Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Being Happy With What I Have

Over the weekend, a friend had asked me why I had stopped blogging at http://thecrazyangmoandhisangrywife.blogspot.com. I assured her that I had not, but was consumed with such a busy schedule that I haven't had much time to even log on to Blogger. I checked myself at that point and logged on to Blogger to view my activity profile. I haven't been blogging everyday, but I have been moderately active with my blog entries, particularly at http://sungoddesstarot.blogspot.com lately. I have been running 2 blogs, the first is http://thecrazyangmoandhisangrywife.blogspot.com which was set up for the purpose of detailing my family's quirky exploits. The second is http://sungoddesstarot.blogspot.com which was set up this year, when I built an ardent passion for the art of tarot reading and became a certified professional tarot reader. The latter was a platform I used to detail my exciting journey with tarot.

Bouncing between the 2 blogs was easy initially because the 2 most important areas of my life, family/work and tarot had for a long time sat in separate realms, with the latter forced in its space by the skepticism of family and friends, conjoined only by the jubilation brought by sporadic demonstrations of acceptance from my husband. Lately however, it has become just a little bit more difficult to separate the 2 areas of my life because the "crazy angmo", the not so angry wife, her "Addams' family" and some of her loonie friends have finally come to accept that like my playing the piano, my interest in "non-mainstream" classical music ( specifically Bela Bartok and Smetana), and my love for the "game of the Gods", rugby ( still in love with the game though age and fitness prevents me from continuing to play the game), the tarot has become a key driver of my happiness. So honestly, I shouldn't be afraid of mentioning anything about my world of tarot in my first blog.

A-ha! There you go, I just admitted it unwittingly. I was quite afraid to mention anything about tarot in my blog http://thecrazyangmoandhisangrywife.blogspot.com I have been keeping the subject matters within both blogs quite separate. And you know, I am tired from using my "non-accepting friends and family" as a convenient excuse. In truth, I am still a spectator to an internal war being waged between my rational mind and my intuitive skills. I have detailed some of these challenges in my tarot blog recently. I have been managing this war by wading through my mood swings, hurling into a hermit-like world of expansive studying of more esoteric works and constantly questioning concepts and ideas in my head, with only my fellow tarot-reading friends and mentors within the international tarot community and in Singapore, holding my hand through it all.

I forgot however, that I have got very special people in my life, formerly parked in the "crazyangmo..." world, who have equally, been holding my hand, in their individual ways, throughout this battle within me. Numerologically, my life path number is a 7. I am naturally deign to constantly questioning and seeking truths, discovering new ideas and learning new things. My birthday number of 1, governs my egoistic personality who tend to tread the barren path alone without asking for help. Therefore, as I deal with my growing intuitive skills, the turmoil in my head sends me into a spiral that buries me deep within the cave for fear of being laughed at, for fear of being questioned, for fear of making a mistake on any of my consultations with any of my clients, for fear of generally mixing my "irrational" intuitive skills with my "rational" skills as a marketeer, wife and mother.

Lately, I have begun noticing that my intuitive skills are growing even more such that often when a client presents me a question, a vision forms in my head about his/her story without me shuffling the cards. When I draw the tarot cards, they only serve to validate that vision in my head. My clients always affirms the facts of these stories in my head. That was when I started panicking because I didn't "sign up for this". When I studied tarot and numerology, nothing in the books or in the courses I took talked about getting visions which tell my clients' respective stories. However, I can't stop these visions, when I get a question. True to my life path number 7, I started reading up about this and asking as many questions as I could about this "new party trick". I haven't gotten a satisfying answer till today.

I shuffled my new deck, the Wizards Tarot deck in a bid to do a general read for myself last night with a 3-card spread (image below). And I got the 10 of Cups, the King of Wands, and the 4 of Wands Reversed. These were read in an integrated fashion with no fixed positions. Afterwhich, I pulled the 9 of Cups which formed an advice to my spread. Now, I have been doing tarot readings for numerous clients with ease, but this spread threw me off completely. I wasn't sure what to make of the great 10 of Cups and 9 of Cups cards ( which symbolize fulfilment) juxtaposed with the not so fantastic 4 of Wands Reversed which symbolized instability and uncertainties. And I felt like the King of Wands trying to juggle these extremes with as much "balls" as he can master!

I bounced that spread off to one my mentors Brigit, who very kindly helped me by offering her perspective on it. I think I finally see the light.

In her interpretation, she said that the cards were telling me that I was looking at how I could integrate my personal values and beliefs (10 of Cups) into my longer term vision ( King of Wands). That is true. I have been constantly questioning my intuitive skills, managing the tug-of-war between my rational mind and my intuitive skills, managing my career goals vs my passion and trying to build a long term plan with an end vision of capturing all my passions and my goals all at once, in mind. This period is transitory for me, hence I picked the 4 of Wands Reversed, which suggested that I have been unsettled by this period of transition. Most importantly, I picked the 9 of Cups as my advice. Now, note that earlier, I had picked the 9 of Cups as my card du jour and posted my take on it, on my Sun Goddess Tarot facebook page. So to see the 9 of Cups as an advice to this spread was a bit of a surprise for me. Brigit summed that advice as "Be happy with what you have, and see every moment as a blessing. This will make the 4 of Wands Reversed easier to deal with".

Brigit was brilliant. How could I have not seen that coming? You see, one never stops learning. I can be armed with every tarot and numerology book, every professional tarot reading certificate in the world, set up a successful tarot consultancy, Sun Goddess Tarot, and balance all that with managing a marketing career and running a family. Yet, it all boiled down to my needing to be happy with what I had, and to feel blessed with the skills I got and remain open to the universe to guide me along the way.

About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.

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