Take Control Of How You Respond To Opportunities

This post is long over-due. I spent most of this month managing change at work, holding the hands of colleagues as they managed change at work, and generally, just  being there for what mattered at that moment – my team members.

 

Change Is Difficult

 

Change is always difficult.  I have seen so many changes throughout my career and none have been pleasant. A few of these changes had put undue stress  and anxiety on my family and I, so I could understand the stress and anxiety some of my colleagues had to go through when changes get hurled through the window at them.  

 

 

Be Open

 

However, I also remembered that each of these changes opened the door to new opportunities for me, the minute I could summon the courage to open my heart and mind to closing the door to the past behind me, and embracing new experiences.   When I made the decision to leave a local bank I had worked for many years ago, it was a decision made in an environment of a change of management.  It was not the new boss that had determined my decision to leave.  It was my new boss’ decision to change my role to one that did not offer me the potential for growth and development that did.  So without turning back, that decision, landed me at one of the best companies I had ever worked for, American Express, and my experience there was critical to my growth as a marketing professional in a large corporate MNC.   I had never quite cut my ties off that local bank because  my former boss, Laurel, who had recruited me into her team had become my mentor today and she had even held my hands through every up and down I had faced right through to walking me down the aisle at my second wedding.  Beyond teaching me to be a good brand marketing and communications professional, she was the one responsible for teaching me how to not be a boss, but to be a real manager  and a real leader..  She did not give me the wings to fly.  She showed me that I had the wings to fly.  And I did.  

 

Take Control

 

That was not my only experience of change.  Throughout the rest of my career, even more changes came.  When I joined another local bank, again I was faced with numerous changes that threw my team and I into a murky pool of uncertainties.  I was older and more experienced then, and I was the country marketing head of the bank.  This time, I was adamant that I was not going to leave the bank for a frivolous reason like a difficult boss.  My rationale was that wherever one might work at, there would always be one or two difficult persons one would have to manage.  I had decided then to take control of the situation.  When my boss became unreasonable and made decisions that I felt would negatively impact our brand, I had decided to go to the chairman.  And I was so thankful that I did.  The chairman became my mentor, and he guided me with his axiom, “Our people are the fabric of my bank.  It was built on their blood, sweat and tears.  That is why we must always take care of our own people. The success of my bank depends on them.”  I carried that mantra with me throughout the rest of my career.   My staff are very important to me. Their well-being, their happiness, their growth and their development are all as much my responsibility as they are theirs.  My success today is attributed to a great team who put so much hard work, dedication and thought leadership into everything they did.  

 

Managing Change

 

So that brings me to the changes that I am facing today at work.  These changes were initially uncomfortable for some of my team members as much as they were for me.  However, most importantly,  I had  opened my heart and mind to the potential that these changes could help hone their respective skills and experience.  If these changes could be a positive impact in helping them grow and develop even more, I was all for it and I know that they have built enough strength and resilience enough to manage these changes in the months to come.

 

Courage And Adaptability

 

Today, I evaluated my response to these changes.  I felt very proud of myself for having come a long way in my career enough to be truly opened to changes.  I could point this to age and career experience.  However, the truth is, I became a lot more mindful because I was mentored by the right people.   I can name the few bosses who had been catalysts of change themselves and who had been my mentors and friends when I had the privilege of working for them.  They were Laurel, Chairman Wee, Stuart and Paul.   Each of them were different in their management styles but all of them had a few qualities that  I had learnt from and carried with me throughout my career – strength, courage, response-ability and adaptability.

 

Denis Waitley said, “ There are 2 primary choices  in life: to accept conditions as they exist or accept the responsibility for changing them”.  However, there is a 3^rd choice – You can also choose to accept conditions as they exist, but turn these conditions into an opportunity that can be a positive impact to yourself and others. It does not matter how you carve your opportunities as long as you take control of how you respond to them.  Now, that is true strength, courage, response-ability and adaptability.

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

Living My Dream

I love the month of February.  Even in tropical Singapore, I feel the season of Spring in the air. There seems to be that much more laughter, more family gatherings, and more fun dinners with friends.  In fact, these 3 months from December through to February were months of fabulous revelry.  I celebrated the close of an awesome year in December and the start of an even more awesome year in January with Christmas and New Year celebrations.  The good news is that  the celebrations continue  in February, as we celebrate love, family, and friendships with Valentine’s Day and the Chinese New Year.  People have whirlwind romances at this time, I have a whirlwind calendar of never-ending activities ranging from weddings, meet-up with friends, family parties, workshops that I conducted and then some.

 

However, it was more than just the eating, drinking and general merry-making.  These were the months I celebrated my definition of living the dream as the new year opened. 

Dad, looked much healthier than just a year before when he had suffered a stroke just before Christmas.  He managed to enjoy a glass of wine with me at our family Christmas Eve dinner and was happy to just sit there to take in the cacophony of chatter and laughter amongst our family while my 2 year old nephew attempted to put some christmas cake in his glass of wine.

 

Mum had been suffering from a painful shoulder but when we had it checked, we were assured it was just a strained rotator cuff which was quite a common ailment for people her age.  That was a relief for me.  However it also reminded me about the importance of self-care and the need to listen to my body when all that training at the gym plus the late nights of running my consultancy  after working hours, could get all too much for me.  I was reminded of this yet again, when I got sick with the stomach flu recently for almost a week.  I took to catching up on my sleep over a weekend and did absolutely nothing for 2 days just to give my body some rest.  

 

Joel, who had been a pain in the butt for months when he regressed to a stage of teenage rebelliousness at the age of 21, finally saw the light and learnt the meaning of opened communication, honesty and respect within the family. He grew up overnight and became all of 21 years old again when he reconciled with us through a rather public apology for behaving like an ass. All forgiven. 

 

David got finally inspired by my fitness journey to start taking up boxing lessons in December as well as Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes in February.  That made  training at the gym more fun for the both of us. He has not accidentally sat on anyone's head yet, so all seems good so far.  We not only share our love for the gym, we have been each other’s moral conscience when it comes to choice of food too.  I am looking forward to a  healthier and fitter hubby by the end of this year. 

 

As much joy as these months brought us, we also had our fair share of tears.  Ozzy passed on  a couple of weeks ago and the family was inconsolable.  Ozzy had been David’s favourite fur-friend and a very important member of our family.  Although he was tiny, his loss just left such a huge and irreplaceable void in our hearts.  I believed that the other 2 mutts at home felt the same.  Zak and Bailey looked quite confused for about a week or so.  We are still grieving but we celebrate Ozzy’s life with us, the fun we had together and the unconditional love that he had given us, and with immense gratitude.

 

I think the experiences of these few months can be encapsulated into a single message, urging me to treasure each moment, no matter the circumstance. Living the dream means many things to many people.  To my friends who are professional Mixed Martial Arts fighters, living the dream means the ability to travel the world to fight on a world stage with highly skilled and experienced fighters.  To my friends who are professional Tarot readers, living the dream means quitting their day jobs to focus on a professional career of reading for their clients on a daily basis, teaching the art of Tarot to students, designing and creating their own tarot decks, writing Tarot books and traveling the world to conduct talks and workshops. To a client who was a local head of communications at a big company who got retrenched but was called back by her boss to take on a new role as global head of social media recently, she was living the dream. She packed up her belongings, lock, stock and barrel and made that brave move across the ocean to live in a new country to take up that role.  

 

To me, I am living the dream too and this is how I define mine.  I am finally getting much fitter and healthier through my new found passions of boxing and muay thai.  I am surrounded by an imperfectly perfect family filled with so much love.  I work with a bunch of crazy but fun girls who have been bringing sunshine into the office everyday no matter how difficult our days may be.  I am able to effectively run an intuitive consultancy after my work hours and continue to help numerous clients with my Tarot and Numerology skills. I am still writing and contributing articles whenever I have spare time, not out of the pressure of deadlines but out of my love for sports and MMA. I finally found my balance in life that many of my peers are still searching for.  Am I living the dream or what?

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

 

Follow Through

My Uncool Experience With The Press

2 weeks ago, an embarrassing situation happened to me. I agreed to an interview with a journalist for a national newspaper on a topic close to my heart, health and wellness.  When the story was published, I was so embarrassed with the photograph they had published which depicted me in a Surya Namaskar position.  However, I did not look like a composed yoga practitioner in that photo, but more like a walrus waiting to be fed. What was worse was that the journalist was not on message and left out 99% of the content of my story to focus on my age, weight and weightloss goals.   I should have known better as a PR professional not to trust that the coverage would be aligned to my intent.  I should have followed through with questions to the journalist to ensure he understood the key messages I had expressed earlier to him.  So I blamed myself for how that story turned out. I should have followed through.

My “Un-Awesome” Experience At My Awesome Cafe

For a week now,  I had heard my team at work grumbling about one of Singapore’s hottest new cafes called My Awesome Café, that clearly did not deliver up to their promise of being awesome.   My first visit there a few weeks ago left me with a less than favorable impression of their service but an awesome impression of their desserts that came with awesome names like the rather orgasmic “Orgasm In A Cup”.  “Orgasm In A Cup” which was actually a rich chocolate pudding, could not possibly get past foreplay as it was a tiny timble-sized serving.  However, it tasted awesome.  In fact, it tasted more than awesome.   I enjoyed it so much that I went on to try the other desserts like the pineapple upside down cake.  Now, if that chocolate pudding was “Orgasm In A Cup”, the pineapple upside down cake was “Sex On A Plate”.  While I enjoyed the desserts, my “coitus interruptus” came in the form of their service.  It was painfully slow and peppered with orders that were mixed up to the chagrin of other customers that had been waiting for the last hour and a half.

Today, the team had decided to give My Awesome Café another chance and went there for lunch.  I was unfortunately bound to the stupid stationary bike at the gym, while my personal trainer brandished his whip.  I could not leave for my dose of orgasmic desserts at My Awesome Café.  So, the girls brought back a take-away box of the café’s signature Awesome salad which was supposed to come with roast chicken, duck rillette and smoked salmon on a bed of fresh greens.  I searched over and under the greens but no duck rillette could be found.  The guys at My Awesome Café must have forgotten the duck rillette and charged me the full price of $18 for that salad that was just slightly bigger than the size of a timble.  The girls also complained incessantly about the slow service and they swore never to visit the café again.

So what went wrong?

I blamed it on the lack of follow through.  The team at My Awesome Café had a great concept.  Fabulous food, gleaming smiles on the faces of the waiting staff, and a cosy rustic décor which could have been mistaken for my grandmother’s kitchen. I loved it.  However without following through on a great concept with the right number of waiting or kitchen staff that could cater to the busy lunchtime crowd in the heart of the Central Business District, I was not sure how long My Awesome Café can stay awesome.

Follow Through

The basic foundation of delivering to expectations was  really having the vision and drive to follow through.

I had a golf instructor some years back who often barked at me at the 15^thhole of the golf course when I was exhausted, hot and bothered, “Follow through on your swing, Jo.  That was a lazy swing.”  I used to think that he was just annoying and gagging to get to the beers at the clubhouse but I understood  later that that was critical to my game.

My rugby coach used to holler from the sidelines, “Follow through with the ball! Use it or lose it!”  He became my husband years later and that allowed me to use the phrase back at him when he put his dirty clothes around the laundry basket instead of putting them in the laundry basket.  I would scream at him to follow through on his promise to keep the home tidy.  So I had grown to be quite fond of the phrase.

These days, I had been using the phrase quite a lot at work too. I used it when some brilliant idiot had thought of a supposedly creative idea but left it hanging in mid-air whilst expecting a fellow  colleague to telepathically pick up on his expectations to implement  his or her supposedly creative idea without a plan, resource or budget.  Needless to say, the idea was of course implemented with the fanfare of an egg and spoon race at a kindergarten.  That was when I would bark at my loudest, “Can someone with an IQ above 7 please follow through with this idea and turn it into a viable action plan in future?”

When I mentored my students at Tarot and Numerology, we often discussed case studies on the readings they had been doing.  When I noticed that one or two of the students had provided nothing else more than a very detailed and accurate interpretations of each Tarot card that had been picked for a spread, I would encourage them to follow through with the consultation by interpreting the cards to the clients’ situations and provide clear advice and options instead so that the clients could make informed decisions on how they should be managing their respective situations.  It was very important for me that my students learnt to follow through with the intent of turning a reading into an advice-centric consultation.

I found that in spite of all the fabulous ideas and vision that many people had when they started a business, many failed miserably when it came to the “follow through”.  I have had friends who started their businesses with beautifully designed business-cards, shiny offices that were renovated by award-winning interior designers, and well-developed websites that were search-optimized and came complete with CRM capabilities.  However, they ended up spending the next year wondering why their businesses stayed stagnant.  It was so telling that they had not followed through from their initial vision to create a practical business plan that was pegged against measurable KPIs.

Take Ownership

Instead of putting the blame on others or on the lack of help, support and resource for anything that did not go as planned, I would suggest that you take ownership for your own plans, ideas and vision by ensuring that you follow through at every stage to manage your own expectations for what a successful outcome may look like to you.

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketing professional at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son and 3 dogs with personality disorders.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".   Together, we create a home made up with more nuts than a fruitcake but filled with plenty of love.  Her other blog can be found at http://sungoddesstarot.blogspot.com

So embarrassing.  I looked like a walrus waiting to be fed some fish....sighhh

Orgasmic food at My Awesome Cafe Singapore.  I hope they better their service soon or else I will have to look for my orgasm from alternative sources.  Photo credit: Chia Seow Wee

Whatever

Whatever

 I used this term often and it had become the “salve” that helped my team at work move on to focus on more important issues when they faced obstacles or came in contact with colleagues that were not willing to play within the  established rules of engagement.

At home, I used it when David and I had differing opinions about certain decisions, or when Joel turned into an  angsty monosyllabic creature after a tiff with his girlfriend.  I used it when the dogs had decided that together, there was a greater chance of opening a packet of crisps that fell off the dining table, when one held on to the edge of the packet and the other tore at it with his teeth.

 This term was not a reflection of an apathetic attitude nor was it a reflection of a lack of passion.  Rather, it was a reflection of knowing which battles were worth fighting for, and an acknowledgement that challenges will exist no matter how prepared we were.  So why not turn them into opportunities?   It was also a reflection of our appreciation for the differences in our highly interesting world filled with quirky people and bumpy roads.  Life would have been mundanely monochromatic without them.

Appreciating The Differences

David’s approach to the Chinese New Year celebrations underscored my point about appreciating the differences around him.  He was not new to the Chinese culture having spent half his life in this part of the world from Hong Kong to Singapore.  However, what I thought most remarkable was his appreciation of what was beyond the cultural celebrations but also the cultural expectations of his role as the son-in-law of the eldest child of the Ong family.  He took that role seriously, even when it meant ferrying my parents around when they needed his “ferrying service”, visiting my parents weekly, paying respect to my Granny and my parents on the first day of Chinese New Year, and eating whatever my Mum served at the table even when it looked like it was still moving.  David just went with the flow, embraced the whole family traditions and accepted the family quirks with this attitude – Whatever.

When we attended mass every Sunday as a family,  he went with the flow of the service and stood when he was required to, sat when he was required to and sang the hymns when he was required to, in between laughing at the old lady sitting next to him, who went off key.  When he was required to “offer a sign of peace”, he even politely bowed to that same old lady next to him, bowed to the other church-goers who sat  behind us, and gave me a kiss on my forehead.  For an atheist who had no concept of a divine being unless he could whip up an exquisite Banoffi pie, I truly appreciated the way he tagged along and just went with the flow of the service with the same attitude – Whatever.

Acknowledging That Challenges Exists No Matter What

At work, the same attitude - Whatever - governed the way we managed issues.  When big projects got unceremoniously dropped on our laps, we just took control and did what we could to launch them successfully.  These provided me with the opportunity to showcase the team’s strengths and highlighted their respective talents.  When the going got tough, the tough just kept going at it.  And the trick was to stay focused on the deliverables.  When obstacles got in the way, we would mutter “Whatever” under our breath and just got on with it.  We knew where best to invest our time and energy – on the projects – instead of mulling over obstacles, grieving over nay-sayers and nitpicking over the nitwitted ideas of marketers-want-to-be.

This morning, we encountered a colleague who snapped at us because she thought she was the only  one who had to deal with issues on a daily basis.   Funnily, my entire team has never snapped under pressure.  They were always composed, calmed and assured of their skills enough to get on with it.  To that colleague, we said, “Whatever.”  The opportunity presented itself for the rest of the company to see what a complete idiot she had made herself to be.

Picking The Right Battles

 Whenever my day did not turn out the way it should, I would just throw my hands up in the air and say, “Whatever,“  before taking a walk for a wee while.  Those precious few minutes should not be underrated because they gave me time to think about which battles were worth fighting for. 

 Lately, Joel had not been joining David and I, when we went out for dinner or a movie.  For one, he would do anything possible not to be seen with us two old fogies.  It was just “not cool”.  Secondly, he had his social life down to pat, what with a girlfriend and a busy schedule with his industrial attachment at the hospital.  I missed him tremendously but…oh well, whatever…If he needed me, he would know where to find me.
  
Whatever – The Magic Word

Whatever had become a magical word that swept the frustrations, grief, anxieties and anger away.  It kept us more focused, hence more productive.  It made life much easier because with that word, we all learnt to just get along with each other, even when we had differences of opinions.   We learnt to accept each others’ quirks and dismissed them as “WHATEVER”.  We opened our hearts and minds to new experiences, because we approached every challenge along the way with this attitude -  “WHATEVER”.  It turned differences in opinions into friendly banter when "WHATEVER" was used as a response to skeptics who thought my gifts as a Tarot reader and Numerologist was "wanky". 

When I posted the word "WHATEVER" as my Facebook status update, a friend asked, "Really, Jo? Whatever? Not like you at all."  I answered, "Yeah. Whatever. This is the year that I shall not sweat the small stuff, shall not bother with small-minded people, and shall not bear  grudges within me.  Whatever."

Try it from time to time.  It might save you from bursting a blood vessel just because some things did not go your way.   


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketing professional at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son and 3 dogs with personality disorders.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".   Together, we create a home made up with more nuts than a fruitcake but filled with plenty of love.

Photo credit: David Ash, www.singaporemaven.com

Genuine Pride In Our Work

Putting The Team Through The Test

This afternoon, while having lunch with some business partners at DOMVS restaurant at the Sheraton Towers, I came across an interesting statement printed at the bottom of the menu which said, “Women Only Wednesdays” – Women diners get free dessert for every set meal ordered.  I thought, “WOW! That was a creative way to honor us, women.”  There was definitely a big reason to celebrate and I wrote this blog post to celebrate a wonderful team of women whom I am fortunate to work with.  I call them the A-Team.

In the last couple of months, the team was put to the test when we were suddenly asked to support a mega project at work.  We were not strangers to mega projects, but this one came falling on our laps at just a couple of months before launch as the list of action items on that project plan seemed to get bigger on a daily basis.

Last week, after many sleepless nights, stressful deadlines and almost seemingly insurmountable hurdles, we finally completed the project and launched the program to plenty of accolades. 

One of the bosses patted me on the back praising me for the leadership rendered to the project.  Frankly, I disagreed.  It had nothing to do with my leadership, and everything to do with these women who had built a sisterhood of authenticity.

Authenticity

What did I mean by authenticity?

That was the key driver to the success of this team.  However big or small the projects were, these women were authentic about everything they did.  And here are the reasons why this is so:

Genuinely Cared About The Business

These women genuinely cared about the company and the value they brought to the business.  This meant that when it was necessary to voice their concern on decisions that were not right, or when they felt that an idea could be better improved, they were the first to speak up in front of senior management in a bid to do the right thing.  It was this spirit of authenticity that allowed the team of non-actuary trained “fluffy” marketing professionals to influence the creation of a product that was launched as a first-in-market insurance product that provided coverage for pregnancies from conception through IVF.

I asked this team of women what drove them each day to want to come to work in the morning, and to leave the office happy in the evening.  They said, “Pride In The Work.”  That said it all.

This was a team of very bold women who approached their jobs with the sole purpose of doing the right thing.

Genuinely Cared About Each Other

These women genuinely cared about each other. They formed a sisterhood bound by an unbreakable bond of trust, honesty and open communication.  When that mega project unceremoniously dropped on our laps, they banded together to work as a team.  I saw resilience, “response-ability” and proactive efforts to step up to the plate when one of us dropped the ball for some reason or other.  

During the planning stages for the launch event, two of my team members were hit with family emergencies, so the rest of us banded together to divide and conquer, and filled in the gap where there was one.  I saw a team member stepped up to the leadership role of managing all the “business-as-usual” product marketing work when the rest of the team was thrown into delivering on the last minute details of the creative work or launch  plans for this mega project.  I saw another team member who was hired to do something completely different earlier in the year, only to have her scope changed midway to deliver on this mega project.  I saw yet another team member who was never part of the project team initially, who had decided on her own accord to step in at eleventh hour to manage the execution of all the creative materials when she saw the team struggling with the workload.

I asked them what drove them to support each other with so much enthusiasm every day, even when sometimes; the work goes beyond their respective agreed scope.  They said, “Pride In The Work.”  Again, that said it all.

This was a team of visionary women who had a generous spirit that allowed them to work with each other, with a lot of selflessness and mutual understanding.

Pride In The Work


So for anyone who asked how I managed to build an exceptionally strong team of co-workers who managed their roles with depth of authenticity and almost always exceeded expectations in the delivery of their work, the secret is not my leadership, but the genuine pride in our work within the team.

I am very grateful to this team of women who have done so much to create value in everything they did for the company, the generous sharing of the tears and laughter within the team, and the gift of authenticity they brought to the table.  I am so proud to be the manager of this team of wonderful women.


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".