Monday, 11 November 2013

Acknowledging My Faults And Failings


Acknowledging my faults and failings does make me a better person.
In the last month, the most extraordinary things had happened to me because I had decided to “give a little” and acknowledge that some circumstances happened for a purpose.  Anyone who knew me well, would tell you that I would never back down from anything I did not believe in, without a fight.  However experience taught me that while I would like to have control over most things in my life, there are some things that are best left to allow “nature to take its course”.

A Better Manager

When I had a run-in with someone at work last month which threatened to rock my confidence and instilled doubts about my capabilities, I was prepared to march into the office of someone more senior who would hopefully take the time to listen to me griping about my frustrations.  Somehow, that did not happen when busy schedules, last minute meetings and other priorities got in the way of that appointment.

I was glad that meeting did not happen because I had the opportunity during that time span to rethink about the root cause of the issue, mull about the repercussions of any rash action on my part and form a plan to make things right  not only with the person whom I had the run in with, but also between myself and my ego.  The biggest lesson that came out of it, was about the complacency within me.  The incident was an opportunity to kick me out of my comfort zone to re-think about how I should be delivering better with the team, to our work objectives.  I saw it as a challenge to take on new projects, learn new skills and knowledge, and band with the team to work better with other cross-functional teams. 

I was rather glad that this new found calmness in me had allowed me to take a break in Bali with the issue simmering at the back of my head just immediately after the incident.  In the past, my vacation would have been ruined because I would be spending that week dreaming up of some evil plot to throw my shoe at the person who had caused me this much grief.  In fact, it was the break in Bali that gave me time to re-evaluate the issue and think of turning the challenge into an opportunity.

By acknowledging my faults and failings alongside others’ and my ability to move forward by proactively creating plans to make things right, I had possibly defined myself as a better leader in the company and a better manager to my team.

A Better Mother

I had always admitted difficulty of grappling this role as a mother of a boy who had just turned into an adult.  Joel’s main weakness was thought to be his soft and sentimental heart.  It took me awhile to see that weakness as strength.  I was particularly possessive of his time.  When he had to juggle school, industrial attachment stints at the local hospitals, his girlfriend and 2 families (his Dad’s and mine), I often had fights with him about not being able to spend quality time with him.  I lamented about David and I having pre-empty nesters’ syndrome on a weekly basis.  When his girlfriend visited, I would shut myself in the room and displayed my displeasure with a growl before shutting the room door, because I felt an invasion of my space and my time with him.  I often kicked up a fuss about his excessive spending on date nights, because I could not spend excessively to dote on my once little boy. 

My perspective changed a little when this relationship with her crossed the one year mark.  Yes, they spent one year dodging my caustic bullets and menacing grunts.  They came home one day with a cake and 1 candle and announced proudly that they wanted to celebrate their first year anniversary together with me.  I was very touched by that gesture.  So now, I have moved up the dial to tolerate her presence in my home.  She was not such a bad kid after all.

By acknowledging that my son had grown up and had to walk this journey through life by maneuvering the bends along the road by himself, I had possibly defined myself as a better mother.  I would always be there for him and nothing can change the fact that I am his mother.  I had to finally learn to let go.

A Better Wife

I had an epiphany just recently about how I had been managing my relationship with David.  You would be able to read more about it from my Tarot blog,

I have always thought that being a great wife was to be able to juggle a high flying career that could contribute to a financially comfortable life for my family whilst nurturing the family with much love.  I thought I had been doing a fabulous job transposing myself from mother, to wife, to corporate careerist as a marketing head for an MNC, to a entrepreneur of a Tarot and Numerology consultancy.

If I had to explain my career ambitions better, it found its roots almost 15 years ago when I got divorced to my first husband and was told that I would never survive without a marriage, and that I would never be able to afford a home and that I would never be able to raise my son on my own.  So I spent the last 15 years proving otherwise developing a hard corporate exterior not only at work but also at home. 

I am very blessed that David is a patient man who gave me nothing but selfless love.  My surviving that divorce and such rock-bottom confidence was not because I did well in my career, but because I had a husband who gave me everything.

By acknowledging that life, including myself, could not always be story-book perfect and that all David needed was the assurance that he was doing the right thing to make me happy every day, through good times and bad, I had possibly defined myself as a better wife.  He knew last night, after reading my Tarot blog post that I was never taking him for granted again.

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketing professional at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son and 3 dogs with personality disorders.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".   Together, we create a home made up with more nuts than a fruitcake but filled with plenty of love.

My man and me - I would be nothing without him.

The kids' first anniversary cake - they celebrated their first anniversary as a couple with me.

With my boys...

My looney team at work