable farmer had a tiny petting zoo comprising of 2 wild boars that looked perpetually drugged, and a family of rabbits that looked like they fed on vegetation that grew next to a nuclear power plant.  They were humongous in size! They looked larger than my dogs!  


Releasing Birds At Wat Chedi Luang

Chiang Mai was quite a small city but it held a rich history.  This was reflected in some of the temple architecture as well as the ancient brick wall that demarcated the boundary of the old city from the new.  One of the oldest and I thought, the coolest architecture was that of the Pagoda at Wat Chedi Luang.  It was built in the 15^thcentury by the Thai King who died while in the midst of constructing that pagoda. His Queen then promptly finished constructing it by building the tip of the Pagoda.  What a love story!  What can a man do without his woman, eh? Unfortunately, the Pagoda was partially destroyed by an earthquake but this once magnificent structure still looked hauntingly beautiful.  

A little old lady approached us as we were taking photographs of the Pagoda.  “100 baht! 100 baht! For good luck!” she squawked, as she shoved into our hands, a little birdcage with 4 finches fluttering about frantically within it.  It would certainly be good luck for the finches if we let them go free.  So after paying the old lady, we  released these birds as we uttered a prayer for peace and good health.  I was not sure if it was for the birds’ peace  and good health or mine, but it was nonetheless  a magical experience.

Spiritual Energy At Dol SuThep

David and I made a long drive up to Dol SuThep where we visited the Wat Prathat temple that sat on top of the mountain.  The temple was built way back in 1383.  What we did not expect was a crowd of tourists jostling to capture the stunning views with their cameras.  Thankfully, we did not walk up the 309 steps to the temple only to be confronted by annoyingly loud tourists.  We took the easy route - by tram.   I told David that serenity should come from within, and if he could  just spare a moment to be still for awhile, he would surely feel the serenity.  We closed our eyes as we touched one of the many giant bells that sat around the temple grounds.  Gradually, we could feel peace descending in our hearts and minds, such that when we opened our eyes again, the hordes of tourists seemed to have disappeared to make way for the stunning views of a city calling us to appreciate it for its spiritual energy.   We had to say goodbye to the temple by walking down 309 steps.  Daunting as it might have sounded, it truly was not - effortless.

Vegetarian For A Cause At Thai Freedom House

When I traveled to a destination with my Yoga practice as a primary purpose, I always went on a vegetarian diet. Chiang Mai was a haven for vegans and vegetarians.  Thankfully I did some research before the trip and chanced upon a blog post at www.neverendingvoyage.com  Thanks to the post about vegetarian restaurants in Chiang Mai, I was drawn to 2 of these restaurants.  One was Juicy 4U located right within the heart of the old city, where I went crazy with every manner of fresh juices including spirulina and wheatgrass shots.  David obliged too and had his less exotic options of pineapple, orange and carrot juices.  He enjoyed the veggie burger tremendously although he grumbled that they did not serve french fries with it.  He said, “a french fry is vegetarian isn’t it?”  I had the scrumptious papaya salad called Som Tum in Thai.  Delicious. 

We searched for another vegetarian restaurant called Free Bird Café for days and finally found it on the day before we left Chiang Mai.  Free Bird Café was a vegan and vegetarian restaurant run by the Thai Freedom House which was a non-profit arts and learning community that supported the Burmese refugees and minority groups in Thailand.  For such a great cause, David and I even busted our “no-dessert” rule and had a vegan brownie.


Yoga From The Heart

Another magical moment that came out of my trip to Chiang Mai, was that it had helped me with my reservations about participating in group Yoga classes.  I always thought I was not built for Yoga, not flexible enough, and too clumsy and slow as I maneuver  through the vinyasa flow sequences.   Then  I remembered Gernot's advice to me, urging me to let go of my ego as I go deeper into my yoga practice moving forward.  I realized, I did not have to wait for my next trip to do that.  I could do it right here and now in Singapore.  On January 1, 2014, Yoga From The Heart, a by-donation, Yoga class will take place at the Jacob Ballas Chidren's Garden at the Singapore Botanic Gardens.  The donations will go to  Emerge Lanka, an NGO that supports the education and empowerment of Sri Lankan girls.  If you are in Singapore, and no matter what level of Yoga practice you are at, do join me at Yoga From The Heart on January 1, 2014, 5.25pm (Singapore Time).


A Second Chance

I definitely had magical moments in Chiang Mai amidst the work-stress and unavoidable work calls and emails.  My regret was that I had not had the time and the frame of mind to peel  more layers off Chiang Mai to discover even more spiritual spaces within the city.  I missed out on the trek across the Doi Inthanon national park, the trip to the Burmese border and the visits to the villages to experience the lifestyles of the minority tribes.  My next trip to Chiang Mai beckons. I want her to give me a second chance.  Next time, I will leave my blackberry at home.




About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a Marketing and PR professional at a financial institution, her hobby as a Certified Professional Tarot Reader and Numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son and 3 dogs with personality disorders.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the colloquail term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".   Together, we create a home made up with more nuts than a fruitcake but filled with plenty of love.

The Oriental Siam Resort, Chiang Mai, Thailand - We called this HOME for 6 days

My meditation space at the villa

What a beautiful ancient temple. I can't remember the name of this one.

The remains of the pagoda at Wat Chedi Luang

A relaxing boat trip along the Mae Ping River

Releasing finches at Wat Chedi Luang while uttering a prayer for peace and good health

Free Bird Cafe - a non-profit arts and learning community-run cafe that supported
Burmese refugees and minority groups in Thailand

My medley of Burmese and Shan salad lunch at Free Bird Cafe

Views from Dol SuThep

The people in Chiang Mai are so laid back.  Even the Tuk Tuk driver
had decided that his afternoon siesta was more important than giving us annoying tourists a ride.

This ancient brick wall demarcated the old city from the new. There must be so many historic stories within each brick

We walked down these 309 steps at Dol SuThep.  Check out the hordes of tourists.