Saturday, 11 May 2013

Happy Mothers' Day To Me

A Special Mother-Child Bond

Today is Mothers' Day.  It is my 19th Mothers' Day to be exact and the 43rd one for Mum.  

Mum has a very special relationship with me.  Whatever little arguments and differences we may have had occasionally, we actually have a very close relationship which I felt was based on a lot of selfless love balancing delicately with our individual characteristics.

Like my relationship with Mum, Joel also had a very special relationship with me.  I always thought I did well, and that Joel had grown up very sensible in spite of his younger years when he had to bear the brunt of the negativity when I was undergoing a divorce with his father.  We were both very close and we told each other everything, governing our relationship with a lot of openness and trust.

Then it hit me that he was all grown up as I had alluded in my last blog post  - I found myself going through  Pre-Empty Nester's syndrome, seeing Joel increasingly lesser at home.

Joel's Special Prezzie For Me

However, I do get reminded from time to time, how blessed I am to be a Mother.  Last night, I found a drawing of Joel, David and I, done by Joel when he was about 8 years old.  It was such a heart-warming drawing of our "not very normal but beautiful" family.  It brought back fond memories of days when Joel still "needed" me when he was younger.  Now that he was older, and I saw lesser of him at home, these memories became even more precious to me.

I was thrilled today when I woke up to a giant home-made Mothers' Day card on my dresser.  Joel was not very subtle as I spotted him clumsily fiddling with stickers, pens, and scrapbooking materials late last night.  I knew he was creating something for me and secretly I felt very pleased.  In the wee hours of the morning, I heard his heavy footsteps stumbling into my room.  He was trying to place his completed Mothers' Day card on my dresser without my knowing but of course I knew, and had to turn over to smile secretly to myself.

I read every word on that card this morning when I woke up, and it made be cry.  You see, I had "separation issues" when he was spending a lot of time with his girlfriend and less time with me.  I was quite possessive of his time with me.  I didn't quite minded his time at school, with his friends, on his hobbies, but time spent with his girlfriend often sent me into an insane frenzy.

However, when i read the words on that card, I felt I was now ready to let go because this was what it said, "I chose to put my efforts into my relationship with her.  She's done many things that have reminded me of my time with you."  

Ready To Let Go

My son is all grown up.  I am ready to let go now.  I should be happy, if he had found a girlfriend who shared his passions, his good times and his bad times, nurtured his personality and created fond memories with.  I had a lot of precious memories of times spent with past boyfriends.  Each one of them taught me something new, and developed my emotional resilience.  I became a better wife because of my past relationships.  

Being a mother meant that I had to also be ready to let go as he grew up to discover the world out there.  Discovering the world out there meant that I had to accept that he might trip and fall on his face from time to time.  I would not be there to help catch him when he did fall, but I could be there to pick him up, brush the dirt off his knees and send him off again to discover more new things.

So yes, I think I am ready to let him go now.

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

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