The Importance Of Doing Nothing

Mother and Daughter Roadtrip

The last time Mom and I did a roadtrip together, was about 2 years ago when we travelled to Kuching and Sibu in Sarawak.  There, I got to reunite with my aunts, and members of my Kuching family whom I had not met since I was a child.  We revisited old family history when Mom shared with me stories about her grandparents and life in Kuching and Sibu.

During that trip we ate the entire Kuching and Sibu, enjoyed a good laugh and long chats over family reunion meals, explored caves, trek forests and streams, hunted orang-utans (with the camera)  and visited markets. We had so much fun and that was definitely a meaningful trip, particularly when I got better insights into my family history.   More on that trip here:  http://thecrazyangmoandhisangrywife.blogspot.com/2016/01/a-road-trip-with-mom-to-rediscover-my.html

 A Peace Of Pairadise

2 weeks ago, Mom and I embarked on yet another roadtrip.  We decided to change the game abit and travel to parts unknown.  So Pai, about 3 hours up north from Chiangmai was the choice of our mother-daughter roadtrip. 

Pai, known for its wide expanse of rice fields, scenic mountains, fresh air, backpackers and backpackers with bandaged legs and arms from bike accidents was definitely a piece of paradise found.

Before the trip, the control-freak in me planned everything from booking a 5-star hotel because I was not keen on slumming it in a bug-infested hut with no air conditioner, right down to the private driver that I hired to transport us from Chiangmai airport through the 762 dangerous twist and turns up the mountain into Pai.  Yes I am a princess like that.  I did not want to start my vacation with bed bugs or a helicopter extricating my body from the depths of the ravine along the way to Pai.

I even had an itinerary drawn up with places in Pai to visit, like the Pai Canyon where we could view the exquisite sunset, the refreshing waterfalls where we could cool off from the summer weather, and the picturesque rice fields where I could practise my photography skills with the new camera bought for me by the hubby from Toys R Us.

The Importance Of Doing Nothing

That week of pre-trip research would have been better spent getting my motorbike licence because apart from the hotel and my driver, we did nothing touristy that I had planned in my itinerary.  In fact, because we did nothing, Mom cooed, ” This is my favourite vacation.  I had the most fun in my entire life.”

It made me think about the importance of doing nothing.

My routine back home, on work days, had always been an endless cycle of work before 8am, gym at lunchtime, or lunch meetings sometimes, back to back meetings, conference calls, gym again after work, consultation sessions with my clients and back home late at night to wolf down a light dinner.  This routine is set on repeat again the next day.  On weekends, apart from a yoga session, I focus my time on the family, juggling commitments between joining Joel at the gym, helping David with his photography work, visiting Mom and taking the dogs out for a run. 

I had absolutely no time for me.  My me times were specifically spent with my boxing, strength and conditioning and yoga coaches.  And when I viewed that from a different perspective, I realized I was truly exhausted.  I needed recovery.  I did not know how to recover.  Sleep was not recovery when I had troubled sleep spent thinking about my schedule and plans for the next day.  

Desperately, my body, mind and spirit were crying out for rest and recovery.  Mom had always told me to take a break but my usual response was, “I rest when I am dead.”

It was rainy season in Pai.  This trip was planned at a good time believe it or not.    It rained every day without fail. From the patio at our hotel room where we hung out most each day, we could see that the rain cast a mysterious mist across the mountains in the horizon and formed ripples in our pool. It was therapeutic to watch.  Time actually slowed down for us in Pai as we sat and watched the rain.

We did not rush to go to a tourist spot, whether it was the canyon, waterfalls or the famous memorial bridge.  We figured that we could see them from the web, so why bother right? We just went with the flow.  We spent a lot of time at the Pai Walking Street, lounging at cafes, people watching, sampling street food, watching impromptu street performances by the students from the Pai Circus School, striking conversations with backpackers, some who had been there a day but stayed on for 2 years, and taking photos of everything that were not really touristy, but I found interesting.

We signed up for a lesson at the Pai Cookery School, cooking red curry, Pad Thai and Chicken with Cashew Nuts, and had a great time laughing over my lack of kitchen skills.  What I would usually render as inedible when it was cooked by myself, was actually made edible by Gaew, my cookery teacher.  Mom was useless.  She did not help me at all, because she was busy trying to buy Gaew’s entire kitchen, from the pots and pans to the Tamarind-wood chopping board to the set of knives!

So apart from perspiring during the wee stint at the cookery school and that walk up and down the walking street, we really got to enjoy the art of doing nothing.

Here are some other ways we did nothing:

·     Yoga – Sat and watched the sunrise, then stretched for abit before breakfast.

·     Culinary Adventures – Hopping from pushcart to pushcart along walking street to sample streetfood.

·     Trek through the mountains – Took photos of the 762 twists and turns on the way up the mountain from our mini van.

·     Cookery School – Feigned ignorance and made the cookery teacher cook most of my dishes.

·     Enjoy cultural activities – Booked a masseuse auditioning for WWE for a Thai massage and foot reflexology.

·     Tucked into indigenous Thai food – Took photos of  bamboo worms, skewered scorpions, crocodile, ostrich and deer meat from afar.

·     Experienced Thai unique architecture – Sent Mom whose afraid of heights, across the Pai Bamboo Bridge so I could take videos for a laugh.

There must be some science to the art of doing nothing because this was the only vacation I had taken where I felt fully recharged and ready to go back to work to reactivate my mind.  I felt refreshed and my body was ready to hit the gym for an intense workout to burn off my 2 weeks worth of Som Tam and Pad Thai. I felt completely ready to be present for the rest of my family when I headed back to Singapore.

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  She is a passionate observer of life bent on inspiring others to live life positively through her writing by combing through moments worth celebrating every day.   Due to her ardent love for sports especially boxing and MMA, she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing articles to several sports media when time permits.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She enjoys Boxing and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

Changing Perceptions - What Bali Had Taught Me

I have not blogged for awhile.  I had intended to write a piece about my trip to Bali but after discarding a few drafts, I had decided to delve deeper into what made this trip magical for me instead.

I am not new to Bali and its balmy beaches, hot surfers, cheap cocktails and fashionably cool tourists. Or was it the other way around; cool surfers, hot beaches and cheap tourists. 

Honeymoon

12 years ago, David and I spent our honeymoon in Bali where our supposedly romantic week whirled past us as we hung about the swimming pool of a quaint little beach resort in a half drunk state.  We went back to Bali every year after that, as we loved the cheap cocktails and the bliss of hanging about by the swimming pool of a quaint little beach resort.

Years after, the resort looked like a ramshackle hut filled with half drunk European tourists some with no sense of cultural respect enough to remove their bikini tops so we could all admire the length of their breasts from knee to chest.   David and I looked at each other in disgust and gawked not at the breasts but at the vision of us hanging about by the swimming pool of that quaint little beach resort, with his red-neck-looking cowboy hat propped on top of his head, and my bikini top still back in Singapore. We could not foresee ourselves in that state during our future visits to Bali.

Magical

We came to a realization that Bali, with all its spiritual energy was worth more than those cheap cocktails and hot surfers.  We wanted to experience the spiritual magic of Bali we had missed in the last 12 years.   So we checked into a tiny but beautiful and serene villa located right smack in the middle of a rice field in Ubud, Central Bali.

Every evening, we were entertained by a symphony coming from the bull frogs, crickets, geckos, and a timing-challenged cockerel.  As we sat outside the terrace with our cups of tea (note: no booze), David pointed to the Orion belt, and we took turns guessing the names of stars.  I thought I spotted Venus too but he said I was drunk on tea.  Also, I saw fireflies for the first time, flitting about amongst the rice plants.  I was so awed by the beauty of nature and wondered why anyone would ever need television, when there was better entertainment out there in the rice fields in the evenings.

When we woke up at 4am everyday….yes4am, because that cockerel had not yet learnt to discern when dawn breaks, we spotted rice farmers tending to their crops as birds came by our swimming pool for their morning bath. Bliss.

Yoga

I also hired a personal yoga instructor to come by to the villa to practice yoga with me. Her name is Luisa. I wanted to initiate David into the wonderful world of yoga, but David got himself initiated into an evening of solitude and delectable room service instead, when he spent that entire yoga session taking photographs of Luisa’s and my butt as we did the cow and cat poses.  That photograph was posted on Facebook and possibly had become National Geographic’s photograph of the week, from the comments we got.  I was so embarrassed!

As I increasingly fell in love with yoga, I formed a friendship with Luisa.  She taught me that yoga was more than the asanas that we were practicing together.  Yoga was actually a way of life that could be used off the mat at our office and at home.  Just understanding the basic tenets of the Yamas and Niyamas, made me look at the issues at work in a different light. We both also had similar ideas about life and spirituality. In no time at all, Luisa and I came up with a business idea to bring an enriching weekend of learning and spiritual rejuvenation to people who needed it – the Blue Heaven Goddess Weekend.  Luisa and I will be launching the Blue Heaven Goddess Weekend in 2014.

Gungdek

Little did I know that this trip to Bali was going to be my medicine that helped salved an open wound.  When I went to Bali, I had the yoke of work issues around my neck.  I had a disagreement with someone at work which impacted my confidence and I landed in Bali with the belief that perhaps, I was really not good enough at what I did. I was made to believe that I had to be opened to change because I was not “cutting it”.

However, the deeply spiritual disposition of the Balinese people touched my heart in a way that no other experience could.  I had an inspiring encounter with my villa owner who doubled up as my driver. His name was Gungdek.  He was the epitome of contentment – he would not ask for more and was happy with life as it was because of his steep spiritual beliefs that everything he had was bestowed by God.  So he lived in joy and gratitude for every little abundance he had in his life.  Gungdek’s daughter died 13 years ago of a motorcycle accident.  2 days after burying her, his house burnt down to the ground.  Gungdek never had money.  He came from a very poor family and his own family lived from hand to mouth, from meal to meal.  However, it was after the loss of his daughter and his house, that woke him up to the fact that he still had a home – his entire family who depended on each other for love and life.  Gungdek worked very hard for years and managed to own a piece of land on which he had built this villa.  I felt so privileged to be able to stay the week in this villa that Gungdek built.  He lived next door to the villa, in a little thatched house.  A mud track led to his house and children blissfully played soccer outside his little house, oblivious to the blood and sweat Gungdek had put into providing for his family. The man was always smiling and chatty.  He drove me all over Ubud to show me the sights, recommended  good and inexpensive restaurants to us and even got a numerology reading from me.  The simplicity of his life, and the contentment about him, did not expose a past of grief, loss and sorrow.  I was inspired.  The changes in his life, and the loss he had suffered, had inspired new ideas and a conviction to turn his family’s life around and make it better.  In the same vein, I was inspired to accept that all changes can indeed inspire new ideas and a conviction to re-chart a direction towards any goal I wanted to manifest.  I should never be afraid and defensive of anyone’s perception of me, however erroneous. If anything, I should be afraid of my inability to change my perceptions about myself.

This much-needed vacation to Bali was much needed not because I wanted to de-stress, rejuvenate and recharge myself.  It was much needed because Bali was calling me to change my perceptions about her, her cheap cocktails, hot surfers, balmy beaches and colourful sarongs. She wanted to touch me with the magic of her spiritual energy. 

Bali also called to me, to change my perceptions about myself.  Like Gungdek who picked himself up from his loss of his daughter and his house, I was called to pick myself up from the loss of my confidence caused by harsh words, thoughtlessness and differing views and perceptions of others.   
I figured that whatever the hurdles and changes got thrown in my path, as long as I could be opened to changing my own perception of them, the Universe will conspire to make things right for me.

I would be coming back to Bali every year without doubt.  Perhaps, she might show me something different again, the next time I visit.  


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketing professional at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son and 3 dogs with personality disorders.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".   Together, we create a home made up with more nuts than a fruitcake but filled with plenty of love.

The rice fields were so serene

View of the rice fields from our private villa pool

A visit to the Ubud local market

My gorgeous yoga instructor Luisa

Why can't my family be normal....sighhhh.

Luisa and I in total bliss state

Hot surfer, Cool moves

Blue Heaven Bali- My heavenly base for our Blue Heaven Goddess Weekends in 2014

Birds taking a bath in my pool

Stupid chicken

I Found My Wat In Bangkok

The Family Vacation

I hate holidays. I must be crazy right?  But yes, I do hate holidays.  I hate the hassle of having to make decisions about which flight to book, which hotels to stay in, which destination would give me the most fun, beach or city.  I spend 5 days a week making decisions for the business, and 7 days a week making decisions for the family, so why do I have to make decisions just to go on a holiday?  I just didn’t fancy cavorting with the great unwashed at the airport, the hotel and at the shops, and be at one with the tourists.  I was in fact rather annoyed that David and Joel looked every bit the part with their cameras hung round their necks while brandishing a map in one hand, and a bottle of water in the other.

However, I had to put that selfish perspective aside and thought the family did deserve a break.  It was a rare family vacation.  My time spent being bitch boss and ogre mom for 365 days a year must surely warrant at least 5 days of rest for the sake of the sanity of my staff and my family.

So I agreed to organize a wee 5- day vacation with the family in the exciting city of Bangkok.  I do enjoy Bangkok for it’s vibrant atmosphere and ultra friendly people.  Oh, and I forgot the super delicious food.  I actually violated my Paleolithic diet for 5 days by feasting on yummy Pad Thai (Thai style fried noodles with seafood), every day of that vacation.  My personal trainer would have had a fit but hey, I was on a vacation then.  I believed I was allowed to give my diet a wee rest.

No Rest For The Wicked

I think I never understood the word “vacation”.  I am not familiar with the concept of rest and relax. Weeks before the trip, I did a lot of research to locate an organic soy wax candle supplier that could create package and supply candles under the Sun Goddess Tarot brand.  I also did a lot of research about the Tarot community in Bangkok and arranged to meet up with them for an open Tarot reading studio session.  All these research had bridged me with a group of Tarot enthusiasts as well as New Age/Spiritualists groups.
Coincidentally, I bumped into an old colleague whom I haven’t met for years, who was staying at the same hotel. Whilst catching up on old times,  I also did a Tarot reading for her, over what felt like 10 bottles of champagne.  The massive headache next morning did not prevent me from hunting for more candle suppliers and making more calls.

In between these activities, coupled with a shopping marathon and a massage session, I was on my Blackberry responding to work emails.

Definitely no rest for the wicked.

I found My Wat

So I came to Bangkok to eat, shop, get a massage, meet fellow Tarot enthusiasts and buy a truck load of candles. Ok, I perhaps needed to have a bit of rest too.  However, I got more than I bargained for, pardon the pun.   I actually found my Wat ( temple) here.

Let me explain.

We cruised along the Chao Phraya River over the weekend.  I enjoyed that very much because I saw a different perspective of Bangkok, lived by the simple river folk.  Truly, a colorful scene.
 I saw an old man sleeping in a hammock hung precariously from a crooked pillar of his dilapidated home and a dead tree stump.  He was enjoying the idyllic afternoon and oblivious that his hammock was swinging dangerously a few meters off the ground.

I took a sneak peek at a young man fishing using a huge chicken leg at the end of his line as bait.  I did not want to ask what he was fishing for as I wasn’t sure what “monsters” were lurking in the murky waters.  A “Kracken” perhaps.

I greeted a family feeding a shoal of hungry fish from the front porch of their home.  They were laughing and chatting very loudly as the fish were jumping out of the water to grab the food being thrown to them.

I waved at 2 young boys playing with a torn tyre of a truck, using it as a floatie in the water.  They were thrilled by that simple “toy” they had possibly found on some dirt road somewhere.

Even the animal life by the river was soaking in the idyllic river scene.  A giant monitor lizard, the size of a motorbike was sunbathing by the river bank.  A black scruffy dog popped his head out of the steel barriers by the river to have a closer look at what was going on along the river.

That cruise along the river brought a sense of calm in my mind.  I remembered that I was rushing around trying to do multiple things in a short time, but I forgot why I was on holiday.  I was supposed to enjoy every minute with my family, whether we were doing “tourist” things together as a family or just chilling out together over a drink.  When we wanted to have a meal of Pad Thai. I shouldn’t be stressing over how hygienically prepared the dish was or if that eatery had a shelter in case it rained.  When David made a mistake with the flight departure time, I should have realized that by hook or by crook, he was going to get us home anyway, which ever flight or whatever time it was going to be.   Even when the wifi at the hotel was erratic, I should have just put away the Ipad, Blackberry and phone, and enjoyed a glass of gin and tonic with the family at the lounge instead.

Tread My Own Temple Grounds Like A Buddhist Nun

In Bangkok, you might come across many Wats of various sizes. These Buddhist temples are intricately carved, depicting stories that are a few centuries old.  While the architecture of these temples are magnificent, the grounds are so serene. 

A walk around the temple grounds would allow you to meet with worshippers who were praying intently with their joss sticks, either standing or kneeling.  You might meet some monks chanting melodiously as they ran their fingers along their prayer beads.  The air would be filled with the aroma of sweet incense. 

This picture in my head reminded me of the words of an ex-boss and a very good friend L, who once said to me, “ Jo, you will need to learn to treat life like the Buddhist nun, sweeping the leaves one by one slowly as she treads the temple grounds.”

I have been sweating over the small stuff, attempting to  squeeze so many activities in 5 short days, that I realized I was more stressed and harangued than I should be.  I snapped at everyone, and was intolerant to waiters who took my food orders erroneously at the restaurants.  I grunted at the Tuk Tuk driver who took the wrong turn.  I got annoyed with Joel for leaving behind a bag of shopping on the conveyor belt at the airport.  I blamed David for attempting to "ruin my holiday" just because he made a mistake with  the flight departure time.

Actually, if anyone was ruining that holiday, it was me.  The Wat was within me.  I could choose to listen to that melodious chant of the monks in my heart or block my ears if I considered it a cacophony of noise.  I could choose to wonder at the sights and smells of this exciting city from behind the Tuk Tuk, or scold the Tuk Tuk driver for giving me a distended cocyx.  I could choose to savour the delectable flavour of that roadside Pad Thai, or  walk across to the boring Irish bar for a fish and chips.

Ultimately, the Wat was within me.  I could choose to make this 5 days in Bangkok the best vacation I have ever had.  However, for several moments, I forgot that I was on vacation with the family.

Photos used in this blog post were provided courtesy of www.singaporemaven.com

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".