Living My Dream

I love the month of February.  Even in tropical Singapore, I feel the season of Spring in the air. There seems to be that much more laughter, more family gatherings, and more fun dinners with friends.  In fact, these 3 months from December through to February were months of fabulous revelry.  I celebrated the close of an awesome year in December and the start of an even more awesome year in January with Christmas and New Year celebrations.  The good news is that  the celebrations continue  in February, as we celebrate love, family, and friendships with Valentine’s Day and the Chinese New Year.  People have whirlwind romances at this time, I have a whirlwind calendar of never-ending activities ranging from weddings, meet-up with friends, family parties, workshops that I conducted and then some.

 

However, it was more than just the eating, drinking and general merry-making.  These were the months I celebrated my definition of living the dream as the new year opened. 

Dad, looked much healthier than just a year before when he had suffered a stroke just before Christmas.  He managed to enjoy a glass of wine with me at our family Christmas Eve dinner and was happy to just sit there to take in the cacophony of chatter and laughter amongst our family while my 2 year old nephew attempted to put some christmas cake in his glass of wine.

 

Mum had been suffering from a painful shoulder but when we had it checked, we were assured it was just a strained rotator cuff which was quite a common ailment for people her age.  That was a relief for me.  However it also reminded me about the importance of self-care and the need to listen to my body when all that training at the gym plus the late nights of running my consultancy  after working hours, could get all too much for me.  I was reminded of this yet again, when I got sick with the stomach flu recently for almost a week.  I took to catching up on my sleep over a weekend and did absolutely nothing for 2 days just to give my body some rest.  

 

Joel, who had been a pain in the butt for months when he regressed to a stage of teenage rebelliousness at the age of 21, finally saw the light and learnt the meaning of opened communication, honesty and respect within the family. He grew up overnight and became all of 21 years old again when he reconciled with us through a rather public apology for behaving like an ass. All forgiven. 

 

David got finally inspired by my fitness journey to start taking up boxing lessons in December as well as Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes in February.  That made  training at the gym more fun for the both of us. He has not accidentally sat on anyone's head yet, so all seems good so far.  We not only share our love for the gym, we have been each other’s moral conscience when it comes to choice of food too.  I am looking forward to a  healthier and fitter hubby by the end of this year. 

 

As much joy as these months brought us, we also had our fair share of tears.  Ozzy passed on  a couple of weeks ago and the family was inconsolable.  Ozzy had been David’s favourite fur-friend and a very important member of our family.  Although he was tiny, his loss just left such a huge and irreplaceable void in our hearts.  I believed that the other 2 mutts at home felt the same.  Zak and Bailey looked quite confused for about a week or so.  We are still grieving but we celebrate Ozzy’s life with us, the fun we had together and the unconditional love that he had given us, and with immense gratitude.

 

I think the experiences of these few months can be encapsulated into a single message, urging me to treasure each moment, no matter the circumstance. Living the dream means many things to many people.  To my friends who are professional Mixed Martial Arts fighters, living the dream means the ability to travel the world to fight on a world stage with highly skilled and experienced fighters.  To my friends who are professional Tarot readers, living the dream means quitting their day jobs to focus on a professional career of reading for their clients on a daily basis, teaching the art of Tarot to students, designing and creating their own tarot decks, writing Tarot books and traveling the world to conduct talks and workshops. To a client who was a local head of communications at a big company who got retrenched but was called back by her boss to take on a new role as global head of social media recently, she was living the dream. She packed up her belongings, lock, stock and barrel and made that brave move across the ocean to live in a new country to take up that role.  

 

To me, I am living the dream too and this is how I define mine.  I am finally getting much fitter and healthier through my new found passions of boxing and muay thai.  I am surrounded by an imperfectly perfect family filled with so much love.  I work with a bunch of crazy but fun girls who have been bringing sunshine into the office everyday no matter how difficult our days may be.  I am able to effectively run an intuitive consultancy after my work hours and continue to help numerous clients with my Tarot and Numerology skills. I am still writing and contributing articles whenever I have spare time, not out of the pressure of deadlines but out of my love for sports and MMA. I finally found my balance in life that many of my peers are still searching for.  Am I living the dream or what?

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

 

I Gave Myself Permission To Have A Break

My Month Of Rest

This was supposed to be my month of rest.  Apart from experiencing a meltdown moment over a Christmas tree last week, practicing a few elbow moves while doing Christmas shopping at the mall, and annoying my creative agency by playing creative director again over a very small project,  I actually had a wee bit of rest.

I gave myself a break from writing MMA-related or Tarot related articles.  When I felt compelled to write, I chose to write softer articles that could inspire my readers to make the right health and fitness choices.    

I was also selective about accepting Tarot reading engagements at corporate events. Last year, I was inundated with so many events and teaching workshops  in December that I hardly spent time with the family on weekends.  This year,  I took on less events and was thankful I did, especially when we had a couple of weddings in the family, my granny’s birthday, and a number of Christmas party invitations.  I would not have had the ability to juggle too many commitments.  Even when it came to my boxing training at the gym, I was thankful for a wee bit of rest when my boxing coach spent a couple of weeks traveling and was called up for reservist training.  I had not stop going to the gym, and instead, focused on strength and conditioning which I badly needed.

Bracing For A Busy 2015 

I believed that this period of rest was needed to get me ready for an extremely busy first quarter of 2015.  Apart from all the projects that I had to focus on at work early next year,  we also had several writing and photography assignments lined up which will see us traveling to Bangkok and Jakarta, and I have got plans for doing a week of intensive Muay Thai training in Phuket thereafter.  Moreover, I am planning some exciting lineup of Numerology workshops in partnership with a few creative souls and am quite excited about it.  Just the thought of meandering through these projects coming up in the first quarter of 2015, was enough to overwhelm me but I will cross the bridge when I come to it.

So what did I do during my break?

Focusing On The Family And Me

• I took Mom shopping.  We indulged in a spot of Christmas shopping and an extravagant lunch.  It gave us the opportunity to have a mother-daughter chat about everything under the sun, we took countless nauseating selfies and had a bit of a laugh about everything.   I wanted to be able to spend an entire day with Mom without burying my face in my blackberry to respond to the never-ending flood of emails.

• I participated at a festive pop-up market, the Goddess Marketplace, where I spent the day doing Tarot and Numerology readings for the New Year.  The readings were a hit and  my greatest gratification was the fact that I made new friends in the process.  I wanted to do readings in an environment of like-minded, creative and talented souls who were there to make new friends too, as they created awareness for their craft, and not be pressured by the constraints of time which was often a limitation for me as I rushed from back to back private client readings in person to  skype readings at home on a nightly basis.

• I had not stop writing. Instead, I wrote only what I wanted to write.  I worked on articles that I felt would inspire and add value to others.  So I wrote articles that focused on the fitness and nutritional regimen of people who were professional athletes as well as recreational fitness enthusiasts.  I wanted to write in a way where I would not be pressured by demands and deadlines of  events and egos of people I had to interview for content.

• I went out with a few of my colleagues for a nice afternoon away from the office, just enjoying a cup of tea and a girlie conversation.  Instead of arguing with or moaning to these colleagues about the obstacles we were facing in some of our projects, we decided to just enjoy the moment, take it slow, and make our time with each other count towards building a better collegiate environment when we got back to the office after.

• I attended my cousins’ weddings.  Two of my cousins had decided to get married a few weeks apart from each other.  It gave the family a reason to come together to celebrate these nuptials.  We spent so little time throughout the year catching up with each other because of our busy schedules, yet within a few weeks, we seemed to be seeing more of each other and enjoying conversations with each other as if we had not been apart at all throughout the year.  In fact, we will be seeing each other again soon as Mum will be hosting her pre-Christmas family lunch this Sunday, and I will be hosting the ubiquitous Ash Family Christmas Eve dinner.  

• I focused on myself for once.  Instead of attending every event that I was invited to, or participating in every activity that I was previously lined up for, I picked and chose the ones I wanted to be at.  Some of my Saturday afternoons were spent  just enjoying a long nap.  I guess it was a way my body and mind was hollering for me to give it a rest.  So I did.

I Gave Myself Permission To Have A Break 

I woke up to something during this break.  Often, my friends and family would ask how I could juggle my time between a full time career as a marketing and PR professional, my intuitive consultancy business, my freelance writing assignments, my travels and my kickboxing training. 

Honestly, how busy I wanted to be is all within my control.  I could choose to slow down on my activities if I wanted to.  If I chose to be extremely  busy multi-tasking on so  many projects, that would be because I enjoyed them tremendously.  And at times like these, I would listen to my mind and body to step back and give myself permission to have a break.

I am enjoying my break till the year end, and I am enjoying it tremendously because I do deserve it.

About The Writer

The writer of this blog post is a Marketing and PR professional for over 20 years.  Due to her love for Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), she is also a freelance sports writer on the side, contributing MMA-related articles to several sports media.  She works in partnership with her husband, David Ash, who is an avid sports photographer from www.singaporemaven.com.  She is passionate about Muay Thai and nurtures a dream to fight competitively one day when her coach stops making fun of her.  She is also a psychic intuitive by birth and runs a consultancy that does tarot and numerology readings under her brand, Sun Goddess Tarot.  This blog is affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" as she is married to one, although she has not yet explained to THE Ang Mo that when translated, he has been labeled  “the bloke with ginger hair”.  

Clowning about with the hubby at my cousin's wedding

Clowning about with Mum while out doing Christmas shopping

Clowning about with granny on her birthday

Clowning about with Team Ash at yet another cousin's wedding

Er....Just Clowns....

Live A Little

I have never done anything on a whim. I certainly have never travelled on a whim. In fact,  I disliked traveling.  However, this was a year that saw a few pleasant surprises that ranged from my travelling to Sri Lanka without my usual thoroughly-planned itinerary,  new friends that I had found from a most unlikely source who shared my love for esoteric pursuits, wider acceptance of my intuitive gifts by the very people who brushed it away as unfounded superstitions,  new hobbies driven by my belief that the impossible can be possible, and I have not stopped counting.   Doing things on a whim was one of them.  I used to be a control freak.  I planned everything from start to finish so that I would not get smacked in the face with any surprises.   I disliked surprises. I learnt however to live a little.

A couple of weeks ago, David was invited to do some photography work for a Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) event in Phuket that was scheduled to happen this weekend.  We waited for the organizers to nail down the event schedule and other details and finally, when these details were confirmed this evening via a phone call, we quickly booked flights and our accommodation for the trip.  Until this week, I could never imagine applying for leave from work, booking flights and accommodation and hiring a boxing coach just 2 days before a trip.  That was not my style but I was definitely loving the spontaneity.

It was only a 3-day trip but I was determined to make full use of my time there to push my fitness level a little further with a 2-day intensive kickboxing training and of course I wanted to enjoy my first MMA fight live.  This was also the first time I had agreed to accompany David on one of his photography assignments overseas.  Seeing him at work with his camera was always inspiring for me.

Several months ago, as David got more invitations to take photographs at sports events, I started to sit up to pay attention to his photography talent.  I caught a glimpse of his passion within each photo and one particular photo of an MMA fight in action moved me.  I was inspired enough to take up kickboxing as a sport and got even more motivated when I saw what it had been doing to improve my fitness and my confidence.  All my worries about my never ever participating in a contact sport again after a knee surgery was unfounded.  I enjoyed it so much that against the advice of David and my boxing coach, Dave,  I was determined to make full use of my long weekend in Phuket by undergoing intensive training sessions with a kickboxing coach that I had found online.  Okay, that was not too wise but I was determined to live a little and just have fun while getting fit.  I was sure I was at least wise enough not to get my head kicked in.

While on the theme of spontaneity, I came across the website of a holistic healing centre located in Phuket that offered services like Pranic healing, Yoga, meditation and other alternative therapies.   So I contacted the managers there to inform them that I was going to be there for the long weekend and would like to offer intuitive readings deploying multiple modalities of tarot, astrology and  numerology, overlaid with my clairvoyant and clairsentient skills.  I thought that was a brilliant idea!  My readings could complement the healing work that this holistic centre was offering.  David asked, "Why can't you just chill out by the pool and enjoy the weekend?" But I am chilling out, honey!

 It would be a fabulous weekend of taking care of my fitness, taking care of new clients through my intuitive readings, and getting entertained at my first live MMA event.

Who knows what other excitement I might be inviting into my life? 

About The Writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketing professional at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son and 3 dogs with personality disorders.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".   Together, we create a home made up with more nuts than a fruitcake but filled with plenty of love.  Her other blog detailing her passion for intuitive readings can be found at http://sungoddesstarot.blogspot.com

Follow Through

My Uncool Experience With The Press

2 weeks ago, an embarrassing situation happened to me. I agreed to an interview with a journalist for a national newspaper on a topic close to my heart, health and wellness.  When the story was published, I was so embarrassed with the photograph they had published which depicted me in a Surya Namaskar position.  However, I did not look like a composed yoga practitioner in that photo, but more like a walrus waiting to be fed. What was worse was that the journalist was not on message and left out 99% of the content of my story to focus on my age, weight and weightloss goals.   I should have known better as a PR professional not to trust that the coverage would be aligned to my intent.  I should have followed through with questions to the journalist to ensure he understood the key messages I had expressed earlier to him.  So I blamed myself for how that story turned out. I should have followed through.

My “Un-Awesome” Experience At My Awesome Cafe

For a week now,  I had heard my team at work grumbling about one of Singapore’s hottest new cafes called My Awesome Café, that clearly did not deliver up to their promise of being awesome.   My first visit there a few weeks ago left me with a less than favorable impression of their service but an awesome impression of their desserts that came with awesome names like the rather orgasmic “Orgasm In A Cup”.  “Orgasm In A Cup” which was actually a rich chocolate pudding, could not possibly get past foreplay as it was a tiny timble-sized serving.  However, it tasted awesome.  In fact, it tasted more than awesome.   I enjoyed it so much that I went on to try the other desserts like the pineapple upside down cake.  Now, if that chocolate pudding was “Orgasm In A Cup”, the pineapple upside down cake was “Sex On A Plate”.  While I enjoyed the desserts, my “coitus interruptus” came in the form of their service.  It was painfully slow and peppered with orders that were mixed up to the chagrin of other customers that had been waiting for the last hour and a half.

Today, the team had decided to give My Awesome Café another chance and went there for lunch.  I was unfortunately bound to the stupid stationary bike at the gym, while my personal trainer brandished his whip.  I could not leave for my dose of orgasmic desserts at My Awesome Café.  So, the girls brought back a take-away box of the café’s signature Awesome salad which was supposed to come with roast chicken, duck rillette and smoked salmon on a bed of fresh greens.  I searched over and under the greens but no duck rillette could be found.  The guys at My Awesome Café must have forgotten the duck rillette and charged me the full price of $18 for that salad that was just slightly bigger than the size of a timble.  The girls also complained incessantly about the slow service and they swore never to visit the café again.

So what went wrong?

I blamed it on the lack of follow through.  The team at My Awesome Café had a great concept.  Fabulous food, gleaming smiles on the faces of the waiting staff, and a cosy rustic décor which could have been mistaken for my grandmother’s kitchen. I loved it.  However without following through on a great concept with the right number of waiting or kitchen staff that could cater to the busy lunchtime crowd in the heart of the Central Business District, I was not sure how long My Awesome Café can stay awesome.

Follow Through

The basic foundation of delivering to expectations was  really having the vision and drive to follow through.

I had a golf instructor some years back who often barked at me at the 15^thhole of the golf course when I was exhausted, hot and bothered, “Follow through on your swing, Jo.  That was a lazy swing.”  I used to think that he was just annoying and gagging to get to the beers at the clubhouse but I understood  later that that was critical to my game.

My rugby coach used to holler from the sidelines, “Follow through with the ball! Use it or lose it!”  He became my husband years later and that allowed me to use the phrase back at him when he put his dirty clothes around the laundry basket instead of putting them in the laundry basket.  I would scream at him to follow through on his promise to keep the home tidy.  So I had grown to be quite fond of the phrase.

These days, I had been using the phrase quite a lot at work too. I used it when some brilliant idiot had thought of a supposedly creative idea but left it hanging in mid-air whilst expecting a fellow  colleague to telepathically pick up on his expectations to implement  his or her supposedly creative idea without a plan, resource or budget.  Needless to say, the idea was of course implemented with the fanfare of an egg and spoon race at a kindergarten.  That was when I would bark at my loudest, “Can someone with an IQ above 7 please follow through with this idea and turn it into a viable action plan in future?”

When I mentored my students at Tarot and Numerology, we often discussed case studies on the readings they had been doing.  When I noticed that one or two of the students had provided nothing else more than a very detailed and accurate interpretations of each Tarot card that had been picked for a spread, I would encourage them to follow through with the consultation by interpreting the cards to the clients’ situations and provide clear advice and options instead so that the clients could make informed decisions on how they should be managing their respective situations.  It was very important for me that my students learnt to follow through with the intent of turning a reading into an advice-centric consultation.

I found that in spite of all the fabulous ideas and vision that many people had when they started a business, many failed miserably when it came to the “follow through”.  I have had friends who started their businesses with beautifully designed business-cards, shiny offices that were renovated by award-winning interior designers, and well-developed websites that were search-optimized and came complete with CRM capabilities.  However, they ended up spending the next year wondering why their businesses stayed stagnant.  It was so telling that they had not followed through from their initial vision to create a practical business plan that was pegged against measurable KPIs.

Take Ownership

Instead of putting the blame on others or on the lack of help, support and resource for anything that did not go as planned, I would suggest that you take ownership for your own plans, ideas and vision by ensuring that you follow through at every stage to manage your own expectations for what a successful outcome may look like to you.

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketing professional at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son and 3 dogs with personality disorders.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".   Together, we create a home made up with more nuts than a fruitcake but filled with plenty of love.  Her other blog can be found at http://sungoddesstarot.blogspot.com

So embarrassing.  I looked like a walrus waiting to be fed some fish....sighhh

Orgasmic food at My Awesome Cafe Singapore.  I hope they better their service soon or else I will have to look for my orgasm from alternative sources.  Photo credit: Chia Seow Wee

Acknowledging My Faults And Failings

Acknowledgement

Acknowledging my faults and failings does make me a better person.
In the last month, the most extraordinary things had happened to me because I had decided to “give a little” and acknowledge that some circumstances happened for a purpose.  Anyone who knew me well, would tell you that I would never back down from anything I did not believe in, without a fight.  However experience taught me that while I would like to have control over most things in my life, there are some things that are best left to allow “nature to take its course”.

A Better Manager

When I had a run-in with someone at work last month which threatened to rock my confidence and instilled doubts about my capabilities, I was prepared to march into the office of someone more senior who would hopefully take the time to listen to me griping about my frustrations.  Somehow, that did not happen when busy schedules, last minute meetings and other priorities got in the way of that appointment.

I was glad that meeting did not happen because I had the opportunity during that time span to rethink about the root cause of the issue, mull about the repercussions of any rash action on my part and form a plan to make things right  not only with the person whom I had the run in with, but also between myself and my ego.  The biggest lesson that came out of it, was about the complacency within me.  The incident was an opportunity to kick me out of my comfort zone to re-think about how I should be delivering better with the team, to our work objectives.  I saw it as a challenge to take on new projects, learn new skills and knowledge, and band with the team to work better with other cross-functional teams. 

I was rather glad that this new found calmness in me had allowed me to take a break in Bali with the issue simmering at the back of my head just immediately after the incident.  In the past, my vacation would have been ruined because I would be spending that week dreaming up of some evil plot to throw my shoe at the person who had caused me this much grief.  In fact, it was the break in Bali that gave me time to re-evaluate the issue and think of turning the challenge into an opportunity.

By acknowledging my faults and failings alongside others’ and my ability to move forward by proactively creating plans to make things right, I had possibly defined myself as a better leader in the company and a better manager to my team.


A Better Mother

I had always admitted difficulty of grappling this role as a mother of a boy who had just turned into an adult.  Joel’s main weakness was thought to be his soft and sentimental heart.  It took me awhile to see that weakness as strength.  I was particularly possessive of his time.  When he had to juggle school, industrial attachment stints at the local hospitals, his girlfriend and 2 families (his Dad’s and mine), I often had fights with him about not being able to spend quality time with him.  I lamented about David and I having pre-empty nesters’ syndrome on a weekly basis.  When his girlfriend visited, I would shut myself in the room and displayed my displeasure with a growl before shutting the room door, because I felt an invasion of my space and my time with him.  I often kicked up a fuss about his excessive spending on date nights, because I could not spend excessively to dote on my once little boy. 

My perspective changed a little when this relationship with her crossed the one year mark.  Yes, they spent one year dodging my caustic bullets and menacing grunts.  They came home one day with a cake and 1 candle and announced proudly that they wanted to celebrate their first year anniversary together with me.  I was very touched by that gesture.  So now, I have moved up the dial to tolerate her presence in my home.  She was not such a bad kid after all.

By acknowledging that my son had grown up and had to walk this journey through life by maneuvering the bends along the road by himself, I had possibly defined myself as a better mother.  I would always be there for him and nothing can change the fact that I am his mother.  I had to finally learn to let go.

A Better Wife

I had an epiphany just recently about how I had been managing my relationship with David.  You would be able to read more about it from my Tarot blog,http://sungoddesstarot.blogspot.sg/2013/11/a-conversation-with-my-father-in-law.html. 

I have always thought that being a great wife was to be able to juggle a high flying career that could contribute to a financially comfortable life for my family whilst nurturing the family with much love.  I thought I had been doing a fabulous job transposing myself from mother, to wife, to corporate careerist as a marketing head for an MNC, to a entrepreneur of a Tarot and Numerology consultancy.

If I had to explain my career ambitions better, it found its roots almost 15 years ago when I got divorced to my first husband and was told that I would never survive without a marriage, and that I would never be able to afford a home and that I would never be able to raise my son on my own.  So I spent the last 15 years proving otherwise developing a hard corporate exterior not only at work but also at home. 

I am very blessed that David is a patient man who gave me nothing but selfless love.  My surviving that divorce and such rock-bottom confidence was not because I did well in my career, but because I had a husband who gave me everything.

By acknowledging that life, including myself, could not always be story-book perfect and that all David needed was the assurance that he was doing the right thing to make me happy every day, through good times and bad, I had possibly defined myself as a better wife.  He knew last night, after reading my Tarot blog post that I was never taking him for granted again.


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketing professional at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son and 3 dogs with personality disorders.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".   Together, we create a home made up with more nuts than a fruitcake but filled with plenty of love.

My man and me - I would be nothing without him.

The kids' first anniversary cake - they celebrated their first anniversary as a couple with me.

With my boys...

My looney team at work

Enjoying A Very Long Weekend

Vacations Are A Waste Of Time

I am a nightmare to my team at work on my days off.  I usually spend my vacation time feverishly responding to emails on my Blackberry,  sending them on  panic-stricken wild goose chase around the office in their bid to respond to my decisions made remotely while on vacation.

If you thought I was a nightmare to my team at work on my days off, you should have a chat with my family who would usually revolve their time and schedule around my vacation time so that they could get some conversation time with me.  Usually by the end of that vacation, the husband might be looking for a butter knife in an attempt to slit his wrist, or the boy might decide to elope with a local girl.  All these just because I kicked up a fuss about the Angkor Wat not having any WiFi, or perhaps the nearest Starbucks in Siem Reap was an ocean away back in Singapore.

My vacation time was never fun, I never felt relaxed and I felt that there was more stress while on vacation than when I was at the office.  Having a day off was definitely frivolous and decadent to me.  I saw it as a complete waste of time when I could do so much more with my time.

My Stressful Moments

However, in the last few months, as I was thrown into a neck-breaking schedule of balancing the management of a huge project at work with my Tarot coaching and reading appointments,  there were so many stressful matters on the family front that had been simmering under the surface within my environment.  

Joel had a "meltdown moment" with his nursing course.  While he loved the hands-on practical side of nursing during his industrial attachment at the hospital, he disliked the academic aspects of studying for the examinations.  It did not help that one of his course mates had decided to quit the course halfway to pursue other interests.  I could see despondency and confusion setting in his mind.  Clearly my boy needed me.

My grandmother had a fall 2 weeks ago in the bathroom and broke her wrist.  The accident affected her ability to walk and because she needed physiotherapy, she was warded in the hospital for 2 weeks, with her arm in a sling.  Granny is a spritely old lady with a mind and a spirit of a 25 year old.  Most of her misery at the hospital was due to the fact that she did not have many people to talk to and worse, she could not play mahjong.  This was compounded with the fact that half the family were residing overseas hence leaving Granny with only a few people who could care for her.   Clearly, my granny needed me.

During those 2 weeks when Granny was in the hospital, my Mum did the grand tour of hospitals in Singapore because Dad was also checked into one to get his Glaucoma fixed and he had to have medical check-ups before and after that surgery.  Dad and Mum clearly needed me.

Then there was David.  This hubby extraordinaire  had been standing by as my pillar of support.  He fetched and sent me to the hospital to visit Granny,  accompanied me to visit Mum and Dad, counselled Joel during that meltdown, and throughout all that, I forgot that he needed me too.  David usually took on work stress in his quiet and stoic way.  I was the more verbose of the pair and would be talking at length about how stressful work was or how upset I was about Granny's fall or Dad's surgery or Joel's meltdown.  In the Tarot world, I called David my King of Cups (more on the King of Cups can be found on the post dated 12 Aug. 2013 at www.facebook.com/SunGoddessTarot), always calm, composed and nurturing.  I was on the other hand always high-strung and perpetually dramatic about everything happening around me.  

So I had decided that vacation time was not about toting the camera to climb Mt Kinabalu or slathering on the sunblock whilst sipping on a glass of pina colada by the pool.  My vacation time was quality time with the family just doing nothing but enjoying the moment with them.

Much To Be Thankful For

Incidentally, Singapore celebrated its 48th National Day last week  with a long weekend that coincided with another public holiday when my Muslim friends celebrated Eid al-fitr ( http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eid_al-Fitr ).  I love long weekends because it meant I had more time to blog, walk the dogs, sleep in, and wake up to a scrumptious brunch.  However, this National Day celebrations got me thinking about how much I was thankful for.  We were in a stable and prosperous country, with an eclectic mix of races that provided me with friends from all walks of life and my family was safe and happy.

So I had decided to make the long weekend even longer, by taking another 2 days off work to enjoy some time with the family.  It was timely also because I wanted to make time to celebrate Mum's birthday with a day dedicated to pampering her.

My Very Long Weekend

So my very long weekend was spent:

1) reminiscing with Granny while visiting her at the hospital, about that silly time when she had decided to purchase a scooter to relive her youth.  I remembered she fell off that scooter while riding it and ended up with a fracture too;

2) gallivanting around town with Joel to find accessories for his newly constructed terrarium.  I cannot understand his sudden love for plants.  I might have rubbed it off on him;

3) tending to wee pots of Lavendar, Strawberry, Caribbean Chilli Pepper and Coffee together with Joel.  As a birthday present, Joel got me some dirt...yes, dirt, and some seeds so that I could cultivate my green fingers on my days off;

4) watching Dad's favourite programme, Ellen together with Dad.  I cannot understand Dad's obsession with Ellen DeGeneres, but he loved her humour and it thrilled me to see Dad laughing heartily while watching her antics on her talk-show;

5) flying kite with David at the Marina Barrage.  Let me rephrase that.  David would be struggling with getting the kite up while I held on tightly to the dogs for fear that one of the wee dogs might get entangled onto a neighbouring kite-flyer's  kite-string and fly away into the sunset;

6)  having dinner and drinks with our BFFs because one of them was celebrating her first National Day as a new Singaporean. Ok, being originally Malaysian and always claiming that our Singapore national dishes were actually Malaysian, she was too embarrassed to have her Singaporean status made too publicly known, so I would spare her by not mentioning her name here;

7)  spending the day with Mum, taking her out for a shopping spree, enjoying a scrumptious lunch with her, introducing her to the world of cafe au lait, cafe lungo, cafe piccolo and cafe latte and just having a nice mother-daughter talk about the trials and tribulations of being a mother.

Enjoying My Days Off

My days off spent most simply are always the best.  No expensive shopping trips and exotic beaches could replace the time spent with the family.  Because I had sufficient time to catch up with my family and enjoy every moment I had with them in the last week, I am now more ready than ever to go back to work very much recharged, re-energized and well-rested.

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. " ~Bill Watterson,   Calvin and Hobbes

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 44 years old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 20 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when loosely translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

David and I enjoying a picnic with the mutts.  Spot that kite all tightly rolled up waiting to be flown?

Nothing Is Ever What It Seems

More Than Two Sides To A Coin

In the past month, I learnt so much about the fragility of graciousness and civility in a society full of educated and talented people.  However I refused to believe that there was only one party who was culprit to the disintegration of social graces, tolerance, good manners and good sense.

Paula Deen In The Frying Pan

Half a world away, I had witnessed cooking show host and food author Paula Deen’s massive empire crumbling before her as stories about her using racial slurs raged through social media.  The self-proclaimed “Queen of Butter” who often served a heart attack on a plate, almost gave me a heart attack without her cooking when she claimed these racial slurs used were “a joke” and was only in “a single incident”.  I abhor bigotry.  Discrimination of any kind, racial, cultural, or sexual should never be condoned. However, while accusatory fingers wagged at her, I was appalled that this unacceptable behavior was left unchecked for so long.  It saddened me to think that this racial discrimination had been left unchecked for a long time due to her commercial value to stakeholders profiting from her popularity, and was only brought to the surface because she “pissed” the daylights out of someone hell-bent on spoiling her day in retaliation.


Hello Kitty Goodbye Sensible Behavior

Closer to home, I had witnessed adults in Singapore, embroiled in very public displays of irrational tirades against the McDonald’s restaurant crew just because they failed to get their hands on the Hello Kitty plushies. Videos of these incidents were circulating virally across social media too.  Funnily, just a few years ago, a similar scene played out in the newspapers which reported that customers who queued for Hello Kitty plushies at a McDonald’s restaurant were hurt when a glass panel broke during the mad rush for these toys.  Again, it saddened me to think that these public displays of irrational behavior could long be forgiven and forgotten since the last incident because of the commercial gains seen from both sides of the coin from either the sale of 1) Hello Kitty plushies on ebay and 2) the sale of more McDonald’s Value Meals.

Masking Fundamental Issues

When our city was blanketed in haze due to illegal practices of forest-clearing in Sumatra, Indonesia, I had witnessed long queues of irate Singaporeans rushing to buy N95 masks at supermarkets and hospital pharmacies.  This was not without incident too as I spotted a video virally circulating across social media depicting a man snatching a pack of N95 masks off a lady shopper’s grocery basket, then challenging her with this remark, “Stop me if you can.”  This man was lucky that I wasn’t that lady shopper, or that video would have ended with a footage of him frantically searching for his testicles in the bin then.

That brought me to have a think about the fundamental issue of unpreparedness.  I could not understand how the establishment could be unprepared for this outcome when the illegal “slash and clear” practices in the Sumatran forests had been happening for so many years.  Again, it saddened me to think that as the environment came under siege with the forest fires that had been on-going for years, nothing was done because of the commercial gains from the big corporations who profit from it.  These corporations that came under scrutiny due to the forest fires, were known to be linked to the establishment…not just ours, but our neighbors’ as well.

Read In Between The Lines

So as the newspapers, my Facebook wall and my Twitter feeds are filled with stories everyday about unpleasant behaviors like the ones I had recounted in this post, horrific incidents like the floods in India, important milestones in gay rights like the death of DOMA in the US ( Defense of Marriage Act) and unimportant milestones like naming a celebrity’s baby North West, I continue to read in between the lines so that I could form an objective assessment to these issues. I trained Joel to do the same so that he could grow up with the notion that nothing in this world is black and white. 

Even when I read the Tarot for my clients, I had always approached these readings with an objective view knowing that my intuition will always guide me to understand that there's more than meets the eye to the clients' issues.

An ex-boss once said to me, “Nothing is ever what it seems”.

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

The Daddy Heroes In My Life - Happy Fathers' Day

What Dad Taught Me

As we honor our Fathers this weekend on Fathers’ Day, I had decided to write this blog post to honor the most important men in my life whom I think are possibly the best Dads in the world.

Dad is truly my hero.  Everything that I am today, I owe it to him.  Dad held 2 things closest to his heart – his family and his political beliefs.  So I grew up with the notion that life offered me only 2 things worth fighting for – my family and my right to an opinion. 

My tenacity and never-say-die attitude were all aspects of Dad that I grew up with.  My conviction to always stand up for what I believed in and to not be afraid to lend a voice to these beliefs, were all nurtured by Dad.  When Dad was incarcerated for his political beliefs that fell outside the approved pantone code of that whitewash dished out by the establishment, he taught me that oppression was the worst form of abuse that should never be tolerated.   When I saw him being led away by the clipboard-toting establishment lackeys when I was 8 years old, not because he was a criminal but because he did not share the same political convictions,  I “found my voice” that day by telling these lackeys how wrong they were to label an ideological difference as a crime. I was then just 8 years old.  Ever since, I never stopped lending my voice to a cause I am passionate about. 

I Found My Dad In My Hubby

David will deny this vehemently.  However, he is somewhat like Dad.  A typical Scot steeped in traditional family values, David is extremely protective of the family and will do anything to ensure we are not in want of anything.  Even though Joel is his step-son, that term was never used in or outside the home.  To David, Joel is his son.  In his paternal role, be it the disciplinarian, the counselor, the best friend, or the teacher, David was first and foremost Joel’s “Pops”.  David was the one who taught him to swim, the one who taught him to ride his first bike, the one who comforted him when he failed his exams, the one who counseled him when he had girlfriend issues, the one who taught him how to shave, the one who gave him money so he could go repair his bicycle tire, and the one who baked him a cake for one of his birthday parties.   My Dad did all that for me and it was heartwarming to see the world’s best stepdad doing that for my son. 

Just like Dad was feisty and tenacious, David is the same.  He stands up for what he believes in and his ego never gets in the way of what he needs to do when he believes in it.  When Dad did not approve of our marriage many years ago, David visited Dad 4 times with the aim of convincing him about how serious he was about me.  Each time, Dad would chase him out of the office and told him to leave.  David never gave up and was very persistent.  He told Dad, “I don’t care if you dislike me, but I want you to stand behind your daughter because she deserves the love and support of the most important man in her life.”  I will never forget that because that tenacity had since been nurtured in Joel.

When Joel had to navigate his "Gaylord Focker complex" a year ago, when he was allocated to a nursing course which was not his first choice, it was his tenacity that turned that complex to a situation where he found his aspiration.  He said, " Mum, I am going to be a Nursing Director at the hospital and when I have saved enough, I will one day open my own private nursing care business." I am so proud that David taught my son to have guts.

Dads Are Heroes

Joel and I feel very blessed to have Dad and David in our lives.  

I am at the stage of my life when I am juggling multiple commitments, managing mounting workload, leading a team and running my Tarot consultancy.   This is the time I need these men in my life most to hold my hand as I walk along this journey to find my bliss.  

Joel is at the age now where he needs a Dad most.  He is managing the intense workload at nursing school braving days of grueling training at the hospital as well as doing projects at campus. While doing so, he is at the age of discovering strong friendships and developing a relationship.  Dad carried me through the challenges of my varsity days, when I discovered boyfriends and when I had to maneuver through the challenges of a divorce and a second marriage.  So likewise, David is carrying Joel through his challenges too.

Indeed, Dad and David are our heroes.  I grew up with so much of Dad in me.  I am certain that Joel, having grown up with so much of David in him, will one day, be the best father ever too…..BUT NOT TOO SOON PLEASE, JOEL.


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

Reliving Youth At Happy Daze

Reliving Youth

One evening, while chatting over dinner and drinks at a pub owned by my friend, she spoke to us about some of her challenges faced running the pub.  The lack of trained and experienced staff was always an issue.  In the F&B industry good service staff is difficult to find and even harder to hold on to.  She was also in the throes of a major renovation then which left her with little time managing the constant stream of customers coming in. 

The pub’s crowded every evening, and the crowd was a good mix of regular customers who lived in the area as well as customers who came straight from work as their offices were located nearby.  I liked the fact that the pub was a cosy hangout, and I could walk in without make-up, dressed in a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops, propped myself at the bar and used it as my cosy “office space” to complete my Tarot readings via email, while I enjoyed a glass of red wine.

My friend asked if Joel could help out at the pub in the evenings after school.  I wasn’t too keen on that idea particularly when a) Joel needed to put his head down to get through this course and graduate without any drama and b) I didn’t want him to work for free by spending his hard-earned money at the pub on glass and tableware that I foresee he would be breaking throughout his stint serving at the pub,.

So Joel didn’t get past his interview with me for the job as head bartender.  However, out of concern for my dear friend who had grown up with me since school days, and partly because I thought it was a good idea to temporarily get the hubby out of my hair in the evenings so that I could take on more Tarot reading appointments, I decided to “pimp” David out to my friend to take on the role proudly as the new head bartender.

Now, David has a full time job.  He runs a business which sees him meeting clients, managing interviews and working on new business pitches and client presentations on a daily basis. So time is a scarcity for him apart from week nights.  When I was persuading him to help my friend out, I was half expecting him to dismiss the idea as one of my looney attempts to get him out of my hair.  It was not very far from the truth.

In actual fact, David had no say in the idea apart from a slight grunt. When he was studying at Napier University, he used to spend his evenings after lectures working at his local.  I convinced him that this was no different. The pub was down the road from our home, I was there often to do my Tarot readings anyway, I even used the pub as my base to do creative agency briefings and I am there for dinner at least once a week.  So I persuaded David to do my friend a favor and work the “Gordon Ramsay” magic on the operational issues at her pub.  After all, it was just for a bit of fun in the evenings from Monday to Friday.  He was making best use of his time helping someone, while getting a bit of fitness in his life too as he walks to the pub from home and back. 

Thankfully, David agreed to it because like his time spent on being the lead guitarist at his band, or his time spent doing photography work at rugby and soccer games, he felt this stint at the pub was Reliving His Youth.


Happy Days At Happy Daze

My friend’s pub is called Happy Daze. This was quite aptly named because she always looked like she was in a daze.  In fact, most of us looked like we were always in a daze then, stumbling through school quite haphazardly.  However the best decision she had ever made, was to turn this little corner of our neighborhood which was previously a second-hand book store called NIB, into a lucrative pub. 

We had so many wonderful memories of NIB.  I used to rent books from there with stories about the Famous Five, Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys.  When I was slightly older and fancied a handsome prince coming to sweep me off my feet and into the sunset, I rented stacks of Barbara Cartland books.  Then, Barbara Cartland was porn to me.  I felt that I had grown up whenever I read about how the main character in the book would get her hair caressed and how she would feel her nipples hardened just by a single kiss.  Wow!  That was explosive for an 11 year old.  Sadly, 33 years later, I confronted the reality that there was no such thing as a mind-blowing, nipple-hardening kiss, particularly when Law and Order, CSI Miami and NCIS were on the list of must-watch programs every night.

So that second-hand book store was the hallmark of my Happy Days as a child.  My friend did well to preserve that memory somewhat by opening a pub in its place.  Well, at least she maintained the grumpiness and eccentric character of the second hand bookstore owner.  Every time one complained about being served soggy chips or cold baked beans on toast, she would growl at the person and bark, “It’s edible in’it?”  It was comforting to know that nothing has changed too much.

The New Angmo Bar Supervisor

I am glad to report that David’s stint at Happy Daze for the past few weeks had been filled with plenty of laughter. His presence at the pub drew a lot of buzz.  One customer asked “Who’s that new Angmo (a commonly used slang for a Caucasian in Singapore) bartender?. Another customer quipped,” I did not realize Happy Daze had a new boss.”  Yet another said, “Perhaps he was  hired to cater  to the  growing population of fellow Angmos living in the area.”    So he was met with these reactions from customers which really made him laugh.  He recounted how he had helped retrain the bar staff, taught them how to make proper mojito fresh from scratch and not use the pre-mixed mojito. He taught them how to do a proper Tequila Sunrise. He also taught them how to make basic Irish coffee.  The staff there were amazed by his skills behind the bar.  Like I mentioned before, he was reliving his youth.   He also reorganized the layout of the bar such that the bar staff had better access to the variety of drinks and even did a review of the kitchen. 

He became fast friends with a bar staff who was a Chinese national.  It was quite fun to watch them attempt to converse meaningfully because one spoke little English and the other had a broad Scottish accent. He became fast friends with some of the customers who lived around the neighborhood and was sorely missed when he couldn’t help out at the pub on weekends.

Happy Dave

David  is still having fun nightly at the pub.  I am there about twice a week to do my Tarot readings there. Often our friends come around to meet us there for drinks too.  My friend had such a weird sense of humour too and decided to hang a parrot mobile up at the bar counter to signify that Sun Goddess Tarot was in the house, every time I showed up.  Moreover, the bar and service staff were often thrilled every time I shuffled my Tarot cards or did a numerological assessment for them.

I am conscious though that David maintains his focus on his day job as a headhunter.  Reliving his youth as a photographer, guitarist and head bartender is okay if it helped him take away the stress of his day job and added a bit of excitement in his life.  We often joked that Happy Daze should rebrand itself into Happy Dave because that is that little bit of light he had brought to the place.

My friend should feel blessed. Do visit this quaint little pub, Happy Daze, if you want to try one of David's to-die-for Oreo milkshakes. It is located in Singapore at a small residential area called Serangoon Gardens.

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".