What Dad Taught Me
As we honor our Fathers this weekend on Fathers’ Day, I had decided to write this blog post to honor the most important men in my life whom I think are possibly the best Dads in the world.
Dad is truly my hero. Everything that I am today, I owe it to him. Dad held 2 things closest to his heart – his family and his political beliefs. So I grew up with the notion that life offered me only 2 things worth fighting for – my family and my right to an opinion.
My tenacity and never-say-die attitude were all aspects of Dad that I grew up with. My conviction to always stand up for what I believed in and to not be afraid to lend a voice to these beliefs, were all nurtured by Dad. When Dad was incarcerated for his political beliefs that fell outside the approved pantone code of that whitewash dished out by the establishment, he taught me that oppression was the worst form of abuse that should never be tolerated. When I saw him being led away by the clipboard-toting establishment lackeys when I was 8 years old, not because he was a criminal but because he did not share the same political convictions, I “found my voice” that day by telling these lackeys how wrong they were to label an ideological difference as a crime. I was then just 8 years old. Ever since, I never stopped lending my voice to a cause I am passionate about.
I Found My Dad In My Hubby
David will deny this vehemently. However, he is somewhat like Dad. A typical Scot steeped in traditional family values, David is extremely protective of the family and will do anything to ensure we are not in want of anything. Even though Joel is his step-son, that term was never used in or outside the home. To David, Joel is his son. In his paternal role, be it the disciplinarian, the counselor, the best friend, or the teacher, David was first and foremost Joel’s “Pops”. David was the one who taught him to swim, the one who taught him to ride his first bike, the one who comforted him when he failed his exams, the one who counseled him when he had girlfriend issues, the one who taught him how to shave, the one who gave him money so he could go repair his bicycle tire, and the one who baked him a cake for one of his birthday parties. My Dad did all that for me and it was heartwarming to see the world’s best stepdad doing that for my son.
Just like Dad was feisty and tenacious, David is the same. He stands up for what he believes in and his ego never gets in the way of what he needs to do when he believes in it. When Dad did not approve of our marriage many years ago, David visited Dad 4 times with the aim of convincing him about how serious he was about me. Each time, Dad would chase him out of the office and told him to leave. David never gave up and was very persistent. He told Dad, “I don’t care if you dislike me, but I want you to stand behind your daughter because she deserves the love and support of the most important man in her life.” I will never forget that because that tenacity had since been nurtured in Joel.
When Joel had to navigate his "Gaylord Focker complex" a year ago, when he was allocated to a nursing course which was not his first choice, it was his tenacity that turned that complex to a situation where he found his aspiration. He said, " Mum, I am going to be a Nursing Director at the hospital and when I have saved enough, I will one day open my own private nursing care business." I am so proud that David taught my son to have guts.
Dads Are Heroes
Joel and I feel very blessed to have Dad and David in our lives.
I am at the stage of my life when I am juggling multiple commitments, managing mounting workload, leading a team and running my Tarot consultancy. This is the time I need these men in my life most to hold my hand as I walk along this journey to find my bliss.
Joel is at the age now where he needs a Dad most. He is managing the intense workload at nursing school braving days of grueling training at the hospital as well as doing projects at campus. While doing so, he is at the age of discovering strong friendships and developing a relationship. Dad carried me through the challenges of my varsity days, when I discovered boyfriends and when I had to maneuver through the challenges of a divorce and a second marriage. So likewise, David is carrying Joel through his challenges too.
Indeed, Dad and David are our heroes. I grew up with so much of Dad in me. I am certain that Joel, having grown up with so much of David in him, will one day, be the best father ever too…..BUT NOT TOO SOON PLEASE, JOEL.
About the writer:
The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son. She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".
A Daughter For Life!
When I was a child, my parents were my world. I grew up in fear that one day they would grow old, fly up into the clouds and become angels. I want them to stay by my side, cook and clean for me, fetch me from school, sit beside me as I practiced on my piano, buy new accessories for my doll’s house, and repair my baby dolly so that she can pee without my having to squeeze her little tummy.
As an adult, my parents are still my world. I live in fear that one day they would grow old, fly up into the clouds and become angels. I want them to stay by my side to cook my favorite food, be arbitrator when I fight with my son, walk the dogs when I am on vacation, feed the hubby when I travel on business ( or was it the other way around, walk the hubby and feed the dogs…can’t remember) and tell me stories about my younger days when I grew up in fear of their growing old, flying into the clouds and becoming angels.
Before I married David, I told him that he had to accept the notion that in my life, Joel was number 1, Mum and Dad were number 2, and he would be number 3 after the dogs in my list of priorities. He was new to Singapore, a waif and stray, so he agreed and we got married. He spent the last 14 years of our lives together, being there for Mum and Dad, fetching and sending and running errands for them, like a good son-in-law should. It made me extremely happy when he did all that.
Mum had always told me before I had Joel, that if I had a son, I would actually be bringing up a man who would one day be taking care of another man’s daughter. If I had a daughter, I would have a daughter for life who would love me forever, and would live in fear of my growing old, flying up into the sky and becoming an angel.
A Son For Life?
When Joel entered nursing school last year, he had put his heart and soul into the course after his initial misgivings about being “Gaylord Focker”. David and I made every effort to ensure he stayed on track, encouraging him all the way, and appointed him our personal private nurse at home. On days when I didn’t cut my finger while peeling an apple, he gladly volunteered to be the personal private nurse to our dogs. They didn’t seem to mind the exercise of running around the house, away from his stethoscope and blood pressure monitor.
Not too fond of examinations, Joel struggled through the stress of burning the midnight oil during the nursing examinations. He was not particularly fond of pharmaceuticals – frankly how difficult was it to spell Aspirin?
So like a good mother, I made sure I stayed up with him, blogging into the night, like I am doing now, while he practiced how to spell the word Aspirin. I even made tea for him, made late night sandwiches and prepared other snacks for him, made sure he was well fed and watered while he studied. David even did the dog-walking and garbage-throwing duties during Joel’s examinations.
Our display of parental love and commitment surely must be exemplary.
And what did the boy do?
A Boy Lost
This afternoon, Joel texted me with this cursory note, “Passed Exams.” I was ecstatic! I told him how proud I was and how wonderful that his hard work paid off, and promised him a wonderful weekend of treats.
Then as I was checking my FaceBook newsfeeds, I spotted Joel’s post on his status update. A proud declaration rung seemingly loudly across his FaceBook status “Passed all my modules for year 1, semester 2. Got my girl to thank for pulling up my Human Bioscience grades…if it wasn’t for her constant nagging and dragging me out to study on weekends knowing that I’ll most probably be slacking away at home, I think I’ll be seeing myself re-sitting the year 1 exams again. Bravo.”
Bravo indeed. My own son forgot for that moment, how much effort, prayers, hope and sweat his Pops and Mum had put into ensuring his success.
We were gutted.
But We Are Still Here
Like a good mother, and like my mother before me, and her mother before her, I will still walk beside my child throughout his journey through life, unscathed by such lack of consideration for our commitment and love as parents. Parental love is unconditional, I was told. However, from time to time, I wished he would tell me he lived in fear that I would grow old one day, fly up into the sky and become an angel.
About the writer:
The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son. She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".
Motivational Mondays
I have decided that, just for a change this week, I was going to write about the kind and random act of someone I don’t know personally but am very inspired by. That’s what Motivational Mondays are for, isn’t it? We need something to kick the Monday blues right out of our system so that we can instead, look forward to the blessings that we will chance upon along the way this week.
A Random Act of Kindness
I chanced upon the story in The New Paper in August this year about the 27 year old Lin Dilun who had donated his healthy kidney to a complete stranger, a 6 year old little boy called Brian Liu.
Little Brian had no kidneys. Shockingly, in the last 3 years, he was not able to urinate because of his medical condition. When Lin read about the plight of the boy in the newspapers, he made a monumental decision to donate his kidney to Brian. He did not simply showed up at the hospital to get the procedure done. He had to endure 2 years of medical tests before he could finally undergo the procedure to remove his kidney so that it could be transplanted into Brian.
This was a totally random act of kindness, to a totally random stranger. I am still baffled by Lin’s altruistic actions but also very inspired by it, knowing that there’s so much good in this world still, in spite of the pressures and complexities of life around us.
Inspired By Joel’s Dedication
I think, within each one of us, there’s always that capacity for a random act of kindness. I am not asking everyone to donate a kidney here, but our respective acts of kindness take different shapes and form. Here’s an example of one, inspired by Joel.
Joel’s clinical attachment at the Singapore General Hospital had ended a couple of days ago. He came home from his shift looking quite despondent and told us that he had enjoyed his stint so much that he thought it was too short. He said that it saddened him to break the news to some of his patients that he wasn’t going to be at the hospital next week to tend to their needs and he was genuinely worried about these patients and how they were progressing with their respective medical conditions. Joel also recounted how some of his patients were dismayed about the news as they were often delighted by Joel’s visits.
Joel spoke particularly fondly of an elderly gentleman who was going to be relocated to a nursing home. In spite of the fact that Joel had completed his clinical attachment for the semester, and that he had no familial relations with this elderly man, he told me that he was going to find out which nursing home the old man was going to be relocated to so that he could visit him.
I am not sure where Joel’s compassionate heart came from and I would never dare to assume that he had inherited it from us. However, it made me proud to know that he has governed his life with empathy, kindness and generosity.
About the writer:
The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son. She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".
Acceptance
Just as I had gone through a period of transformation this year, Joel went through his. He had to stomach the disappointment of not doing as well as he had expected at the GCE O’ Levels examinations, and was forced to come to terms with accepting admission into a course at the Polytechnic that he did not opt for as a first choice, nursing.
For him, it was a painful journey of acceptance, compromise and most of all humility throughout the first few months of the year. He was so adamant about not wanting to be “Gaylord Focker” staring down a patient’s bedpan throughout his life. However, upon our encouragement, he did some desktop research about the profession, read all the materials sent over by the polytechnic and I dragged him, kicking, to a career fair for prospective medical professionals. The lady nurses at the career fair must have helped swung his thoughts positively towards the profession.
He took our advice to embrace the nursing course as a learning experience, and we told him to enjoy his campus life. There was going to be so many more years filled with plenty of opportunities ahead of him. If he doesn’t try it out with an open mind, he will never know.
The Transformation
Over the months, I had seen Joel traipse in and out of home and campus with a little spring in his step and he had talked incessantly about the lecturers, his course mates, his tutorials and his industrial attachment at the hospital. Recently, the chats about these were injected with a lot of humor, enthusiasm and a can-do spirit. He seemed to be voraciously learning as much as he could because he came home spewing weird medical terms in a bid to impress us. From time to time, he would chase the dogs around the house with a stethoscope and pin me down onto the bed to take my blood pressure. He hasn’t yet pin David down for a prostate check so thank goodness for that.
So here’s my question. Was he really enjoying it or was he just trying to keep the peace at home with us?
When he was posted to the Singapore General Hospital (SGH) for his industrial attachment, I swore I never saw anyone as excited about staring down a patient’s bedpan as he was. He was so fired up with excitement that the chatter at home was filled with his passionate accounts about the things he learnt at the hospital, his experience of administering medical care to his patients, the different types of patients he had been talking to, and how happy he was when he saw his patients recover well enough to be discharged.
When he was booked in on a late shift, I often see him coming home exhausted, but still with a smile. He once returned home and told me that his back hurt as he was on his feet all day. As I was administering the plaster to relief his pain, he was recounting excitedly what he did in the hospital and what he had learnt. Surprisingly, he said,” I prefer to be allocated the early morning shift Mum. Although I start my day at an ungodly hour, at least I have so much more to do with the patients.”
Aspirations
A few days ago, while having a casual chat about his work at the hospital, Joel suddenly said, “You know Mum, initially I thought I might just complete this 3-year nursing course, go on to fulfill my national service obligation, then do something else different after national service.” He went on to make a point, “However, after my experience at SGH, I realized I do enjoy nursing. It’s so fulfilling when I know I am doing something great for the patients. I can’t understand it when some people can’t embrace an experience wholeheartedly enough to enjoy it and learn from it. In fact, in future, I hope to be able to establish a private nursing care service. That’s my goal.”
I was taken aback by that mindset change. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised by my son’s maturity. He actually has aspirations! At the age of 19, most people his age would be thinking which club they should be checking out next weekend or which girl they should be making out with the following weekend. Their vision is often short-termed and tinted with self-interest.
It is truly commendable for Joel to go from that unenthusiastic “nay-sayer” at the start of the course to one who has a respectable goal of bringing joy to patients with an aspiration to open a private nursing care facility.
I am so glad that like me, ultimately, Joel trusted the universe to guide him along this journey. I remembered updating my facebook status on my Sun Goddess Tarot facebook page at the beginning of the year “ If your intent is pure, the universe, in its own time and pace, will put the right opportunities before you.”
The universe is indeed placing an abundance of opportunities at Joel's feet.
About The Writer:
The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son. She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".
