Wednesday, 14 March 2012

The angry woman has almost left

No, as much as I detest David's habits of leaving his dirty clothes lying around the laundry basket and placing empty chilli sauce bottles and Parmesan cheese containers back in the fridge, I am not leaving him.

I have to admit. I had been tempted to do so a few times before, particularly on days when he thought he was doing his bit for the environment by reusing an underwear from the night before. However, I could never bring myself to leave the man who packed a lifetime of happiness and marital bliss within almost 11 years of marriage, promising me more is yet to come.

So, what did I mean when I said that the angry woman has almost left?

In an earlier blog entry, I described myself as "the angry wife" because of my impatience, my arrogance and my intolerance for many things from loud noises, crowds, untidiness, callousness and dishonesty. I am also particularly unforgiving, and have a penchant to drag out the past, remembering every minute detail down to the nose hairs of an ex-boss from that bank during one of our frequent fights, for example.

However, in the last 2 weeks, I felt like a different person. Calmer and more rational, and almost at peace with myself. David, always having borne the brunt of my quick temper, was the first to notice. Happily so. This evening, he said he couldn't quite recognize his wife . Recalling an old movie "The Invasion of the Body Snatchers," he mumbled something rude about his wife being abducted by aliens.

So I thought it was best to explain the transformation that had taken place recently. I owed it to 2 beautiful crafts which I wished I had discovered years ago. These were - writing a blog and mastering the tarot.

Writing this blog offered me an outlet to share my thoughts with my friends and family. I spent years internalizing as much happiness as I have, hurt and anger that had been accumulating over the years. The only way I knew how to verbalize my emotions was through my belligerence and my expressed utter contempt for the establishment. This blog helped me to structure my thoughts in such a way that I could view every experience I had with a sense of humor and gave me the courage to express this with candor.

Mastering the tarot gave me the opportunity to heal myself. Every reading that I had done for my friends was done with a genuine hope to help heal them as much as my cards had healed me. There were times, when I read the cards for some friends, and I pulled out "negative" cards like the Tower, the Devil, Death and 10 of swords.

To the untrained mind, these cards looked ominous. However, I have learnt through my studies of the Tarot, that sometimes, the cards are advising one to embrace change with an open mind, or sometimes they advise one to face one's fears and have the courage to confront the truth. Sometimes, they advise one to take a step back and approach an issue with a measure of consideration.

When I read my cards for myself, I found myself listening intently to their whispers, offering the best advice I have ever gotten. How wrong could it be for myself, or for anyone else for that matter, when the advice is not to approach a particular issue with aggression but to trust my own instincts and be patient?

Contrary to the views of skeptics who view my Tarot reading as a heathen practice, I saw it as the universe's way of telling me that I am always guided to do what's right for the people around me, and for myself. Just for that alone, my Tarot has contributed to my transformation.

Don't get me wrong. It's still me, in here. Just, a better me. I actually like me better now. I hope you do too. So with this blog entry, I leave you with a picture of Joel at the Transformers exhibition at Resorts World this evening. Well, we went to the exhibition, but we never got to see it. We arrived at 6.30pm, just in time to see them dismantle the exhibits. Usually, I'd tear into a mega rage having rushed all the way from work in an attempt to treat the family to a great night out, only to be disappointed that they missed out on the exhibition. However, I didn't. We had a great night out anyway, notwithstanding the closure of the exhibition, the rain and the hordes of tourists at Resorts World. We even topped our evening with a shopping spree at Candilicious. So you see, I do like the new, calmer me better. The family thinks so too.

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