A Child Taught Me To Count My Blessings

A Trip To The Hospital
  
My staff had arranged for our team to spend the morning at the children’s ward at a local hospital today, to celebrate the birthdays of 2 kids stricken with cancer.  We had brought with us colored paper, crayons, markers, colored pencils and other necessary paraphernalia needed to teach the children simple crafts like making Chinese New Year decorative lanterns and firecrackers. 

I was really excited about the opportunity to interact with the kids albeit slightly intimidated.  Up to now, in spite of my younger days as a volunteer at the charity homes for the elderly or mentally disadvantaged, I have never had the opportunity to interact with kids in this capacity.   Moreover, now that Joel is much older, I had forgotten how to interact with younger  kids apart from the fact that I had to shove my iphone in the hands of my colleague’s daughter one Saturday morning because I had forced the rather reluctant mother to be the “cover girl” at the photo shoot for my advertising campaign.  At that moment, I thanked the universe for giving us Barney the dinosaur on YouTube, and helping me to remember the lyrics to that Barney tune.  I’d never forget that weekend because I dreamt of Barney for 2 consecutive nights and was traumatized enough to stay at home, far away from the kids laughing and playing at the playground below my block of flats.

Touched By A Child

At the ward, I had the privilege to meet little V and her mum.  V is 14 months old and had never quite seen the outside of her home apart from the journey to and from the hospital for her cancer treatment.  V’s eyes were so big and bright, like limpid pools and her cheeks were so chubby you’d want to pinch them too.  She was so chatty as a child, and gesticulated animatedly when she wanted something.  Nothing about V betrayed the fact that she had cancer ravaging her little body and was subjected to painful treatments that no one outside of her family could ever imagine. 

While coloring a picture of Hello Kitty for V, I had a chance to speak to her mum who was such a strong and cheerful lady.  She spoke about V with pride, telling me how clever she was, what her favorite food was (chocolate), what her favorite fruit was (dragon fruit) and describing V’s mischievous antics.  I could sense a mother’s anguish and loneliness within her in spite of her broad smile and occasional laughter.  It suddenly dawned on me that as a volunteer, I was also holding the hand of this lonely mother who perhaps needed the comfort and listening ear of a friend.  It was not just all about the patient, V.  

Spending the morning with V and her mum was perhaps a little slap I needed to remind myself that I should be grateful for a healthy family.  With my attention constantly focused on work and other commitments, I had taken that for granted for far too long.   I suffered a breast cancer scare a few months ago, and while that experience was a hard kick in my shins to remind me to live life for the moment, that somehow didn’t last.  Shortly after, I was back to my old self of juggling multiple commitments, whilst barking at the husband and the boy for not pushing themselves harder to get more business, study harder, earn more, learn more and do more.  I was driving us to do everything more, apart from, to live more. 

I forgot to smell the roses again.

Learning To Count My Blessings

Meeting V was an absolute delight for me.  She was such a lively child and I was enamored by her giggles and her generally happy disposition.  How could a baby stricken with cancer, tormented by painful treatments and haunted by the prospect of a possibly limited future be so happy?

I am so grateful for the time spent with her.  She taught me to count my blessings.  Amongst them are my family, my friends, my team at work, my job which I love, my passion for Tarot, my clients…..I am so grateful for them.

Below is a photo of me with my looney team at the Children's ward at the National University Hospital. Thank you Children's Cancer Foundation for the opportunity we had to play with the children.
  
About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

What Are You Celebrating This Spring?

The Hectic Year-End Festivities

 Before I could even put away my Christmas ornaments and discard the Christmas tree, Chinese New Year music had already drowned out the cacophony of bargaining shoppers at Chinatown.   Chinese restaurants were already collating reservations for Chinese New Year corporate luncheons and family dinners.  Most offices and mall spaces were plastered in red-colored decorations,  ranging from the ubiquitous  calligraphy of auspicious couplets, hanging mobiles in the shape of papier-mâché dancing lions, fire-crackers and pineapple-shaped lanterns.

Over the Christmas season, I found myself diving into a hectic rush of preparing a Christmas dinner menu, cooking up a storm and buying gifts  in between completing my work at the office during the day and managing a flood of Tarot readings in the evenings and during weekends.  When the New Year arrived, I had decided that the best way to spend the New Year was to rest my weary soul by camping out at home in the corner of my sofa in front of the television.  I never moved out of that position all day apart from when I needed a pee.  Even my meals were served up to me as I slouched in the couch. I was too tired to do anything else.

What a waste.

What Do I Want To Celebrate This Spring?

I was determined that this Chinese New Year, it had to be different.  I had to appreciate the significance of a festive season that welcomed back the Spring.  It was a festive season that celebrated family togetherness.  It was a the highlight of the Chinese Lunar  calendar that marked the intent for us to create a fresh start, a new beginning.  It was a 15 -day celebration where married couples and older relatives would be handing out little red packets filled with money as a gesture of good luck.  The elderly Aunties in the family would attempt to match-make the next generation of young unmarried relatives within the family, in the hope of extending the family with babies born in the next few years.  The cousins would come together to play a few rounds of Black Jack.  If you’re lucky, you might add a few more dollars to the collection of red packets you had received earlier.

This Chinese New Year festivities will span over a long 4-day weekend. It would be a good time for me to spend more time with my parents, in particularly, my Mum.  Our relationship has been bouncing up and down according to the volatility of our tempers so my approach to Mum as she judiciously organizes the family activities during the Chinese New Year period, is one of humble gratitude.  I want to restore my relationship with Mum, knowing that she has given her time and effort to loving me so selflessly.

I have also had time to think about my constant exhaustion.  Instead of blaming it on juggling all the different commitments in my life, I have decided to recharge my energy by getting back in touch with nature through the 11km trail walks through the MacRitchie Reservoir forest trail.

I used to do that quite regularly in the past but have stopped these walks for awhile with poor excuses given to justify my sleeping in.   I had done well kicking my diet back into shape post the year end festive feasting.  Now I had to use that walk to kick start my fitness regime.  

So this Spring, I am celebrating Family, Fun and Fitness.  What are you celebrating?

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

Thank You 2012, Welcome 2013

2 January 2013.  Back to work.  In the last few years, I used to return to work the day after a fairly boozy week-long festive celebrations, with a head-numbing hangover and my spirits irretrievably sunken into the abyss of post-celebratory depression.

However, I didn’t this year.  Not this time.  And here’s why.

Thank You 2012

I had a fairly difficult 2012 wrought with multiple changes in my work and personal life.  However, these changes were invaluable lessons which served to enrich my experiences.

1.    I learnt to appreciate that differences in personalities within a team can be very healthy as we grew closer as a “workplace family”.  The teamwork within my team amidst the challenges at work deserved praise.   No one left the boat adrift just because someone dropped the oars.  Everyone just chipped in and started rowing to get the boat back in the right direction.

Jin Kwon said, “One piece of log creates a small fire, adequate to warm you up.  Add just a few more pieces to blast an immense bonfire….individuality counts but teamwork’s dynamite.”

2.   I learnt to give people I don’t know too well, a chance and to accept that their skills and talents are just as invaluable although they may be different from mine.   

Albert Einstein said, “Everyone’s a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb trees, it’ll live its life believing it is stupid.”

3.    I learnt to accept my intuitive gifts even when some don’t.   That acceptance contributed to my using these gifts to help others.  Lenny Kravitz said, “I am not trying to change the world.  I am just offering my gift that God gave me, and if somebody is moved by it, that’s beautiful.”  My intent is very clear. I hope to keep on helping the clients who come to me for a Tarot reading, to find clarity and assurance whilst contributing part of the proceeds to my favorite charity, the Children’s Cancer Foundation.

4.   I learnt never to underestimate the power of will and determination.  David and Joel completed their first ever half marathon (with very little training and absolutely no experience), with one of them completing it in a gorilla suit, in a bid to raise funds for the Children’s Cancer Foundation.  I didn’t have much faith in the 2 of them initially as the only strenuous activity that they were accustom to, was walking from the sofa to the kitchen to look for food.  Wilma Rudolph said,” Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential for greatness lives within each of us.”

5.   I learnt to embrace the process of gaining new knowledge with childlike curiosity.  This was something Joel taught me when he entered nursing school at the local polytechnic quite reluctantly in the beginning.  As the months rolled by, providing him hands-on experiences doing laboratory work as well as a stint at the local hospital during his industrial attachment, he realized this was his calling and that he absolutely enjoyed nursing as a career.  Samuel Johnson said, “Curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.”  Joel dived into the world of nursing, embracing new skills and knowledge learnt with voracity.  I will do the same with not only my marketing skills but also with Tarot, by continuously taking up courses to learn new things that will help me be a better marketeer and a better Tarot reader.

Welcome 2013

The habit of breaking New Year resolutions render it useless for me to make them.  So I don’t.  However, I am keen on welcoming the New Year with a lot more positivity and an ambition to continuously put myself on the learning curve of life without any fear of failing.


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

The Gorilla Made It

I had promised to share an update of David’s experience at his maiden half marathon in a Gorilla suit at the Standard Chartered Marathon Singapore 2012.  So here it is.

The Night Before

The night before, both David and Joel used carbo-loading as an excuse to binge on everything they could find in the refrigerator.    This included Tuna Pasta, Noodles, Wraps and Sandwiches.  In fact, David started his carbo-loading the week before.  The arrival of his best friend Alistair and his lovely wife Suzanne from London, meant that David could carbo-load on many jugs of beers between them.

Somehow, an endurance race would spur the weirdest behaviors of first time participants. Some break out in cold sweat the night before, others run madly for miles just the week before, but David very suddenly became extraordinarily organized. He can't even sort out his underwear drawer to divide the boxers from the briefs. Yet, the surprising thing for me was to watch David carefully hang his Gorilla suit on a hanger behind the bedroom door, with his race bib already attached to the suit.  It was funny to watch because usually, even with a big business meeting the next morning, he wouldn’t bother with getting his suit ready the night before.

Race Day

I fetched David and Joel to the venue as early as 5.15am on the morning of the race day.  They said they needed about an hour to warm up.  However, I found out from Joel that David was having fun flirting in front of the cameras snapping away at him, entertaining whoever wanted to have a photograph taken with what the other race participants thought was an event side-show.

When the race was flagged off at 6.30am, the two of them made their way along the route around Universal Studios at a relatively quick but steady pace, apart from a pit stop to forage for food.  By the time they got out to the 10km mark, that’s when David’s calves started to twang around like a broken guitar string.  He suffered the dreaded cramps.

Throughout all that, Joel had been the biggest supporter cheering on his Pops, and encouraging him to brave the pain and push it to the end.

I tracked them every hour via text through Joel, and had several text messages from concerned friends who ran past the two of them at various spots along the route.

I waited for them at 10am near the finishing line, still getting blow by blow accounts about David’s painful legs, the weight of the suit weighing down on him and the heat of the morning sun becoming increasingly unbearable.  In fact, David admitted that he was close to giving up.  However, with Joel egging him on, he continued to soldier on.

By 10.30am, I began to worry because he was supposed to have arrived at the finishing line by then.  Joel informed me that he was still trudging along at the Flyer, slowing down his pace to accommodate his exhaustion.  I sent a text telling him to take his time and that no matter what; he needed to complete it now.  He was just 2 km away from the finish line.

The Gorilla Finally Made It

Finally, I spotted David and Joel at the bend just 150m from the finish line.  I was almost near to tears, both from worry and pride.  When they saw me at the sidelines cheering them on, their strides picked up enough to have them cross the finish line at 11am.  4 ½ hours to complete a half marathon for the first time, with not much training and wearing a stupid suit. Not bad at all!

I am so proud of the both of them.  David really came through with his promise.  He made that pledge to carry it through for the Children’s Cancer Foundation, and he owed it to the support he had gotten from everyone who was behind him.  Joel, was the perfect run partner.  He admitted that if his Pops had decided to throw in the towel, by hook or by crook, he would be pushing David from behind.  I found out hours later that the reason Joel was bouncing off the walls while David was completely exhausted was that Joel had finished the entire pack of candy and left David with only 1.  I packed in 4 buns for breakfast in their little kit bag, and Joel finished 3 of them, leaving David with only 1.   David finally had to fall back on the energy gels which thankfully did not lead him to the queue at the portaloos.

So this was their little adventure.  Never again, please. However, with the bottom of our hearts I'd like to thank Fulford PR, Spectrum and all our wonderful friends who supported the cause.

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

How Difficult Can It Be To Be Charitable?

Monkeying Around For The Cancer Cause

A few weeks before David’s crazy feat to run his maiden half marathon in a Gorilla suit to raise funds for the Children’s Cancer Foundation (CCF), I had made some observations about the support he got along the way which I wish to detail in this blog post.

The Supporters

We were amazed by the resounding support he got from some friends, close ones as well as those who weren’t very close.  It was heartwarming for me to see the advice about training, heatstroke prevention, and pre-race diet he was getting from genuinely concerned friends and it was even more fabulous to see them readily supporting his cause by donating to the CCF. We were inundated with phone calls, text messages and Facebook comments offering him encouragement.

We were also chuffed when the lovely ladies at Fulford PR agency arranged a photo shoot of David in his Gorilla suit in an attempt to pitch it to the press so that he could obtain public support for the cause as early as possible. 

Another group of friends I wish to thank are the wonderful people at Spectrum who had agreed to allow Joel to accompany David at the race as his personal “medic-cum-water boy-cum-human energy gel dispenser –cum candy feeder” even though he wasn't able to register for a spot as a race participant in time.  Originally, Joel wasn’t intending to be a participant at the half marathon.  In fact, to get him to walk the dogs was enough of  an issue, let alone getting him to run a half marathon.  However, he wanted to be there for his pops in case he gets into any medical difficulties.  As a nurse-in-training, Joel felt that he could support David along the way during his race.  So, with the help of the team at Spectrum, Joel finally got his race pack and he was ready to draw a red cross on the front of his race bib.

To these friends, to the wonderful PR pals at Fulford, and Chris at Spectrum, I just wanted to say a big thank you and to let you know that your gestures really touched our hearts.


The “Hinderers”

Of course when we actively campaign for any form of support for a cause, one will encounter the enthusiastic supporters who genuinely care about the cause, as well as the apathetic ones who simply dismiss David as the "crazy foreigner who's probably smoking dope". Honestly, that’s really ok. I meet with skepticism about my Tarot reading skills daily, and these skeptics think I am a witch!  However, I do get annoyed with a particular group of people whom I had termed as the “hinderers”.  These are the lot who, through their unnecessary “go –by- the- book” approach would hinder a genuine attempt to help a cause.  I have placed them in the same category as The Establishment-hired “clipboard-toters” whom I often talked about.

I acknowledge that in a world obsessed by the perfect structure of corporate bureaucracy, there are many people who are just not empowered to do the right thing, or make the right decisions. These people are too frightened of lending support to "off-the-wall" ideas. And if the idea doesn't "fit into the plan or the business objectives" they wouldn't want to be part of it, for fear of the extra effort they may need to put into something that could possibly be classified as "out of scope" of their usual workload, and not tracked as a KPI. I have decided to list a few examples of these here so that those who attempt similar projects for the genuine passion of supporting a favorite charity, should be aware of the need to be detached from this lot and stay focused on the goal of supporting the charity.

One of these "Hinderers" are the people at Standard Chartered Bank, the sponsor of the race, who profess to be Here For Good. Their extremely appalling customer servicing is one story I shall leave for another blog entry. For the purpose of this blog post, I shall focus on their lack of response to David's call for support. David had been calling them to get them to create some publicity around the cause. However, like their customer servicing style, they tried to keep him Here in limbo For Good by passing his call from one person to another and to another and to another, with promises to return his calls repeatedly. Of course, they didn't call back.

Another of these "Hinderers" is a press publication who initially promised to run the story in the week running up to the event, after much hard work from the Fulford PR team. The intention was to run the story as early as possible so that David could garner more support for the CCF. However, at the last minute, the publication had decided not to run the story, providing no explanation at all. I can't help but feel that it may not be deemed news-worthy because the person in the ape costume wasn't Singaporean. I am quite disappointed because surely, amongst the hundreds of press clippings about bus drivers going on strike, they could surely find room to run a story to support David's fund-raising efforts towards the CCF cause.

The reality has just dawned on me that it's just 1 day to David's half marathon. However, David is better than I in that he would never allow the "Hinderers" to ruin his enthusiasm. It in fact fueled his fire to want to complete the race, and I will be there at the finishing line to receive him for sure, while holding a placard with the names of ALL the supporters who had been there for him, in some way or other, encouraging, helping, donating and advising him.


Postscript: To those who have already supported David in his fund raising efforts, thank you so much from the bottom of our hearts. If you haven't, I would appreciate your supporting David’s endeavor and donating generously to the Children’s Cancer Foundation through this link:

http://www.giveasia.org/s/pgwv6

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

Not A Normal Family

A Normal Family

If I could wish for anything at all, I am glad I did not wish for a “normal” family.   So let me list down what’s not too normal within the Ash household. 

We picked up a stray guitar-toting Scot along our journey to assume the position as head of the household, hubby, step-dad and chief electrician-cum-mechanic-cum entertainer. 

Our son is a nurse-in-training who actually has a genuine passion for talking to the elderly sick patients.  While guys his age would rather tog themselves out in the latest fashion, hang out at clubs and spend hours on the phone with girlfriends, this boy hopes to own his private nursing care practice at some point.  He makes a hobby out of chasing the dogs around the house with his stethoscope, pinning David and I down for  blood pressure checks and playing scrabble with my Dad to help slow down any signs of Alzheimer’s. 

I am the looney tarot reader and numerologist who spend my free time talking to my tarot cards and my collection of crystals in between meditating to sunrise.  In between all that, I am actually a slightly normal corporate careerist working on developing marketing and PR plans for the company.

The household’s not too normal – the way I like it.  Any semblance of normalcy is frowned upon as being boring.  So the Ash family continues to traipse down this road of looniness in an attempt to create an album worth talking about when we are old and grey. 

However, what’s making this album even more special for me, is the intent behind our respective idiosyncrasies and our looney behavior which I will expand upon further.

  
Life Is Transcient

A few months ago, I was diagnosed with calcification of the right breast which the surgeon had suspected was caused by the presence of pre-cancerous cells.  I had a surgery to remove the affected area of the breast and weeks later, I was given a clean bill of health.  

The months before the surgery when I had undergone every test possible from multiple mammograms, to ultrasound, to a biopsy, my family went through a roller-coaster of emotions that I am determined never to experience again.  If there was anything good that came out of it, it was that;

- It made Joel even more determined to become a top notch medical professional providing the best nursing care ever. 

- It made me realize that life was too short to be devoted to climbing that corporate ladder.  I wanted to do more to add value to the people around me, and had decided to turn my tarot reading and numerological skills into a hobby that could help support the Children’s Cancer Foundation. 

- It made David realize the transience of life and that, after the years of building an executive search business, all he’s got that was meaningful, was Joel and I.  So here’s what he’s decided to do – Monkey Around.

Monkeying Around

David and I do lead a sedentary life.  Over the years, our love for rugby and sports, gave way to our love for a pint of Guinness, a steak and kidney pie and some chili cheese fries.  Some friends described us this way “…met at rugby, bonded over a Guinness, marriage held together by the love of pie.”  If we continued our sedentary lifestyle, this would be the epitaph on our grave stones.  So we had decided to get serious with fitness. 

I have got a great personal trainer who actually kicked my ass into shape – well, round is a shape.  And I went on the Paleolithic diet – most times.  What I love most is walking the 11km trail on weekends at the MacRitchie Resevoir and walking the dogs at the Botanic Gardens.

David had decided to get serious with his participation in a series of 10km races.  He completed a few in the last 2 years and decided to “graduate” into the 21km half marathon category.  When he told me about his wish to do so, I thought he was crazy.  However, nothing could prepare me for the biggest shocker – his decision to do his FIRST half marathon in a Gorilla Suit.

I thought he’s definitely lost his marbles, until he told me the reason why.  He saw my work in supporting the Children’s Cancer Foundation, and wanted to do something, in his way. So he had decided to do his half marathon in his gorilla suit to raise funds for the charity.

I am worried sick about it because David’s not exactly fit and slim.  He’s not only got to carry his weight through 21km of uphills and downhills throughout the route, but he’s also got to carry the weight of the suit particularly under the hot morning sun.  I was so worried that, that was going to be a recipe for heatstroke and possibly heart attack.

So please, if you are reading this, I would appreciate your supporting David’s endeavor and donating generously to the Children’s Cancer Foundation through this link:

http://www.giveasia.org/s/pgwv6


Familial Support

While painting our Range Rover white and sticking a red cross on its door, I stopped and wondered at how looney but wonderful this family is.  David’s impending looney feat has brought out some interesting insights about Joel which I hadn’t anticipated.

Worried for his pops, Joel was bent on joining him for the run.  He didn’t care for the race pack, his finishing time or even completing the race.  He just wanted to ensure David was safe.  He wanted to be David’s safety aide by carrying a backpack of water, energy bars and energy gels to help David along the way.  More importantly, knowing that that 21km was going to be a very long distance for a novice half –marathoner, he wanted to keep David company.

I love Joel for his thoughtfulness that is so mature beyond his years.    He grew up aware that his family was different and had to deal with questions from friends as a kid.  However, this made him even more aware about the importance of acceptance, adaptability and familial support.  

I remembered when David spoke about delays at work, or clients who were difficult, Joel would put his money from his Chinese New Year red packets and his savings into his Pop’s piggy bank, thinking that would help David.  And he told me not to tell his Pops about it.   That for me, was wonderful to see particularly because it validated the fact that David and Joel’s relationship had gone beyond that of a step-father and a step-son.   This was Joel’s way of rendering familial support in the only way he knew how.

As he knows I am passionate about the Tarot, and in spite of thinking that his mother was a tad looney, he asked to learn the skill from me and was genuinely interested in finding out more about Tarot.   

When I was incapacitated by a couple of surgeries this year, Joel would rush home from school to administer my dressing.

These incidents were just a demonstration of Joel rendering familial support in the only way he knew how.
I am truly grateful for a family that’s far from normal.  I couldn’t ask for anything more.  It’s only because of this family, that I feel truly blessed with abundance. 


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

I Have Learnt To Give Others A Fair Chance

Great Expectations

Where I worked, a few years ago, an ex-boss shaped my perceptions of what bosses should be.  A boss should be demanding, detached, uncaring, cold, officious, and not tolerate being talked back to.  Working for him was a nightmare as I had to walk the fine line between being honest, communicative and upfront, versus being subservient, servile and a “yes –woman”.

Friends and family know that I can never be a “yes-woman”.  I govern my life holding on tightly to the precepts of integrity and honesty.  In my case, it’s brutal honesty.

Reshaping Perceptions Of Myself As A Boss

Needless to say, I did not stay long with that company, and went on to join bigger and better organizations which understood the importance of employee engagement and genuine respect for people.

The best outcome from my experience with that previous boss was that I learnt never to be like him as a manager of a team.   Instead,   I learnt to nurture, respect and guide my team with the genuine intent of shaping them to become great managers themselves in the future.

However, my expectations of my own bosses as my career progressed took a little longer to evolve.  As my mind had already been framed from the past, with the notion that bosses are the “hire and fire at whim” type who would prefer “yes-men” to a brazen broad like me, I often maintained a respectful distance, kept my head down and just focused on my work, rather than proactively engaging them in a social setting.

Reshaping My Perceptions Of My Bosses

The best learning curve for me, was not managing change.  I can deal with changes.  Changes in roles, changes in portfolio, changes in scope, project changes, changes in bosses and change in jobs.  Changes happen all the time throughout my career so I am very good at managing and adapting to them.

The best learning curve for me was learning to manage my own perceptions about colleagues, bosses and even friends.  It usually takes a long time to win my trust, and takes even longer to earn my respect. 

I got lucky post working for that previous company. Over these few years, I was fortunate enough to have worked for a few bosses who were fantastic managers.  They guided me with patience, listened with openness and nurtured me as a fellow team member with the genuine intent to goad me towards a bigger goal of achieving success in all my projects.   I must admit that I was wrong about what bosses generally are.  These bosses were not the “hire and fire at whim” types who preferred “yes-men”. They were genuinely appreciative of good work, and treated staff with respect.  In the face of challenging deadlines, they patiently guided and nurtured the team in the right direction.  They encouraged open and honest communication and respected opinions even when they didn’t agree with them. 

Needless to say, my bosses have earned my respect.  I am thankful for the great relationship we’ve got, and the open discussions that we share.

More importantly, I learnt to understand this very important precept of "giving people a fair chance".    All my life I was quick to judge and label people -  colleagues, bosses, and friends alike.  The lesson I learnt is simple.  Besides being mentors and friends, bosses ultimately just want to be another “fellow member of the project team” who can work closely with us to achieve a common goal.


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".