Echoes from Kuching and Sibu: When History Repeats Itself

 There’s a saying that goes like that.  “The past never truly dies; it just changes faces”.

Many years ago, in the dusty streets of Kuching, my great-grandmother lived through a heartbreak that would shape our family for generations. She married my great-grandfather, unaware that he had already taken a wife in China. She couldn’t read or write, so when she pressed her thumb onto a document that the immigration officials placed before her, she thought it was an act of trust. 

My great grandmother with my Mom 

when the latter was very young

Little did she know that the paper she signed would summon his first wife from across the sea,  bringing with her a storm that would tear one home into two.  

My great grandfather and his 2 wives

You can read more about my maternal family’s story here: http://thecrazyangmoandhisangrywife.blogspot.com/2016/01/

That deceit caused by one man’s selfishness, split the family between Kuching and Sibu.
My great-grandmother left, with little money, raising her children alone in Sibu. She made do with whatever she had, surviving on grit and quiet strength. 

Yet, the wound of that betrayal never truly healed. It lingered like a shadow that stretched across time.

Fast forward several generations. The places have changed. Kuching still hums with life, Sibu remains steady and stubborn but the ghosts of old wrongs seem to know their way back.

Two of my aunts in Kuching devoted their lives to caring for their aging parents, my grand uncle and grand aunt. They were there for the doctor visits and the late-night worries. They didn’t have much, but they gave what mattered most: time, care, and love.

When their parents passed on, another sister,  the executor of the estate, decided that the family house, the one where my aunts had lived and cared for their elders, should be sold. There was no discussion, no compassion, no plan for where the old and frail would go. Just a simple, heartless instruction: pack up and leave.

And so, history repeats.

My grand uncle’s house in Kuching

Once again, dishonesty and greed tear through a family that once stood together. Once again, women,  older, softer, but stronger than they appear are left to fend for themselves.

It’s tragic, really. That the same betrayal that crossed oceans now crosses generations. That lessons our ancestors paid for in tears and hardship are still being ignored by their descendants.

I sometimes wonder if family legacies are like soil.   What’s sown deep down eventually surfaces. If deceit is planted, even in the distant past, maybe it keeps finding ways to grow unless someone finally digs deep enough to uproot it.

To my great-grandmother in Sibu, I think of you often.  You were wronged, yet you endured. I hope this time, your story and your strength will remind us that no inheritance, no property, no signature is worth more than the simple act of being kind and honest to family.

Maybe, if we remember that, we can finally stop history from repeating itself.

My 2 aunts from Kuching whom I love and care about

Notes For The Aspiring Entrepreneur In 2024

 A couple of months ago, I participated in an all women panel discussion focused on the topic of entrepreneurship.  At this  event organised by Media Clubroom in collaboration with She Brilliance  land the SMU Institute of Innovation & Entrepreneurship, my fellow panelists and I shared our respective journeys, offering tips to kickstart a business, as well as advice on dealing with setbacks, fears and other pitfalls. 

 Here are some nuggets from my experience in running Bravery Communications for those seeking to start up this year.

1. There's never a perfect time.  The time to start is now!

Starting my own business was much like catapulting myself into the wilderness. After 25 comfortable years of being part of the corporate machinery, I found myself in a career crossroad when I was tipped out of my comfort zone as a corporate animal into the opportunity to establish my own company. When and how do I start? I needed many things sorted out, including money, contacts, clients, an office, and a work laptop. There was simply no perfect time to start. I had to do what was necessary. I decided to push past the over-thinking and self-limiting beliefs to start my business with whatever I had in the simplest way possible. No office space? Work from home.  No clients yet? Reach out and connect with people I knew. 

2. Overcome imposter syndrome.

Can I really do it? What will others think? Regardless of age or experience, there will always be a seed of self-doubt hiding in a corner of everyone's hearts and minds. What do you choose to believe about yourself? Remove this by reflecting on your superpowers and believing that your talents are meant to serve a purpose. I reflected on my corporate achievements and identified my superpower of shaping powerful brand narratives that touched millions of lives.  

3. Network, network, network.

Start getting to know people widely. It could be on LinkedIn, community groups, and associations. When I first left the corporate world, most of my contacts were from work and I barely had friends beyond that circle. I almost had to start from scratch.  I started to join communities and built a network of contacts who became very good friends so ready to support me in any way they could.

4. Be brave enough to ask for help, and be open to help.

Yes they are two different things.  Some people I know are so afraid to ask for help, for fear that they might be perceived negatively.  Some people are not even open to receiving help because they might feel that they have had years of experience and skills behind them, and they could  do without help.  

When I first started, I knew I could never do this alone.  I reached out to an ex-boss, ex-colleagues, friends and colleagues from the Pr and creative agencies that I had worked with throughout my career.  I was very transparent about the help I needed. Some offered advice, others offered to connect me with the right people and a couple more  offered me the opportunity to work with their team on a retainer basis.  One of which was my ex-boss who is still my client today.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Contrary to what I thought,  there really are so many people out there whether they are close contacts or mere strangers, who are willing to help if only you’d ask. 

5.  Essential qualities for a successful entrepreneur: Be curious, sincere, and brave  

I found it helpful to co-create a problem statement with a client and understand the gap they are facing before supporting them in resolving their challenges. You want your clients to buy into your sincerity and genuine desire to partner with them for greater growth. And it helps to never say die. There's always a way to make things work if you give it a chance. Most times, it's all about perspectives and angles.

If you are thinking of starting your own business,  do connect with me should you need someone to talk to.

The Value Of Values

 

Many years ago, I invited my son's ex-girlfriend to dinner. I remembered it was Chap Goh Mei or the final day of the 15 days Lunar New Year celebrations which traditionally was an important day for familial gatherings.  Yes I treated her like family. She arrived nearly two hours late without notice, but we waited since she was “family”. Imagine our shock when she said: "You should have started without me!" when she finally sauntered through the door, with no apology or thanks for being late. The incident would have passed and faded out of our memories if she had not been preoccupied with her phone for most of the dinner. There were no attempts at having a conversation, or any offer of reciprocity to help with the dishes. Did she enjoy dinner? Were we able to make her feel special? We did what we could, but in the 10 years of their courtship, similar episodes have convinced us that we could not connect with this young lady despite our best attempts. 

I have always said that I could only work with people aligned with my values.  In the same vein, I connect best with people who hold dear to the right values.   This lady clearly lacked values.  She did not reciprocate our goodwill, she had never shown kindness, and she lacked respect.

To put this point in context, let me share a past blogpost where I had alluded to how the right values are important to me.  https://thecrazyangmoandhisangrywife.blogspot.com/2016/10/extending-olive-branch-to-my-son.html?m=1

Before I get mistaken as the disgruntled potential mother-in-law, complaining about my son’s underwhelming choice in women, let me explain why this incident stuck in my mind as a reminder of how much emphasis I put on values.

Some months back, I wrote an article at my personal LinkedIn page about emotional desensitization as a result of our prolonged interactions online. The ghosting culture is widely practised, further normalising impolite behaviour. Plus, the lack of consideration for others is exactly how we lose the 'human touch'. Before the internet removed tonality from our daily interactions, people were raised to recognise and reciprocate goodwill. Communication required a lot more effort: meeting someone face-to-face, writing a note by hand, paying for expensive phone calls or actual telegrams (not that app). That was how bonds were strengthened. Be it through a gift or a call, it's clear when people cared and their actions were often appreciated.

As we begin the new year, it's apt to use this new season to reflect on the goodness around us. Cherish every connection, mirror every kind gesture, and make a concrete effort to demonstrate care.  Always be kind. 

Constant reminders of how one is valued and appreciated enhance our human experience because unlike technology, we have emotions.  

From Layoff To Lift-off

 

While it's common for people to share their experiences of resigning from a job that no longer brings them happiness, there seems to be a reluctance to discuss being laid off due to the stigma attached to it. Despite this, I choose to open up and share what I went through, as I believe it can provide comfort and guidance to those currently going through similar situations.

I had spent about 25 years in the corporate world.  While many would celebrate this silver jubilee with a luxurious vacation, mine ended with an unexpected layoff.

Though I saw it coming, the emotions didn't hit until I wheeled my belongings out of the office I'd occupied for over a decade.

Losing a job is one of the most stressful experiences in life, and even if it's foreseeable, it's hard to be fully prepared.

From my own experience, I know that initial emotions are usually anger and anxiety. 

Being retrenched feels personal, and the initial thoughts are often about how good one's performance had been. But it's crucial to understand that it's a corporate decision, not a reflection of one's capabilities. 

In the current climate of news regarding job losses, I'd like to share three things I've learned from my experience.

1. Take time to process your emotions but adopt a positive mindset once you're ready to move forward.

Losing a job can be a traumatic experience that can greatly affect one's self-esteem and mental health. I experienced depression and had to process emotions of anger, sadness, and anxiety. 

During this time, I also had a series of interviews with my favorite brands, but my imposter syndrome got the best of me, and I failed spectacularly. 

It's true that negative thoughts can attract negative outcomes.

However, after acknowledging my feelings and taking an objective view of the situation, I realized that my layoff was not a reflection of my capabilities. 

It was a corporate decision made to reduce headcount, or whatever strategic business decision it was that frankly, based on my track record reflected in my annual appraisals, had nothing to do with my performance. 

Rather than feeling bitter and inadequate, I reminded myself of my 25 years of marketing communications experience, and that I could apply my skills and knowledge in various areas. That experience is my super power.

This shift in mindset was empowering and allowed me to shed my ego and connect with others, which brings me to my next point:

2. Communicate and connect with your professional circle.

Despite feeling dejected and hopeless after my layoff, I was pleasantly surprised by the overwhelming support I received from my network once I opened up about my experience. 

Their warm words and advice, such as "Nothing changes the fact that you're a great marketer," "Don't get angry, get on with it," and "What can I do for you?" still stick in my mind today.

my network, I was introduced to various associates who generously referred me to potential job opportunities. 

For example, the ex CHRO of the company I had worked for, Jonas Ang, introduced me to May Cheng who then introduced me to the inspiring and energetic Kim Underhill, who invited me to join  She Brilliance, a women's mentoring and support group at which I remain actively involved in today.

My friends and business contacts rallied around me with advice, supported me with introductions, invited me into their respective communities, and that helped grow my network of friendships out of which some had become my clients today.

Many people view being laid off as a taboo topic, but we shouldn't treat it as a stigma. There are many people out there ready to offer us the support we need; we just need to be open to receiving it.

3. Review your finances, and consider your next steps.

As the primary earner for my family, I had to thoroughly assess my financial situation and determine how many months my family could survive without my income. 

After carefully considering my options, I ultimately decided to establish Bravery Communications, a marketing communications consultancy, instead of seeking employment with another company.

Being a solopreneur allows me greater flexibility as well as the opportunity to work only with clients that are aligned with my values.

While my fixed salary covers household expenses and my mother's allowance, I supplement my income by increasing my focus on my side hustle, which generates additional income each month.  

The experience forced me to be practical with my finances, and acknowledge how much was really enough to allow my family and I to have a reasonably good quality of life.  I even called on the professional expertise of my financial planner to do a financial review at this juncture when I lost my job and was about to embark on a new entreneurial journey, and map a financial gameplan for me based on my new circumstance. 

We need to approach our finances and future plans in a feasible manner, and it helps to do a sense-check with the family too.  My husband was my main pillar of support throughout the whole ordeal then and even now,  as a key member of my team within my firm, managing all the invoicing, expenses, and tax matters.

If you’ve recently lost your job or know someone going through tough times, please know this: you are not alone. With a positive mindset, you can turn from layoff to lift-off and stride forward in your career. Please reach out to me if you need to talk, my inbox is always open.

This blogpost was written for and on behalf of me by the talented Lena Loke.

 

Owning My Own Story With Bravery Communications

Many have told me that this was a difficult year, particularly those who had faced redundancies, job restructuring and business closures.  For me, this year was unprecedented, but I beg to differ on that opinion about how difficult it was.   If I had to walk through the year all over again, I would, because I believe in owning my own story.

You see,  I lost my job after spending more than 10 years at it, but i had not lost my spirit.  In fact, it gave me the opportunity to rest, restore my energy, re-evaluate my goals and revitalise that determination to regain control of my life.  

I turned my focus back to my health when I discovered that I was suffering from hormonal imbalance   and got my health back on the mend through a combination of better nutrition, regular workouts and plenty of rest.

I picked up a new sport and won Gold in my age group at the Singapore Masters Athletics mini competition. 

I poured through several courses and took pleasure in that learning journey to sharpen my skills. 

I reached out to  old friends, and made new ones, who had encouraged me to set up my own communications practice. Very quickly, I landed myself with my first few clients for Bravery Communications, whose visions  were aligned to my company’s values of authenticity.  I am so grateful to them for taking a chance on me to help them tell their respective brand stories authentically.

You know what they say about things that happen for a purpose?  I found my purpose because of what I had been through this year. “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” - Brene Brown Many have told me that this was a difficult year, particularly those who had faced redundancies, job restructuring and business closures.  For me, this year was unprecedented, but I beg to differ on that opinion about how difficult it was.   If I had to walk through the year all over again, I would, because I believe in owning my own story.

You see,  I lost my job after spending more than 10 years at it, but i had not lost my spirit.  In fact, it gave me the opportunity to rest, restore my energy, re-evaluate my goals and revitalise that determination to regain control of my life.  

I turned my focus back to my health when I discovered that I was suffering from hormonal imbalance   and got my health back on the mend through a combination of better nutrition, regular workouts and plenty of rest.

I picked up a new sport and won Gold in my age group at the Singapore Masters Athletics mini competition. 

I poured through several courses and took pleasure in that learning journey to sharpen my skills. 

I reached out to  old friends, and made new ones, who had encouraged me to set up my own communications practice. Very quickly, I landed myself with my first few clients for Bravery Communications, whose visions  were aligned to my company’s values of authenticity.  I am so grateful to them for taking a chance on me to help them tell their respective brand stories authentically.

You know what they say about things that happen for a purpose?  I found my purpose because of what I had been through this year. “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” - Brene Brown