Cruising To A New Sunrise

A Vacation With The Extended Family

 
When Mom broached the subject of an extended family vacation on the Royal Caribbean – Mariner of the Seas for 5 days, I spent 2 weeks mulling about spending my precious leave days from work stuck in a cruise ship.  My thoughts on the first week was focused on the possibility and ease at which I could jump overboard and swim back to shore should the need arise.  The second week was dedicated to research about the facilities and activities on the ship which could allow me to have adequate me time away from the claustrophobia I might feel from being restricted to the space within the ship as well as  the disdain I felt about being immersed in a crowd of tourists queuing at the dining room entrance an hour before meal times, reserving deck chairs with their towels at 5am in the morning,  and stacking their plates with dessert, appetizer and main course all at once.

 
It did not help Mom’s case about this vacation when she sold it in this manner, “I booked you and I on a cruise with the family because if you come along, I get 50% discount on the price as I am a ‘senior citizen’.  So you must come ah!”
 

Obediently, I applied for leave from work and assured my men at home that the only reason I was leaving them behind was that they were not senior citizens.

 

Determined To Enjoy The Cruise

 
I was determined to enjoy my first experience on the cruise.  The friendly crew from the State Room attendant right through to the waiting staff at the restaurants went above and beyond to delight the guests, so it was not difficult to relax into a daily routine of enjoying the copious amount of food served 24 hours a day, and the professionally produced staged shows each night.  Several bars were dotted conveniently at each deck of the ship, in case I was driven to drink while managing conversations as civilly as possible with an uncle who had an EQ of 0. 

 
I was also cognizant of the fact that with an 86 year old grandmother in tow, I had the responsibility of ensuring that she enjoyed every minute of that vacation time with the family.  Mom often whispered to me as she kept me in check when I felt annoyed enough to want to hit that 0-EQ Uncle on the head with my shoe, “How much more time does Granny have with us? Please think twice before you say anything stupid.”

  

Family Time

 As we sailed across the Malacca Straits into the Andaman Sea, I woke up each morning at 5am to capture the Sunrise, and left our dinner table abruptly each evening at 6pm to capture the Sunset. I spent most of the mornings perfecting a selfie against the backdrop of the emerald-green waters of the ocean.  I wheeled Granny into the Casino to watch her operate the jackpot machine like a rabid Pilot on the computer dashboard of the Starship Enterprise.  I strolled with Mom along the jogging path on the deck whilst listening to a lengthy lecture on sun-damaged skin and ageing. I shared jokes with my other 2 favorite uncles who were gifted with higher EQ than the eldest one.
 

I did not have a chance to embark on my daily gym routine although the ship had a huge gym filled with state-of-the-art equipment because I did not fancy spending an hour working out, only to spend another 3 hours trying to hunt down the rest of the family throughout the ship after. I was all kitted up and ready for my sunset rock-wall-climbing experience but Mom was more interested in lining up for a chicken roll and a slice of pizza at the 24-hour café.  So I decided that spending time with Mom having a good chat over a cup of tea while she polished several chicken rolls and slices of pizza was more important.   I registered for yoga classes early in the morning but decided  that sitting out on our balcony with Mom to discuss the important topic of what shapes the clouds made, was more fun.  I was prepared to spend my day enjoying a half-empty ship as the rest of the guests disembark for their shore excursion in Phuket one day. As my son aptly put it across Facebook one day, “For Mom, a HAPPY CRUISE IS AN EMPTY CRUISE.”  However, I decided to disembark the ship in the afternoon to take my Mom out for a little shopping trip in Patong Beach, Phuket, and we enjoyed the ubiquitous Thai fare of Pad Thai and Boat Noodles before returning to the ship.

 
Throughout the cruise, I hardly had any Me Time as I tried to “stick with the program” to spend more quality time with my extended family. So when I returned from the cruise, a friend said in surprise, “What? You packed for a vacation with the intention to spend more time in the gym each day to get fitter, do your sprints around the track, attend yoga and pilates classes and get in some massage time but you did none of these! What exactly were you doing for 5 days?”

 

Chasing A New Sunrise

 
I reflected on my experience during the cruise and realized that the reason I had initial doubts and skepticism about this vacation was because I had been chasing my sunrise and sunsets in a wrong way. 

 
I was focused on the superficial aspects of special moments that I was expecting to enjoy, like waking up at 5am to wait for the sunrise. However, I forgot about the miracle behind a sunrise and the fact that the sunrise each day, actually looked very different from each other, beckoning me to see each day as a gift and an opportunity to start anew.
 

This vacation was not about spending more time with an 86 year old Granny who might have so little time left with us.  It was about reconnecting with the grand dame of the family who had planted the roots of piety, familial love, and resilience in the ground for my mother’s generation, my generation and the generation after.  That was an invaluable lesson in committing to celebrate our family’s past, present and future.

 
It was not about having to manage verbal altercations with my eldest Uncle who had very little social aptitude.  It was about the fun and jokes my other uncles and I shared across the dinner table, having a hearty laugh at my eldest uncle’s callous retorts that he had often dished out irrationally.  That was an invaluable lesson in diffusing tension and managing the dynamics of interpersonal relationships.
 

It was not about how much time I spent with Mom throughout the vacation.  It was all about the quality time spent having meaningful conversations with her during the cruise, sharing our thoughts, fears and memories.  This was an invaluable lesson in the need for me to make the effort to continue having more meaningful conversations with her even after the vacation.  Acknowledging that I spent little time with her every week, I was committed to ensure that each moment I spent with her would be one where I was fully present.

 

Coming Home To New Perspectives

 
On the last day of the cruise, as my ship pulled into Singapore waters and the skyline of the central business district came into full view, adorned with a spectacular sunrise, I began to see this wonderfully quirky extended family in a new light. We all came together, whatever differences we had as a family, and whatever expectations we had about the cruise.  What pulled us together was the fact that we celebrated a priceless moment together as a family.  We might sometimes fight, and we might sometimes not speak to each other, or we might each hold stubbornly strong to our respective opinions.  However, nothing could change the fact that we were a closely-knitted family. 

 
How could I ask for anyone within the family to change, including my uncle with 0 EQ? I will always love them for who they are.  Every day, I celebrate a new sunrise, and like a new sunrise, I am grateful for the opportunity to feel the warmth and love within this family.

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Boxing and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

Letting Go Of Fear

Letting Go Of Fear

 

How many times have we anticipated discomfort or danger and would provide every excuse to avoid it or plan to the T with 4 contingency plans to manage it?
 

These few weeks, I learnt a few things about letting go of fear.  The good thing was that I realized it did not take special skills.  You did not need strength, courage, determination or any fluffy concept that you could create a cringe-worthy motivational poster from, to let go of fear.  All these just focused on one's "ego self".  Letting go of fear was really about making room in your heart to trust the people around you to hold your hand when you are afraid to take a step forward into an uncomfortable space.

 

Fear Of Drowning

 

 

During a family holiday in Phuket recently, we enjoyed a wonderful stay at a huge villa perched on top of a hill, overlooking the beach.  It was gorgeous.  It came with a jacuzzi bath big enough for 2 people and a pool that thankfully was not quite the size of a bird bath. 

 

David, Joel and I spent most of our vacation floating about in the pool.  Mom however, spent the initial couple of days relaxing on the deck chair, reading or stuffing her face with nuts and chips.  We finally convinced her that the water level in the pool was shallow and unless she was built like a hobbit, her feet would be able to touch the bottom of the pool.

 

She was terrified of water.  She almost drowned as a child when she was riding in a little small boat or “sampan” and swore never to go anywhere near a pool, river or beach ever again. 

 

However, after some gentle persuasion, and knowing that she could trust the 3 of us to hold her in case she slipped in the pool, she gingerly made her way into the water, fully clothed and one hand clung tightly to me and the other to the side of the pool.  We were very pleased that she had let go of her fear of drowning and joined the family inside the pool. 

 

Although it was the one and only time she used the pool, and of course we were not expecting her to do the back-stroke in it, we were extremely happy that at least, she tried.   

 

She managed to let go of her fear, and let it be.

 

Mom's first steps into the pool after so many years.  She's grabbing to the side of the pool for dear life.

 

Fear Of Not Catching Up

 

This week, Joel enlisted into the army to fulfil his 2-year national service obligation.   As I was anxious about his fitness level, I hired a personal trainer 2 months before his enlistment to put him through a fitness routine that could prepare him for the rigors of military training.

 

When the day of his enlistment arrived, he was quite calm and composed.  He packed his bag on his own, gathered the necessary documents, rounded up the family and then we made our way together to the Basic Military Training Camp.  Along the way, I checked on him repeatedly just to be sure that he was emotionally calmed and mentally prepared.  He then quietly told me, “Mom, I am excited about the new experience ahead of me. I am looking forward to a new life in the army.  However I am worried I would not be able to catch up.”

 

There you go.  Fear. 

 

So I spent some time talking to him about how the army was going to take care of him.  They would make every effort to ensure that the boys would be able to catch up with each other and acclimatize to military life before allowing them to advance in the next stage of their training.   I told him that what was more important was that he embraced this new life with an open heart and an open mind, and treat each situation as a learning curve that will contribute to his growth and development. The commander of the camp even addressed the anxious group of parents and the boys, quite transparently explaining the entire training regime, objectives and expectations. He assured me that my son was in good hands. As if it was a sign, we spotted an old friend who was one of the officers in charge of the company.  That put Joel's mind at ease.

 

Well, he was allowed to make one phone call to me every night and I am very pleased that he rattled non-stop about the fun he was having, although he could not remember his buddy’s name and he could not recognize the meat from the vegetable in the meals provided.

 

I guess he will survive the 2 years of military service with ease. He managed to let go of his fear and let it be.

The day before his enlistment when he still had hair.
 

Welcome to military life

The bed at the soldiers' quarters looked quite comfy.

Standard military issue.  I hope Joel doesn't lose it during field camp.

This was Joel's first meal at the cookhouse.  It's possibly his best meal at the cookhouse.

Fear Of Not Meeting Expectations

 

 

With Mom and Joel letting go of their respective fears, where did that leave mine?  I spent a sleepless 2 weeks worrying about the visit of my company’s global board of directors and the global executives.  Many regional colleagues had regaled about the fabulous experience the board and executives had when they made market visits in the last few years.  I was so worried that I could not meet with their expectations when they visited our market, especially when our resources were limited.
 

The best thing that happened during the board and executives’ visit was that the entire team banded together, and worked very long hours to create a fool-proof logistical plan to manage this visit.  To transfer almost 20-30 people across the island to several meeting venues and activities was terribly challenging.  There were last minute changes to the plans, last minute requests and last minute issues that sent the team spiraling into a whirlwind of confusion.  However, in the end, we managed to make the right things happen at the right time.  There was no magic formula.  All it took was great teamwork, empathy, generosity of time, positivity of spirit.  We banded together through the rough patches and we did meet the expectations of the regional bosses after all. 

 

This experience taught me the invaluable lesson that I should learn to let go of my fears, trust the team more and just let it be. I should have trusted that the project was in the hands of very capable people who managed it with a lot of pride in their work.

What a fabulous looking team!
 

The amazing team who made it all happen.  I am so grateful to them for their generosity of time and energy, their teamwork, empathy and for  keeping the spirits up. I could never have done it without them.

 

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.