Standing By That Harder Truth

A Raging Debate

Pockets of discussion  across  social media ensued after I had posted my last blog post, The Harder Truth.  Frankly,  I did not expect it to go viral the way it did. Friends and family contacted me as they were worried about the impact that some adverse comments might have had on Mom and I.  I was not worried.  To be honest, my key target audience was those in my sons' or even my brother's generation who had never grown up during that very difficult period. I wanted to share my story with them so that they understood how different the Singapore then was and what it took to create a Singapore they are living in today.  

Obviously, the audience that was most impacted by my post,  was those who had lived in that era and understood the difficulties Mom and I went through. They were the same group of people, like myself, who had seen Singapore evolve from an environment of political and social-economical instability to a peaceful nation filled with so much opportunities. 

Hurtful Comments

When the blogpost went viral, there were debates across social media about whether my Dad was indeed a Communist and was hence a danger to society. There were debates about whether or not I should have posted a topic as volatile as this because it dug up a difficult and unpleasant period in the past, particularly when the nation was still mourning the demise of its founding Prime Minister, Mr Lee Kuan Yew. There were debates about whether I had betrayed my Dad and I was labelled a "disgrace to my father". 

Mom got increasingly distressed because of the hurtful comments but I was not hurt nor was I angry.  You see, it was a story that had to be told. It was timely for me to write that post as a means to close a chapter in our lives, heal and move on.  I grew up with that experience enough to provide a balanced perspective and I certainly would not apologize for taking that stance.

However, what I wanted to address here was the issue of HATE.  

Confronting Hate

When my Dad was  detained under the Internal Security Act for adhering to his pro-Communist views, I grew up hating the establishment for the suffering we went through as a family. I despised the way they curbed freedom of thought and I likened the authorities to "thugs" for storming into my home with an obviously distressed-looking man in handcuffs, whom my Mom had described as "An educated man who did not commit a crime."  

I grew up with this hate that had been responsible for building a hard shell around myself. I was always tough and distrustful of people, and I had such a negative view of the world at a very young age.  However, Dad would never make a stand without careful study, research and reading.  He was an erudite man that way, and would form an opinion from the knowledge and information he had accumulated over the years.

So, like Dad, I am glad that over the years, through  the information and knowledge I had gained through a great education system here in Singapore and my experiences through to my adulthood, I was able to form a balanced view of that episode in the past enough to write that last blog post. I wrote the post with ZERO HATE in my heart and only with the authentic intent to finally close that chapter behind us.

I hated the media then for their pro-government views and for orchestrating things that Dad, Mom and I had to say so that they could get the right angle with that story they wrote.  As a PR and Marketing Communications professional, I was trained to think that I had a responsibility to educate and provide information in the most responsible way that supported my community. So I understood what the reporter then had to do, and why.  Mom and I dug out the old news-clippings and handed it over to a journalist today, who wanted to do a follow-up story. We did this with ZERO HATE in our hearts, simply because that story just had to be told to educate and inform those who had never lived in that period.  Who was best to tell it, but those who were part of that legacy and had a balanced view enough to tell it.

I read every comment across every social media platform that my post was reproduced at, and I found many comments riddled with venomous hate, at what, I was not sure, because some of them who had ranted at my post,  had never lived through that time in point, and most did not know me from Adam.   One reader commented, "There was nothing to forgive, They were in the wrong.  It's people like her father who would have derailed the progress of the nation."  Another said, "Sounds like she's just drinking the Koolaid to me.  Doesn't make sense unless she's a doormat."  Yet another labelled me a "disgrace to her father".  I thought hard about these comments as I saw a dirth of fellow netizens jumping in with even more comments, this time, in defense of my stand. I was very grateful and realized that was how social media regulated itself with many having the sense to correct the erroneous views of others quite openly. I believed that only an educated Singapore, could give birth to a society of brave and intelligent people with views unbiased enough to do just that.

Most importantly, I was raised in a family where having differing views was okay, but it needed intelligent substantiation.  I was allowed to discuss politics over a dinner table, even at a very young age, since I was old enough to sit at the table, and I was encouraged to ask many questions.  My parents loved me enough to respect my views even when I was very young. I was raised in a family full of love, acceptance and understanding, and that is why I had the maturity enough to form my own non-judgemental view of life as I grew up and that enabled me to write that last blog post.  When I read the comments about my blog post that were tainted with hate, I approached these comments  and these netizens with ZERO HATE simply because I thought they might not be like me, perhaps they were not raised in a home full of love.  They did not understand me, they did not know me, and they could never be me.  And why should they be? What right have I got to expect that? 

They chose to hate and hurt, I chose to let it go. They chose to perpetuate negativity  across social media by ranting,  I chose to put a positive spin to my story instead.   If I had chosen to hate because of what had happened to us in the past, I would be a very different person today.

So I stand by the harder truth, that no matter how unbiased my views may be and no matter how authentic my intentions are, there will always be detractors out there determined to perpetuate hate.  I am not able to change their perspectives, but here is what people like Dad, Mr Lee Kuan Yew and the other netizens who had jumped in to defend me with their comments had taught me - we earn our credibility and respect only because we have the courage and the self assurance enough to confront hate.

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About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

  

The Harder Truth

The Quiet Aftermath

 

This morning, as I made my way to work,  there was an air of stillness about me.  Everyone I met, at the bus-stop, in the bus, along the streets were quite quiet and simply trying to go about their usual day, but without uttering a word.  A nation grieved yesterday at the final farewell of its founding Prime Minister Mr Lee Kuan Yew.  So much tears were shed as the cortege journeyed through the streets of Singapore, lined with thousands of people.  Today, I feel an air of emptimess and lingering sadness.  The nation moves on, never forgetting a legacy left behind by an extraordinary leader.

 

Everyone had been discussing his passing throughout the week of national mourning.  I have got friends and colleagues who queued for hours in the sun, just to bid their final farewell in person where the body was lying in state at the Parliament house. My entire Facebook timeline was plastered with newsfeeds about the man and the legacy he had  left behind.  However, all this while, I kept quite silent because I approached the entire issue with ambivalence.  I needed time to step back and recalibrate my thoughts about the man, having lived through an era when my own family was impacted by  some of his more autocratic policies. 

 

My Father’s Past

 

I thought it was time to come clean and write this blog post about how I truly felt, without disrespect to my own father.

 

In 1978, I saw Dad handcuffed and led into our home by a team of officers from the Internal Security Department.  I was 8 years old.  And the entire episode unfolded before me like an extremely bad B-grade movie that did not seem to have a proper beginning or an ending.  The sketchy storyline went like this for an 8 year old.  Dad was involved in “political discussions” with a group of lawyers who took a pro-Communist stand.  He had to be punished for having an opinion that was not aligned to our government’s stand.  He then spent months incarcerated behind that famous big blue gate at Thomson road which was where my Dad and his bunch of friends were detained under the Internal Security Act.

 

I remembered the months that ensued were a flurry of activities, where my Mum was trying to hysterically make sense of what had happened.  I was the fire-cracker in the family and I went through a phase of childhood rebellion attempting to re-enact Guy Fawke’s Day with my marbles at any government officials that I had come across during those months.  I was trying to “protect” Mom.   I remembered Mom attempting to keep the family together, so she marched up to Dad’s boss at that time, the late Mr Khoo Teck Puat and said, “Bock Chuan had worked for you with such selfless commitment and treated you like his other father.  The most compassionate thing you can do as his boss, is to keep that job for him, and wait for his release from political detention.  Meanwhile, please continue to transfer his salary into his bank account so that his family can get by.”  Mr Khoo did just that, and I would be eternally grateful to him for that.

 

Meanwhile, Mom and I struggled by without Dad.  Mom suffered from hallucinations and I was subjected to the cruel talk amongst schoolmates who pointed their fingers at me while whispering, “Her father is in jail you know? So terrible.”  The cruelest thing that had happened for me then was having thoughtless journalists camp out at our gates to take statements from Mum and I.  

 

One day, there was a live telecast of Mr Lee Kuan Yew on TV getting a public confession from the political detainees including Dad. A journalist visited Mum and I and made us sit next to the TV.  I could not remember much of that apart from waking up the next day with a picture of myself in my pyjamas, and a quote from an 8 year old me saying, “Daddy was very naughty.”  Looking back, that was probably the beginning of my training as a Communications and PR professional.  I never trusted the media ever since, and I hated the establishment even more for turning my family’s life into a circus.  I grew up bearing that anger in my heart.

 

Growing Up

 

However, living through the last 4 decades where I saw how Singapore had evolved to what it has become today, where there are roofs over our heads, we feel safe when we walk the streets and  our children have a  good head-start in life with sound education, and the medical bills of our ageing population is heavily subsidized,  I realized that Mr Lee had to do what he had to do at that time for the good of our nation.  Sure, some of his policies were unpopular and my family was a victim of it, but as a child of Singapore having lived through the economic growth  and political stability of the 70s through to today when I see my parents enjoying the benefits of the Pioneer Generation package, I cannot help but have to admit that the man had truly done a great job.  

 

 

Doing What He Had To Do

 

Even he admitted, “I stand by my record. I did some sharp things to get things right – too harsh – but a lot was at stake. But at the end of the day, what have I got? Just a successful Singapore.”  For a nation that went from survival instincts to protecting its economic and political security, this man would do anything for it.  As he had declared, ‘Because my posture, my response has been such that nobody doubts that if you take me on, I will put on knuckle-dusters and catch you in a cul de sac...Anybody who decides to take me on needs to put on knuckle dusters. If you think you can hurt me more than I can hurt you, try.”   Sure,  some of his decisions were tough, but my Dad would have made the same decisions if he was in the shoes of Mr Lee.  Ultimately, when he gave his entire life for nation building, he was in it for the nation and its people, not himself.  He said, “"I have never been over-concerned or obsessed with opinion polls or popularity polls. I think a leader who is, is a weak leader. If you are concerned with whether your rating will go up or down, then you are not a leader. You are just catching the wind ... you will go where the wind is blowing. And that's not what I am in this for."

 

All Forgiven

 

I asked Mom if Dad had tuned to the TV channels to watch the crowd lining up to pay their last respects as the body was lying in state at Parliament House. To my surprise, she answered, “ Yes he did, and he even cried. I think after all these years, all is forgiven and forgotten and Dad has seen the good that the man had done for Singapore.”

 

That was all I needed to hear, so that it gave me that go-ahead to write this blogpost.  

 

When I saw Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong giving his eulogy to the “Papa” that he loved so dearly, I was reminded that our late founding Prime Minister, was someone else’s father too. So yes, I spent much of my younger years hating the man, but as I grew up, my emotions grew up with me.  I am still my father's daughter and I love and respect him for having boldly taken a stand no matter the risks involved, standing by what he had believed in then.  However, I am also my nation's daughter and I respect Mr Lee for also having boldly taken a stand, no matter how many had felt about him then. He too, stood by what he had believed in.

 

Without any disrespect to my father, and with every respect to the late Mr Lee Kuan Yew,  I am eternally grateful for his efforts in turning this country into a safe haven for my family and I.

 

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

 

Take Control Of How You Respond To Opportunities

This post is long over-due. I spent most of this month managing change at work, holding the hands of colleagues as they managed change at work, and generally, just  being there for what mattered at that moment – my team members.

 

Change Is Difficult

 

Change is always difficult.  I have seen so many changes throughout my career and none have been pleasant. A few of these changes had put undue stress  and anxiety on my family and I, so I could understand the stress and anxiety some of my colleagues had to go through when changes get hurled through the window at them.  

 

 

Be Open

 

However, I also remembered that each of these changes opened the door to new opportunities for me, the minute I could summon the courage to open my heart and mind to closing the door to the past behind me, and embracing new experiences.   When I made the decision to leave a local bank I had worked for many years ago, it was a decision made in an environment of a change of management.  It was not the new boss that had determined my decision to leave.  It was my new boss’ decision to change my role to one that did not offer me the potential for growth and development that did.  So without turning back, that decision, landed me at one of the best companies I had ever worked for, American Express, and my experience there was critical to my growth as a marketing professional in a large corporate MNC.   I had never quite cut my ties off that local bank because  my former boss, Laurel, who had recruited me into her team had become my mentor today and she had even held my hands through every up and down I had faced right through to walking me down the aisle at my second wedding.  Beyond teaching me to be a good brand marketing and communications professional, she was the one responsible for teaching me how to not be a boss, but to be a real manager  and a real leader..  She did not give me the wings to fly.  She showed me that I had the wings to fly.  And I did.  

 

Take Control

 

That was not my only experience of change.  Throughout the rest of my career, even more changes came.  When I joined another local bank, again I was faced with numerous changes that threw my team and I into a murky pool of uncertainties.  I was older and more experienced then, and I was the country marketing head of the bank.  This time, I was adamant that I was not going to leave the bank for a frivolous reason like a difficult boss.  My rationale was that wherever one might work at, there would always be one or two difficult persons one would have to manage.  I had decided then to take control of the situation.  When my boss became unreasonable and made decisions that I felt would negatively impact our brand, I had decided to go to the chairman.  And I was so thankful that I did.  The chairman became my mentor, and he guided me with his axiom, “Our people are the fabric of my bank.  It was built on their blood, sweat and tears.  That is why we must always take care of our own people. The success of my bank depends on them.”  I carried that mantra with me throughout the rest of my career.   My staff are very important to me. Their well-being, their happiness, their growth and their development are all as much my responsibility as they are theirs.  My success today is attributed to a great team who put so much hard work, dedication and thought leadership into everything they did.  

 

Managing Change

 

So that brings me to the changes that I am facing today at work.  These changes were initially uncomfortable for some of my team members as much as they were for me.  However, most importantly,  I had  opened my heart and mind to the potential that these changes could help hone their respective skills and experience.  If these changes could be a positive impact in helping them grow and develop even more, I was all for it and I know that they have built enough strength and resilience enough to manage these changes in the months to come.

 

Courage And Adaptability

 

Today, I evaluated my response to these changes.  I felt very proud of myself for having come a long way in my career enough to be truly opened to changes.  I could point this to age and career experience.  However, the truth is, I became a lot more mindful because I was mentored by the right people.   I can name the few bosses who had been catalysts of change themselves and who had been my mentors and friends when I had the privilege of working for them.  They were Laurel, Chairman Wee, Stuart and Paul.   Each of them were different in their management styles but all of them had a few qualities that  I had learnt from and carried with me throughout my career – strength, courage, response-ability and adaptability.

 

Denis Waitley said, “ There are 2 primary choices  in life: to accept conditions as they exist or accept the responsibility for changing them”.  However, there is a 3^rd choice – You can also choose to accept conditions as they exist, but turn these conditions into an opportunity that can be a positive impact to yourself and others. It does not matter how you carve your opportunities as long as you take control of how you respond to them.  Now, that is true strength, courage, response-ability and adaptability.

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

Living My Dream

I love the month of February.  Even in tropical Singapore, I feel the season of Spring in the air. There seems to be that much more laughter, more family gatherings, and more fun dinners with friends.  In fact, these 3 months from December through to February were months of fabulous revelry.  I celebrated the close of an awesome year in December and the start of an even more awesome year in January with Christmas and New Year celebrations.  The good news is that  the celebrations continue  in February, as we celebrate love, family, and friendships with Valentine’s Day and the Chinese New Year.  People have whirlwind romances at this time, I have a whirlwind calendar of never-ending activities ranging from weddings, meet-up with friends, family parties, workshops that I conducted and then some.

 

However, it was more than just the eating, drinking and general merry-making.  These were the months I celebrated my definition of living the dream as the new year opened. 

Dad, looked much healthier than just a year before when he had suffered a stroke just before Christmas.  He managed to enjoy a glass of wine with me at our family Christmas Eve dinner and was happy to just sit there to take in the cacophony of chatter and laughter amongst our family while my 2 year old nephew attempted to put some christmas cake in his glass of wine.

 

Mum had been suffering from a painful shoulder but when we had it checked, we were assured it was just a strained rotator cuff which was quite a common ailment for people her age.  That was a relief for me.  However it also reminded me about the importance of self-care and the need to listen to my body when all that training at the gym plus the late nights of running my consultancy  after working hours, could get all too much for me.  I was reminded of this yet again, when I got sick with the stomach flu recently for almost a week.  I took to catching up on my sleep over a weekend and did absolutely nothing for 2 days just to give my body some rest.  

 

Joel, who had been a pain in the butt for months when he regressed to a stage of teenage rebelliousness at the age of 21, finally saw the light and learnt the meaning of opened communication, honesty and respect within the family. He grew up overnight and became all of 21 years old again when he reconciled with us through a rather public apology for behaving like an ass. All forgiven. 

 

David got finally inspired by my fitness journey to start taking up boxing lessons in December as well as Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes in February.  That made  training at the gym more fun for the both of us. He has not accidentally sat on anyone's head yet, so all seems good so far.  We not only share our love for the gym, we have been each other’s moral conscience when it comes to choice of food too.  I am looking forward to a  healthier and fitter hubby by the end of this year. 

 

As much joy as these months brought us, we also had our fair share of tears.  Ozzy passed on  a couple of weeks ago and the family was inconsolable.  Ozzy had been David’s favourite fur-friend and a very important member of our family.  Although he was tiny, his loss just left such a huge and irreplaceable void in our hearts.  I believed that the other 2 mutts at home felt the same.  Zak and Bailey looked quite confused for about a week or so.  We are still grieving but we celebrate Ozzy’s life with us, the fun we had together and the unconditional love that he had given us, and with immense gratitude.

 

I think the experiences of these few months can be encapsulated into a single message, urging me to treasure each moment, no matter the circumstance. Living the dream means many things to many people.  To my friends who are professional Mixed Martial Arts fighters, living the dream means the ability to travel the world to fight on a world stage with highly skilled and experienced fighters.  To my friends who are professional Tarot readers, living the dream means quitting their day jobs to focus on a professional career of reading for their clients on a daily basis, teaching the art of Tarot to students, designing and creating their own tarot decks, writing Tarot books and traveling the world to conduct talks and workshops. To a client who was a local head of communications at a big company who got retrenched but was called back by her boss to take on a new role as global head of social media recently, she was living the dream. She packed up her belongings, lock, stock and barrel and made that brave move across the ocean to live in a new country to take up that role.  

 

To me, I am living the dream too and this is how I define mine.  I am finally getting much fitter and healthier through my new found passions of boxing and muay thai.  I am surrounded by an imperfectly perfect family filled with so much love.  I work with a bunch of crazy but fun girls who have been bringing sunshine into the office everyday no matter how difficult our days may be.  I am able to effectively run an intuitive consultancy after my work hours and continue to help numerous clients with my Tarot and Numerology skills. I am still writing and contributing articles whenever I have spare time, not out of the pressure of deadlines but out of my love for sports and MMA. I finally found my balance in life that many of my peers are still searching for.  Am I living the dream or what?

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

 

I Gave Myself Permission To Have A Break

My Month Of Rest

This was supposed to be my month of rest.  Apart from experiencing a meltdown moment over a Christmas tree last week, practicing a few elbow moves while doing Christmas shopping at the mall, and annoying my creative agency by playing creative director again over a very small project,  I actually had a wee bit of rest.

I gave myself a break from writing MMA-related or Tarot related articles.  When I felt compelled to write, I chose to write softer articles that could inspire my readers to make the right health and fitness choices.    

I was also selective about accepting Tarot reading engagements at corporate events. Last year, I was inundated with so many events and teaching workshops  in December that I hardly spent time with the family on weekends.  This year,  I took on less events and was thankful I did, especially when we had a couple of weddings in the family, my granny’s birthday, and a number of Christmas party invitations.  I would not have had the ability to juggle too many commitments.  Even when it came to my boxing training at the gym, I was thankful for a wee bit of rest when my boxing coach spent a couple of weeks traveling and was called up for reservist training.  I had not stop going to the gym, and instead, focused on strength and conditioning which I badly needed.

Bracing For A Busy 2015 

I believed that this period of rest was needed to get me ready for an extremely busy first quarter of 2015.  Apart from all the projects that I had to focus on at work early next year,  we also had several writing and photography assignments lined up which will see us traveling to Bangkok and Jakarta, and I have got plans for doing a week of intensive Muay Thai training in Phuket thereafter.  Moreover, I am planning some exciting lineup of Numerology workshops in partnership with a few creative souls and am quite excited about it.  Just the thought of meandering through these projects coming up in the first quarter of 2015, was enough to overwhelm me but I will cross the bridge when I come to it.

So what did I do during my break?

Focusing On The Family And Me

• I took Mom shopping.  We indulged in a spot of Christmas shopping and an extravagant lunch.  It gave us the opportunity to have a mother-daughter chat about everything under the sun, we took countless nauseating selfies and had a bit of a laugh about everything.   I wanted to be able to spend an entire day with Mom without burying my face in my blackberry to respond to the never-ending flood of emails.

• I participated at a festive pop-up market, the Goddess Marketplace, where I spent the day doing Tarot and Numerology readings for the New Year.  The readings were a hit and  my greatest gratification was the fact that I made new friends in the process.  I wanted to do readings in an environment of like-minded, creative and talented souls who were there to make new friends too, as they created awareness for their craft, and not be pressured by the constraints of time which was often a limitation for me as I rushed from back to back private client readings in person to  skype readings at home on a nightly basis.

• I had not stop writing. Instead, I wrote only what I wanted to write.  I worked on articles that I felt would inspire and add value to others.  So I wrote articles that focused on the fitness and nutritional regimen of people who were professional athletes as well as recreational fitness enthusiasts.  I wanted to write in a way where I would not be pressured by demands and deadlines of  events and egos of people I had to interview for content.

• I went out with a few of my colleagues for a nice afternoon away from the office, just enjoying a cup of tea and a girlie conversation.  Instead of arguing with or moaning to these colleagues about the obstacles we were facing in some of our projects, we decided to just enjoy the moment, take it slow, and make our time with each other count towards building a better collegiate environment when we got back to the office after.

• I attended my cousins’ weddings.  Two of my cousins had decided to get married a few weeks apart from each other.  It gave the family a reason to come together to celebrate these nuptials.  We spent so little time throughout the year catching up with each other because of our busy schedules, yet within a few weeks, we seemed to be seeing more of each other and enjoying conversations with each other as if we had not been apart at all throughout the year.  In fact, we will be seeing each other again soon as Mum will be hosting her pre-Christmas family lunch this Sunday, and I will be hosting the ubiquitous Ash Family Christmas Eve dinner.  

• I focused on myself for once.  Instead of attending every event that I was invited to, or participating in every activity that I was previously lined up for, I picked and chose the ones I wanted to be at.  Some of my Saturday afternoons were spent  just enjoying a long nap.  I guess it was a way my body and mind was hollering for me to give it a rest.  So I did.

I Gave Myself Permission To Have A Break 

I woke up to something during this break.  Often, my friends and family would ask how I could juggle my time between a full time career as a marketing and PR professional, my intuitive consultancy business, my freelance writing assignments, my travels and my kickboxing training. 

Honestly, how busy I wanted to be is all within my control.  I could choose to slow down on my activities if I wanted to.  If I chose to be extremely  busy multi-tasking on so  many projects, that would be because I enjoyed them tremendously.  And at times like these, I would listen to my mind and body to step back and give myself permission to have a break.

I am enjoying my break till the year end, and I am enjoying it tremendously because I do deserve it.

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

Clowning about with the hubby at my cousin's wedding

Clowning about with Mum while out doing Christmas shopping

Clowning about with granny on her birthday

Clowning about with Team Ash at yet another cousin's wedding

Er....Just Clowns....

Fighting Fit - My Personal Fitness Journey

This blog post is a reproduction of an article I had written jointly with Aaron  Rolley from IFC | PT and published in Asia Sports Network.  The reason I am reproducing this article here is that many have asked how I reconcile my life as a corporate careerist whilst involved in a sport that seemed "violent".  Firstly, I need to  debunk the misconception that boxing as a sport is violent.  There are rules involved and thankfully, a referee that enforces these rules in the ring.  Moreover, a good coach coupled with dedicated training ensures that we perform in a ring within accepted rules of engagement and in the spirit of sportsmanship.  Secondly, my foray into the sport was the start of an amazing journey that got me towards better health and fitness.

Here is my story, told through my strength and conditioning trainer Aaron and myself.

Achieving My Fitness Goals With Specialized Trainers

For years, I have always been active  in sports as I loved the outdoors.   I spent a few years playing rugby for a women’s full contact 7-aside team.  I enjoyed the training sessions that kept me fit and game-ready and I enjoyed the camaraderie amongst my team mates most.  At that time, I was religiously going for my twice-a-week personal training sessions at IFC PT where the trainers had designed a program to condition me for my rugby games.   I also supplemented my fitness regime by training for a few run events subsequently but as time went by, these activities took a toll on my knee, and drove me right into the surgery room of the hospital where I had to have a Tibial Tubular Elevation surgery just 2 years ago.  I woke up with 2 screws ann a part prosthetic knee cap, and the prospect of not being able to do any contact sports or participate in any run events again.

 The aftermath of the surgery saw  a very slow and painful recovery which threw me into depression, particularly when I saw myself losing muscle over-time and putting on an incredible amount of weight throughout the next few months that followed.  I ditched my rehabilitation program at the hospital just one week into the program because I felt that they were not effective enough. 

 Grappling with a sense of worthlessness, my impatience at the slow recovery,   and the post-surgery pain, which also resulted in extreme pain in my left glute and back, I then returned to the gym about 3 weeks after the surgery in spite of the surgeon’s protest that it was too soon, and started training at IFC | PT with a walking aid.  At that time, my weight was already at its peak of 93kg.  I was dangerously overweight, and was hit with high blood pressure as well.  I was terribly unfit and worse, extremely unhappy.

 The surgeon and the physiotherapist at the hospital instructed me to use the crutches for 6 months.  However, I threw them out in 2 weeks and decided to depend on just a cane.  I was determined to do without the cane in 3 months or less and expressed that to my personal trainers at IFC | PT.  We also sat down to evaluate my fitness goals, which I laid out quite clearly to them.  First and foremost, I needed to recover, and I needed to recover faster than usual as I wanted to be able to run again.  Secondly, I wanted to shed at least 20kg of weight to get myself to an optimal level of fitness and health.  The weight-loss goal was in fact, a goal set by my cardiologist who said that my weight gain has put my health in danger, particularly when my high blood pressure was in fact, caused by a congenital heart defect.  Health-wise, I was a walking time-bomb.  Thirdly, I wanted to get back to doing contact sports.  If I could, I would like to be able to play rugby again perhaps.   If I am not properly recovered, I would be a liability to my rugby team mates.

 So Aaron Rolley, who helmed IFC PT, got his team of specialized trainers together to design a fitness and nutritional program that was catered specifically to my needs and my goals.  In doing so, he introduced me to a new sport which quickly became my passion for which I have been working the rest of my life around. 

To do justice to the efforts of the team at IFC PT, I would like to introduce its head trainer, Aaron Rolley who had kindly detailed the steps he took to getting me back on the straight and narrow with regard to my health and fitness.  Over to you, Aaron:

 

Getting Jo Back On The Straight And Narrow

"Before letting Joanna get back into training, we first consulted her post-op physiotherapist who gave us a break down on training guidelines, Jo followed those rules for about 3 seconds before declaring them boring and demanding that we stopped training her "like a pussy".

 Jo’s training kicked off with a lot of single leg limited ROM movements to get her leg strength up and to keep her knee stable, progressing over time to back squats, lunges, and full dead lifts, coupled with upper body exercises. At this point we were still trying to get Jo’s weight down so she was doing a lot of circuit style training.

I starting advising Jo on what to eat for weight loss in 2005, lots of vegetables, fruit, and lean animal protein, minimise alcohol, and drink lots of water, she started paying attention in 2014, did I mention that she’s stubborn?

Before Jo was introduced to boxing she had always trained hard.  Sure she would complain a lot and dictated what exercises she wanted in a workout, but always gave it everything. Unfortunately we never achieved the desired weight loss.  She thought eating healthy was boring and considered a glass of wine a serving of fruit.

A New Passion

Then we introduced Jo to Dave Macanlalay, a certified kettlebell specialist and a martial arts coach.   Dave got Jo hooked on boxing by the way he broke down the techniques. He  had a traditional approach to martial arts, which, beyond the drills, technique, strength and conditioning work, he had also taught discipline and respect.

Jo was finally ready to fuel her body properly and combined with her ramped up training schedule,  her body began to transform  before our eyes. Inspired, she approached us with a goal to take boxing to a competitive level and she was determined to do it within a year and a half. 

On her own accord, she searched and found a fight academy that could take her boxing to a new level, Juggernaut Fight Club.  Arvind Lalwani, the head coach of Juggernaut Fight Club also assessed Jo's current fitness level as well as her goals before taking her on board.   In Jo's words, " I chose to be trained by Arvind because he is one of the coaches for the national boxing team, and he has been developing champions in the sport."  That's how serious she was about boxing.  As Arvind  worked on building her skills, techniques, form, strength and speed, my team and I at IFC | PT shifted the game-plan by redesigning a regime for Jo that is tailored to her goal to be a fighter.   Jo was so fired up by her new passion that she was not willing to take a break even on weekends. So, she now runs every Saturday morning, to a neighborhood gym, The Right Fit, about 3km away to do some pad work and boxing drills with the trainers there.

Jo's New Fitness Direction

Jo’s training and nutritional requirements have now changed. She now has specialized coaches from IFC | PT,  Juggernaut Fight Club and The Right Fit who work with her on different aspects of her fitness,  At IFC | PT,  Jo works on strength and conditioning, for example hang cleans and push presses, with a specialized weight-training coach, Gregory Pink to develop explosive power. and a movement specialist.  Our movement and corrective exercise specialist, Mark Stentaford,   designed a program to help her with agility and flexibility, and also uses his skills to make sure Jo’s body can handle the rigours of her training schedule.  At Juggernaut Fight Club, Arvind continues  to hone her fighting skills and technique.

Jo now trains 6 days a week religiously and sticks to a very healthy and balanced diet.  I have personally seen Jo getting stronger and fitter.  Since post surgery till today, she has lost a total of 17kg through sheer hard work and commitment to her health.  Jo's perspective on health and fitness has changed.  In the past, she trained hard with that one thought to look good. Today, she trains hard just to get stronger, fitter and faster.  The  entire team of trainers watching her grow in her fitness journey, cannot be more proud of her.  

Her fitness journey is proof that multiple trainers from across different specialized gyms can work together to help a client to attain her fitness goals."

 

No Egos, No Barriers, No Limits

 

I have learnt throughout this journey to better health and fitness that when there is no ego, there would not be barriers. When there are no barriers, then there are no limits. My fitness journey is on-going. If anything, the best thing I got behind a healthier and fitter me, is my renewed passion for life which has enabled me to balance the demands of a career as a marketing and public relations professional, a hobby as a freelance sportswriter and my training schedule.

 

For more information about the trainers responsible for getting me back on track towards better health and fitness, do visit:

 

IFC | PT - www.ifcpt.com

Juggernaut Fight Club – www.juggernautfightclub.com

The Right Fit – https://facebook.com/therightfitsg

This post was written jointly by Aaron Rolley from IFC | PT and myself, and was recently published in Asia Sports Network at http://asiasportsnetwork.net/my-journey-towards-being-fighting-fit

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

Our Perfect Christmas Tree

The Year-End Break

I had been on a writing break and was planning to be so till the New Year.  However, I was compelled to write this post after a stressful weekend of Christmas tree-hunting had led to my reassessment of why I took a break to focus on the family and plan for the  year-end festivities.  

Bah Humbug 

The impending year-end merry-making draws a myriad of reaction from my friends.  Most tell me that the year-end festivities would usually bring home the importance of family and the special memories they shared with loved ones during the ubiquitious Christmas dinner.  Some friends would tell me how disillusioned they were about the air of commercialism wafting through the malls at Christmas, with harried parents thronging Toys R’ Us in the hope of buying the latest Lego sets or yet another Princess Elsa doll.  I even have friends who would buy the first flight out of Singapore, just to avoid the rainy season and the annoying throngs of shoppers crowding the malls and jamming the train lines. 


My Magical Christmas Last Year

For me, the year-end festive season is always a celebration of family.  Last year, as Dad was hit with a devastating Stroke  just a week before Christmas, I learnt that the true magic of Christmas for me then was the power of prayers and the heartwarming love and support that surrounded my family and I at that very painful time.  It was magic indeed because in spite of the Doctor’s earlier suggestion that Dad might be spending 2 weeks at the hospital, he actually managed to recover in time to be discharged on Christmas eve.  I had the best Christmas Eve dinner then with Dad and the rest of the family surrounding him.  Amazingly, he even managed a glass of merlot, held in his very frail hand, which he had used to wash his pills down with. 

Reunion At Christmas Eve

This year,  I had been planning a big Christmas Eve dinner for the family.  My annual Christmas Eve dinner was always a gathering of  family members who would come together to enjoy the yuletide feast.  This year, it would be a reunion of sorts because my Aunt and Uncles who had been living overseas, in the US, Canada and Australia, are now back in Singapore to spend Christmas together as a family.  This was a big deal for us.  Moreover, this Christmas would mark one year of slow but steady recovery of my Dad from his Stroke.  He may still be frail but he is mentally still quite alert and looks like he would be enjoying yet another glass or two of merlot at my Christmas Eve dinner.  

A Perfect Christmas

I undertook to personally plan every detail of my Christmas Eve dinner.  Everything had to be perfect including the food, the home, the decoration, and the tree.  That became a problem.  The perfectionist in me was turning this Christmas Eve dinner into a major headache for David and Joel.  David wanted to roast the turkey and cook most of the dinner.  I did not allow this because David’s culinary skills, beyond baking bread and making tea, was not that reliable.  Joel volunteered to gather the Christmas playlist, but I refused to risk suicide attempts at our dinner party with Michael Buble crooning over the speakers.  

Then came the Christmas tree.  A beautiful noble fir was supposed to be the piece-de-resistance of my Christmas party.

The family spent the weekend criss-crossing the island just to look for a noble fir but the trees were sold out at every garden centre.  Not even a pine needle could be found throughout the island.  I went into near “melt-down” at the garden centre, revivable only with a cake and coffee over which David had a chat with me about my need to get a grip on my perfectionist mindset. He was right. Our Christmas Eve dinner need not be perfect. It was going to be wonderfully quirky, much like the Ash family. 


First and foremost, it was a dinner party that celebrated life and resilience. We had imperfect moments when Dad's health caused us immense worry or when Granny could not remember what she ate an hour ago.  However, Dad and Granny, in spite of their frailty, would not let recovery from stroke, or a touch of dementia stop them from celebrating family. They will be there to enjoy dinner with us and possibly more wine than they should. They might frown at  my roast turkey, parsnips, brussel sprouts and potatoes and would possibly prefer  a Chicken curry and stir fried noodles but I know they would be feeling so blessed just to be there, surrounded with family.  I know Dad and Granny would feel even more blessed because it would be their cheat day, like it would be for me, and we are all going to have cake!

Secondly, it was a dinner that celebrated a united nations of cultures and races amongst  family members who come from different countries like Scotland, America and China.  It is not a perfect family. However, this  eclectic mix of cultures and races, in our Singaporean home made for much livelier conversations.

Thirdly, it was a dinner party that celebrated new entrants into the family.  2 of my cousins got married recently so I have gained 2 rather handsome cousins-in-law.  Ok, they are still wet behind the ears and have not been inducted into the family rules that the Eldest cousin is the "quasi-matriarch-empress-dowager" of the family and needs to be placated regularly with cake. They will learn.

Finally, our tree is not perfect.  However, it really is a reflection of us – a quirky family, not too large, but not too small, weird in all sense of the word, but fun, easy-going and welcoming.  

So this is my tree, the Ash family's Christmas tree for 2014.  It is definitely us isn't it?

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.