Genuine Pride In Our Work

Putting The Team Through The Test

This afternoon, while having lunch with some business partners at DOMVS restaurant at the Sheraton Towers, I came across an interesting statement printed at the bottom of the menu which said, “Women Only Wednesdays” – Women diners get free dessert for every set meal ordered.  I thought, “WOW! That was a creative way to honor us, women.”  There was definitely a big reason to celebrate and I wrote this blog post to celebrate a wonderful team of women whom I am fortunate to work with.  I call them the A-Team.

In the last couple of months, the team was put to the test when we were suddenly asked to support a mega project at work.  We were not strangers to mega projects, but this one came falling on our laps at just a couple of months before launch as the list of action items on that project plan seemed to get bigger on a daily basis.

Last week, after many sleepless nights, stressful deadlines and almost seemingly insurmountable hurdles, we finally completed the project and launched the program to plenty of accolades. 

One of the bosses patted me on the back praising me for the leadership rendered to the project.  Frankly, I disagreed.  It had nothing to do with my leadership, and everything to do with these women who had built a sisterhood of authenticity.

Authenticity

What did I mean by authenticity?

That was the key driver to the success of this team.  However big or small the projects were, these women were authentic about everything they did.  And here are the reasons why this is so:

Genuinely Cared About The Business

These women genuinely cared about the company and the value they brought to the business.  This meant that when it was necessary to voice their concern on decisions that were not right, or when they felt that an idea could be better improved, they were the first to speak up in front of senior management in a bid to do the right thing.  It was this spirit of authenticity that allowed the team of non-actuary trained “fluffy” marketing professionals to influence the creation of a product that was launched as a first-in-market insurance product that provided coverage for pregnancies from conception through IVF.

I asked this team of women what drove them each day to want to come to work in the morning, and to leave the office happy in the evening.  They said, “Pride In The Work.”  That said it all.

This was a team of very bold women who approached their jobs with the sole purpose of doing the right thing.

Genuinely Cared About Each Other

These women genuinely cared about each other. They formed a sisterhood bound by an unbreakable bond of trust, honesty and open communication.  When that mega project unceremoniously dropped on our laps, they banded together to work as a team.  I saw resilience, “response-ability” and proactive efforts to step up to the plate when one of us dropped the ball for some reason or other.  

During the planning stages for the launch event, two of my team members were hit with family emergencies, so the rest of us banded together to divide and conquer, and filled in the gap where there was one.  I saw a team member stepped up to the leadership role of managing all the “business-as-usual” product marketing work when the rest of the team was thrown into delivering on the last minute details of the creative work or launch  plans for this mega project.  I saw another team member who was hired to do something completely different earlier in the year, only to have her scope changed midway to deliver on this mega project.  I saw yet another team member who was never part of the project team initially, who had decided on her own accord to step in at eleventh hour to manage the execution of all the creative materials when she saw the team struggling with the workload.

I asked them what drove them to support each other with so much enthusiasm every day, even when sometimes; the work goes beyond their respective agreed scope.  They said, “Pride In The Work.”  Again, that said it all.

This was a team of visionary women who had a generous spirit that allowed them to work with each other, with a lot of selflessness and mutual understanding.

Pride In The Work


So for anyone who asked how I managed to build an exceptionally strong team of co-workers who managed their roles with depth of authenticity and almost always exceeded expectations in the delivery of their work, the secret is not my leadership, but the genuine pride in our work within the team.

I am very grateful to this team of women who have done so much to create value in everything they did for the company, the generous sharing of the tears and laughter within the team, and the gift of authenticity they brought to the table.  I am so proud to be the manager of this team of wonderful women.


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

Nothing Is Ever What It Seems

More Than Two Sides To A Coin

In the past month, I learnt so much about the fragility of graciousness and civility in a society full of educated and talented people.  However I refused to believe that there was only one party who was culprit to the disintegration of social graces, tolerance, good manners and good sense.

Paula Deen In The Frying Pan

Half a world away, I had witnessed cooking show host and food author Paula Deen’s massive empire crumbling before her as stories about her using racial slurs raged through social media.  The self-proclaimed “Queen of Butter” who often served a heart attack on a plate, almost gave me a heart attack without her cooking when she claimed these racial slurs used were “a joke” and was only in “a single incident”.  I abhor bigotry.  Discrimination of any kind, racial, cultural, or sexual should never be condoned. However, while accusatory fingers wagged at her, I was appalled that this unacceptable behavior was left unchecked for so long.  It saddened me to think that this racial discrimination had been left unchecked for a long time due to her commercial value to stakeholders profiting from her popularity, and was only brought to the surface because she “pissed” the daylights out of someone hell-bent on spoiling her day in retaliation.


Hello Kitty Goodbye Sensible Behavior

Closer to home, I had witnessed adults in Singapore, embroiled in very public displays of irrational tirades against the McDonald’s restaurant crew just because they failed to get their hands on the Hello Kitty plushies. Videos of these incidents were circulating virally across social media too.  Funnily, just a few years ago, a similar scene played out in the newspapers which reported that customers who queued for Hello Kitty plushies at a McDonald’s restaurant were hurt when a glass panel broke during the mad rush for these toys.  Again, it saddened me to think that these public displays of irrational behavior could long be forgiven and forgotten since the last incident because of the commercial gains seen from both sides of the coin from either the sale of 1) Hello Kitty plushies on ebay and 2) the sale of more McDonald’s Value Meals.

Masking Fundamental Issues

When our city was blanketed in haze due to illegal practices of forest-clearing in Sumatra, Indonesia, I had witnessed long queues of irate Singaporeans rushing to buy N95 masks at supermarkets and hospital pharmacies.  This was not without incident too as I spotted a video virally circulating across social media depicting a man snatching a pack of N95 masks off a lady shopper’s grocery basket, then challenging her with this remark, “Stop me if you can.”  This man was lucky that I wasn’t that lady shopper, or that video would have ended with a footage of him frantically searching for his testicles in the bin then.

That brought me to have a think about the fundamental issue of unpreparedness.  I could not understand how the establishment could be unprepared for this outcome when the illegal “slash and clear” practices in the Sumatran forests had been happening for so many years.  Again, it saddened me to think that as the environment came under siege with the forest fires that had been on-going for years, nothing was done because of the commercial gains from the big corporations who profit from it.  These corporations that came under scrutiny due to the forest fires, were known to be linked to the establishment…not just ours, but our neighbors’ as well.

Read In Between The Lines

So as the newspapers, my Facebook wall and my Twitter feeds are filled with stories everyday about unpleasant behaviors like the ones I had recounted in this post, horrific incidents like the floods in India, important milestones in gay rights like the death of DOMA in the US ( Defense of Marriage Act) and unimportant milestones like naming a celebrity’s baby North West, I continue to read in between the lines so that I could form an objective assessment to these issues. I trained Joel to do the same so that he could grow up with the notion that nothing in this world is black and white. 

Even when I read the Tarot for my clients, I had always approached these readings with an objective view knowing that my intuition will always guide me to understand that there's more than meets the eye to the clients' issues.

An ex-boss once said to me, “Nothing is ever what it seems”.

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

The Daddy Heroes In My Life - Happy Fathers' Day

What Dad Taught Me

As we honor our Fathers this weekend on Fathers’ Day, I had decided to write this blog post to honor the most important men in my life whom I think are possibly the best Dads in the world.

Dad is truly my hero.  Everything that I am today, I owe it to him.  Dad held 2 things closest to his heart – his family and his political beliefs.  So I grew up with the notion that life offered me only 2 things worth fighting for – my family and my right to an opinion. 

My tenacity and never-say-die attitude were all aspects of Dad that I grew up with.  My conviction to always stand up for what I believed in and to not be afraid to lend a voice to these beliefs, were all nurtured by Dad.  When Dad was incarcerated for his political beliefs that fell outside the approved pantone code of that whitewash dished out by the establishment, he taught me that oppression was the worst form of abuse that should never be tolerated.   When I saw him being led away by the clipboard-toting establishment lackeys when I was 8 years old, not because he was a criminal but because he did not share the same political convictions,  I “found my voice” that day by telling these lackeys how wrong they were to label an ideological difference as a crime. I was then just 8 years old.  Ever since, I never stopped lending my voice to a cause I am passionate about. 

I Found My Dad In My Hubby

David will deny this vehemently.  However, he is somewhat like Dad.  A typical Scot steeped in traditional family values, David is extremely protective of the family and will do anything to ensure we are not in want of anything.  Even though Joel is his step-son, that term was never used in or outside the home.  To David, Joel is his son.  In his paternal role, be it the disciplinarian, the counselor, the best friend, or the teacher, David was first and foremost Joel’s “Pops”.  David was the one who taught him to swim, the one who taught him to ride his first bike, the one who comforted him when he failed his exams, the one who counseled him when he had girlfriend issues, the one who taught him how to shave, the one who gave him money so he could go repair his bicycle tire, and the one who baked him a cake for one of his birthday parties.   My Dad did all that for me and it was heartwarming to see the world’s best stepdad doing that for my son. 

Just like Dad was feisty and tenacious, David is the same.  He stands up for what he believes in and his ego never gets in the way of what he needs to do when he believes in it.  When Dad did not approve of our marriage many years ago, David visited Dad 4 times with the aim of convincing him about how serious he was about me.  Each time, Dad would chase him out of the office and told him to leave.  David never gave up and was very persistent.  He told Dad, “I don’t care if you dislike me, but I want you to stand behind your daughter because she deserves the love and support of the most important man in her life.”  I will never forget that because that tenacity had since been nurtured in Joel.

When Joel had to navigate his "Gaylord Focker complex" a year ago, when he was allocated to a nursing course which was not his first choice, it was his tenacity that turned that complex to a situation where he found his aspiration.  He said, " Mum, I am going to be a Nursing Director at the hospital and when I have saved enough, I will one day open my own private nursing care business." I am so proud that David taught my son to have guts.

Dads Are Heroes

Joel and I feel very blessed to have Dad and David in our lives.  

I am at the stage of my life when I am juggling multiple commitments, managing mounting workload, leading a team and running my Tarot consultancy.   This is the time I need these men in my life most to hold my hand as I walk along this journey to find my bliss.  

Joel is at the age now where he needs a Dad most.  He is managing the intense workload at nursing school braving days of grueling training at the hospital as well as doing projects at campus. While doing so, he is at the age of discovering strong friendships and developing a relationship.  Dad carried me through the challenges of my varsity days, when I discovered boyfriends and when I had to maneuver through the challenges of a divorce and a second marriage.  So likewise, David is carrying Joel through his challenges too.

Indeed, Dad and David are our heroes.  I grew up with so much of Dad in me.  I am certain that Joel, having grown up with so much of David in him, will one day, be the best father ever too…..BUT NOT TOO SOON PLEASE, JOEL.


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

The Ash Family's Culinary Adventures

Domestic Bliss

David and I had been enjoying a little semblance of domestic bliss in the past couple of weeks.  No, we were not attempting to make babies, to the relief of Joel.  We had been busy in the kitchen, exploring our inner Gordon Ramsay and Nigella Lawson. We got reacquainted with our kitchen appliances and utensils again.  Previously, we bonded only with the refrigerator when David peered into it 173 times a day to look for food.  Even the blender was no longer a tool solely used to fuel our evenings with exotic cocktails.  We have been baking breads, scones, cupcakes, cookies, whipping up jams, chutney, spreads and experimenting with different types of bruschetta toppings and canapés.

That’s not all!  I have also been channeling both my favourite food writer, Nigel Slater of BBC's famed Simple Cooking program as well as Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall of the River Cottage series by growing my own herbs and vegetables.  I have been using them in my cooking by getting  recipe tips from Nigel on Tweeter too.  So far, I have got an array of herbs and vegetables growing by my window sill like rosemary, thyme, basil, mint, chilies, celery, bak choy and water convolvulus.  The list may be expanded soon to include oregano and chives.  Nigel made a suggestion about sprinkling lavender flowers on roasted tomatoes and cheese on toast.  I would probably need to grow a pot of lavender soon.

Anyway, I did promise some of my friends, a couple of recipes from the Ash Family’s culinary adventures, so here they are:


Spiced Pineapple Compote

Ingredients:

·                     2 pineapples - peeled and grated (do not use a blender)

·                     1 cup water  - scented with juice of 2 oranges and a tablespoon of orange zest)

·                     cup brown sugar

·                     sticks cinnamon , 2 star anise and 4 cloves

Directions:
1. After grating the pineapple, put the pineapple, water, juice, zest and spices in a pot and cook over low to medium heat until the pineapple mixture is soft.  This takes about half an hour with intermittent stirring.
2. Stir the sugar into the pineapple mixture and continue cooking till the mixture thickens over slightly higher heat for another half an hour. Once the mixture has thickened, leave to cool in pot. 
3. When sufficiently cooled, spoon the compote into sterilized jars with tight fitting lid and store in the refrigerator.

Raisin Scones

Ingredients:

·                     2 cups Self-raising flour

·                     2 tablespoons brown sugar

·                     1 teaspoon baking soda

·                     1/2 cup butter

·                     1 cup raisins

·                     1/2 cup buttermilk

·                     1 egg white beaten

Directions:
1. Combine, flour, baking soda, and sugar in a bowl
2. Rub in butter till mixture resembles coarse crumbs, then fold in buttermilk and raisins.
3. Knead mixture on floured surface, then shape them into circles and flatten slightly.
4. Brush the top of each scone with the egg white and then bake it in pre-heated oven at 200 degrees for 20 minutes.

David and I really enjoyed tottering about in our kitchen and our little herb garden like a couple of geriatrics in a wee cottage. I guessed this was another outcome of that pre-empty nester syndrome we had been experiencing with Joel spending a lot more time out with his friends.  Our housekeeper Evelyn has not quite bought into our recent spate of culinary adventures yet as she had to deal with the massive cleaning up afterwards.  I had to force her to sit and watch Heston Blumenthal on TV in the hope that she could feel thankful that we had not attempted to stuff and roast a pig on a spit right in the middle of her pristine kitchen or attempt to recreate a menu from Medieval Europe using Bailey as yet.


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

Mum Must Love Hello Kitty Too

Mothers’ Day Mania

I know Mothers’ Day is traditionally a day most mothers would blog to death about how wonderful it was to be a mother.  I know because I was one of them gushing about my son’s home-made card.  When I logged on to Facebook, my entire wall was filled with friends’ pictures in all manner of poses, with their kids and their Mothers’ Day presents.  I even knew what they had for Mothers’ Day lunch or dinner because they posted pictures of their scrumptious meals.  My single friends were not left out of the celebrations too.  They fancied themselves as “mothers” to their pets and posted pictures of themselves and their pets, some of them had their dogs wearing clothes with the words “I love Mom” printed on it.

My own Facebook timeline was also shamelessly plastered with posts about Joel’s home-made Mother’s Day card and everything else “mother-related” that is worth cooing about.

What I was not prepared for was Mum’s Mothers’ Day gift to me though.  While the words in Joel’s card brought a tear to my eye, the intent and efforts behind Mum’s gift made me break down in uncontrollable sobs.   

Mum’s Hello Kitty Prezzie

What was the gift?  It was a collection of 10 Hello Kitty collectible figurines.  Ever since I came out of the closet as a Hello Kitty fan, I had my colleagues, my husband, my son, my friends and now my Mum, plying me with many Hello Kitty gifts ranging from a Hello Kitty hairdryer, a Hello Kitty weighing scale, Hello Kitty bed covers, Hello Kitty dolls, Hello Kitty kitchen utensils including a frying pan, a pancake pan ( *hint* I don’t have a Hello Kitty toaster) as well as Hello Kitty crockery and kitchen utensils. My bathroom is filled with Hello Kitty bathroom accessories.  Even David is currently using Hello Kitty bath towels, shampoo and shower gel.  The family had to eat dinner off Hello Kitty plates, bowls and utensils.

I have to stress though that the set of 10 Hello Kitty collectibles were so precious to me, not because they were Hello Kitty collectibles, but because of the effort it took for Mum to collect all of them.

Hello Kitty Tokidoki Promotion

Our local grocery store 7-11 launched a Hello Kitty Tokidoki promotion for about 2 months.  I was a little hazy about the mechanics of the promotion but from whatever little I knew, this was what Mum had to do to get a collectible figurine in a specific design.  She had to spend $4 to get 1 stamp.  Every 6 stamps ($24 worth of products bought) and an additional cost of $3.90 would entitle her to 1 figurine.  She collected all 10 figurines over a 2-month period which meant that she could have spent $280 or more on groceries like bread, eggs, and milk. 

Mum Would Do Anything For Me

One thing was certain.  She must have visited 7-11 on a daily basis for 2 months, collected a shoe-box full of stamps and consumed a truck load of bread, eggs and milk just so her loopy daughter could get a full set of 10 collectible Hello Kitty figurines. 

Mum spoiled me way too much.  This was truly a gesture of Mother’s love.  I would have done the same for Joel, but I would have been suspicious if Joel had asked me to consume $280 worth of bread, milk and eggs to obtain his collection of Hello Kitty collectible figurines.  Perhaps next time when they have a Transformers promotion, I might do the same then.

Yes Mum truly spoiled me silly.  She spoiled me by cooking my favorite dishes when I visited her.  Even when I haven’t had the time to visit her, she would whip up these dishes, and showed up at my doorstep carrying bags of Tupperware filled with a huge amount of food, which was enough to sustain a town in the event of a natural disaster of seismic proportion. 

She spoiled me by boiling soup and preparing her “witches’ brew” of Chinese traditional herbal medicines when I was ill, believing that Western medicines were detrimental to my liver and my brain.  I still have not been able to convince her that it was too late; my liver was malfunctioning due to the copious amount of beers I enjoyed when I was younger, and my brain was, well, loopy as the years had gone by - incurable.

I Love My Mum

I love my Mum.  I am so grateful that I have her in my life even though we get on each other’s nerves often. David said that it was because we were both “2 peas in the pod”, I could not figure out how that was so when I did not spot a tight curly perm.

I appreciate her presence more than anything.  A colleague told me that when she saw my Hello Kitty figurines sitting in a row by my desk, it made her teary because she missed her Mum who was no longer with her.  I would not know what to do with my life without Mum. 

That is why I feel so blessed.  Mum’s gift to me was worth more than anything money could ever buy. 

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

Happy Mothers' Day To Me

A Special Mother-Child Bond

Today is Mothers' Day.  It is my 19th Mothers' Day to be exact and the 43rd one for Mum.  

Mum has a very special relationship with me.  Whatever little arguments and differences we may have had occasionally, we actually have a very close relationship which I felt was based on a lot of selfless love balancing delicately with our individual characteristics.

Like my relationship with Mum, Joel also had a very special relationship with me.  I always thought I did well, and that Joel had grown up very sensible in spite of his younger years when he had to bear the brunt of the negativity when I was undergoing a divorce with his father.  We were both very close and we told each other everything, governing our relationship with a lot of openness and trust.

Then it hit me that he was all grown up as I had alluded in my last blog post  - I found myself going through  Pre-Empty Nester's syndrome, seeing Joel increasingly lesser at home.

Joel's Special Prezzie For Me

However, I do get reminded from time to time, how blessed I am to be a Mother.  Last night, I found a drawing of Joel, David and I, done by Joel when he was about 8 years old.  It was such a heart-warming drawing of our "not very normal but beautiful" family.  It brought back fond memories of days when Joel still "needed" me when he was younger.  Now that he was older, and I saw lesser of him at home, these memories became even more precious to me.

I was thrilled today when I woke up to a giant home-made Mothers' Day card on my dresser.  Joel was not very subtle as I spotted him clumsily fiddling with stickers, pens, and scrapbooking materials late last night.  I knew he was creating something for me and secretly I felt very pleased.  In the wee hours of the morning, I heard his heavy footsteps stumbling into my room.  He was trying to place his completed Mothers' Day card on my dresser without my knowing but of course I knew, and had to turn over to smile secretly to myself.

I read every word on that card this morning when I woke up, and it made be cry.  You see, I had "separation issues" when he was spending a lot of time with his girlfriend and less time with me.  I was quite possessive of his time with me.  I didn't quite minded his time at school, with his friends, on his hobbies, but time spent with his girlfriend often sent me into an insane frenzy.

However, when i read the words on that card, I felt I was now ready to let go because this was what it said, "I chose to put my efforts into my relationship with her.  She's done many things that have reminded me of my time with you."  

Ready To Let Go

My son is all grown up.  I am ready to let go now.  I should be happy, if he had found a girlfriend who shared his passions, his good times and his bad times, nurtured his personality and created fond memories with.  I had a lot of precious memories of times spent with past boyfriends.  Each one of them taught me something new, and developed my emotional resilience.  I became a better wife because of my past relationships.  

Being a mother meant that I had to also be ready to let go as he grew up to discover the world out there.  Discovering the world out there meant that I had to accept that he might trip and fall on his face from time to time.  I would not be there to help catch him when he did fall, but I could be there to pick him up, brush the dirt off his knees and send him off again to discover more new things.

So yes, I think I am ready to let him go now.


About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".

I Am A Pre-Empty Nester

Empty Nesters Syndrome

In the last few months, David and I had been experiencing odd moments of solitude at home as Joel increasingly spent time at campus, with his friends, on industrial attachment at the hospital or with his girlfriend – just fill in the blanks because one never gets  a straight answer from him to a simple question of “Where are you going?”

The environment seemed so quiet and peaceful, sans the occasional barking of the dogs when the newspaper delivery guy appeared at our door.  Instead of cooking a feast for the family, we both would be munching on salad leaves and left-over’s for lunch or dinner during weekends.  In the past when the dogs were automatically walked 4 times a day by magic, we now have to roster the dog-walking duties between the 2 of us.  While I used to have a car-door opener and shopping bag carrier during our window-shopping trips, I now have to carry my own bags.  As there is only 1 other tea aficionado at home, I now have to brew my own cup of tea.

I reckoned this is what they famously called, the “Empty Nesters Syndrome”

Pre-Empty Nesters


When I searched Wikipedia, it defined “Empty Nest Syndrome” as a feeling of grief and loneliness parents may feel when their children leave home for the first time, such as to live on their own or to attend a college or university. This can result in depression and a loss of purpose for parents, since the departure of their children from "the nest" leads to adjustments in parents' lives. Empty nest syndrome is especially common in full-time mothers.

Let me qualify here that I am not a full-time mother and I am certainly not depressed.  While it took some time for me to get used to the quiet surroundings at home without the boy, it definitely gave me a lot of time to pursue my own interests like taking on more Tarot reading appointments and Tarot coaching sessions on weekends.  I know David felt the same because he too started taking on more photography assignments and had even used his spare time to help a friend manage her pub.

Seeing that we should be more accurately termed as “Pre-Empty Nesters”, I then  started searching on the internet for ways to “prepare for his move to the next phase of his life – out of my house”.  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not that I can’t contain my excitement.  It’s just that whatever I could do to make productive use of time when we had it, I wanted to ensure I was doing just that.

Preparing For The Chick To Leave The Coop


I found  the following information on WikiHow:

1) “Prepare for the departure. If you're expecting your children to be leaving within the next year, take this time to check that they are aware of how to do the basic essentials for caring for themselves alone. Make sure they know how to wash their clothes, cook for themselves, balance a checkbook, …”

Houston, I think we may have a problem.  The boy needs a map to get himself to the bathroom for a shower, his room currently looks like the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy and by the weekend, his allowance is down to a mere 20cents, enough for him to call me from prison should he stupidly land himself there.  While he is adept at making tea, he can’t do much else like wash his own clothes, cook a decent meal  and balance a checkbook.

 
Improving Communication

2)  ”Explore the ways that you intend to keep in touch with your children. You'll feel a sense of loneliness and emptiness when they're gone because you can't just turn around and tell them things as you always used to do. Keeping up constant communications is vital for maintaining a sense of family togetherness..”

Honestly, I think it is better that communication is kept to a minimal.  If there is communication at all, someone needs to develop a dictionary to go with it.  You see, communicating with someone from teenage to early adulthood is quite frustrating.  Can someone please explain to me what “ROFL”, “LMAO”, and less than 3 mean?  Less than 3 was picked up when he sent me this text that said “<3”.

Recognize The Symptoms

3)  “Understand what empty nest syndrome is, so that you can recognize the symptoms in your own situation. Empty nest syndrome is a psychological condition that affects principally women, producing grief when one or more of the children leave home..”

I haven’t experienced that grief yet.  Perhaps I am still experiencing Pre-Empty Nest syndrome which is more accurately described as feelings of being in love with spouse again, feelings of glee because I now have the entire house to myself, feelings of satisfaction because I now have more time to accept more Tarot appointments, feelings of exhaustion because I now have to carry my own shopping bags, and feelings of thirst because no one is there to make tea for me.

Looking After Our Own Needs

4)  “Start looking to your own needs. Once you're satisfied that you've set your child on the right path, you'll start noticing the big change in your life. The way in which you choose to perceive this change will color your feelings and approach to it – if you see it as a gaping hole, you'll feel much more miserable than if you choose to see it as an opportunity to revive some of your own interests and pursuits. Avoid creating a shrine out of your child's bedroom...”

Now, this is possibly the only piece of advice that I resonate with.  David and I have started looking after ourselves better.  i)  We started creating a salad bar at home, upon the suggestion of a friend.  At dinner time, we would just fill our plates with different types of vegetables, nuts, fruits, some roast chicken or smoked salmon, and whatever is available in the fridge.  It’s a simple dinner but it had transformed our eating habits and hopefully will contribute to better health for us. We couldn’t quite do that in the past because Joel had an aversion for anything green in colour. ii) We started spending more time on our passions.  David had been taking on more photography assignments and I had been accepting more Tarot reading appointments and Tarot coaching engagements.  In  the past, we were conscious that time spent with Joel was very limited during weekdays due to school.  However, now that he had been spending more time with friends, girlfriend, and school projects both on weekdays and weekends, we had decided to keep ourselves busy with our respective activities.

Rediscovering My Husband

5)  “Rediscover the love of your life…”

This is the best advice ever.  In the last 12 years of marriage, David and I had been so busy juggling our respective careers, family commitments and other projects.  For the first time in 12 years, we started walking on this journey of rediscovery.  Age is a wonderful thing. One’s perspectives, interests and passions evolved with age.  I thought David’s evolved for the better.  He had become more interesting a person to talk to than he ever was 12 years ago when we first got married because of his varied interests and his very bold “dare-to-do”/ “no-harm-trying” attitude to life.  I saw this in the way he passionately rehearsed his guitar for his gigs, I saw this in the hard work he put into his photography assignments and photo-editing that he would  do through the night in order to get the photos to the client the next day. I saw how gamed he was in agreeing to help a friend run her pub. 

Even our weekends now are never pre-planned.  In the past, we had every activity scheduled like a school timetable.  Now, we might just take the car out on weekends saying “ Let’s see where the yellow brick road takes us.”

I like being a Pre-Empty Nester.  It’s somewhat like dating a new guy, only somehow, I know him and like him even better.  As for the boy, I am hopeful that this Pre-Empty Nester period is teaching him new skills to hone his independence for the day I become an Empty Nester.

About the writer:

The writer of this blog post is a 43 year old mother of one, who spreads her time between her day job as a marketeer at a financial institution, her hobby as a certified professional tarot reader and numerologist, and her family which includes a 19 year old son.  She's married to a Scot who has been affectionately called "The Crazy AngMo" and prays that he does not find out that the term when translated, has labeled him as a "Ginger Head".